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Carl_34_m_UK

Member Since 03 May 2016
Offline Last Active Nov 05 2018 10:17 PM
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Topics I've Started

The world is strange and existence is pointless

12 October 2016 - 06:05 AM

Hi,

 

A while back earlier this year.. in about April, I suffered a massive anxiety issue that resulted in a spell of DP\DR. The de realization faded away, which was the dream like state and life seemed like a daydream. I'm pleased that wenty but during that time my whole thinking patterns changed. I'm still struggling with what I believe to be an existential crisis but it also seems so much more thatn that. Rather than just living life day to day without any thoughts, I'm stuck with this constant questioning. It's as if I've suddenly realised that everything is actually nothing. Like what IS anything? The keyboard I'm typing on is made of plastic which is just atoms. What is vison and hearing.. yes I know they are senses but how do senses work? What are thoughts? I honeslty live every second of the day questioning what everything is. Is realitly even real? What is the point of existing? There are a whole load of existential questions that plague me like a cognitive shift in how I perceive the world. In a nutshell it's like I don't actually like being alive. I don't want to die as in suicidal but it's like all of a sudden the whole dynamics of everything are just too complex and I just find it all to much to be able to enjoy life. I feel very isolated by this.. I used to enjoy life and was always a live for the moment as life is too short kinda person. I've completely changed and have been for 7 months now. I know this DP\Dr stuff is hell on earth for all of us but for me being so disturbed(?) about existence and constantly questioning 'what is anything?'. I'm not looking for answers to what anything is but it's like a transition in my whole perception of life. It's such a struggle trying to act and be the person always knew me to be. I've also become very nihilistic as I just see the whole life and existence thing as completey pointless and meaningless. I understand peope saying live life and be happy. But ultimately being happy or sad is irrelevent. We are all just passing time each day like sheep until we die. I'm in this constant limbo of not wanting to die but being alive and reality has just become so complex to me that I don't like it. It's like walking in to a job you hate each day but having to deal with it. I feel like that about being alive.. I just don't like it but there is no escape. I don't reallty know how esle to explain this but the dynamics of being alive and existence has turned round on me and I hate it.

 

Anyone else have this constant questioning about what anything is?