Carl_34_m_UK - Viewing Profile: Posts - Depersonalization Community

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Member Since 03 May 2016
Offline Last Active Nov 05 2018 10:17 PM

Posts I've Made

In Topic: Lately I can't leave my house and am faking everything I do and say...

16 July 2017 - 07:00 PM

This is one of the strangest sensations. Where you are just out and about. as everyone else is but you just look around in some trance like state and feel like nothing is real, or what is reality? What is all this around me and all these people just wandering around without a care in the world? Their only concern is which bananas are cheapest! But they are living day in day out without questioning what is going on around them or anything existential. I know because I used to be one of them. It really makes you realise how different life is now, to have such things as relationship troubles or financial troubles etc are a thing of the past. All those types of issues are irrelevant now...with the dp\dr existential stuff, you've got to get over the hurdle of the fact you exist before any issues WITHIN life. Life itself is an issue so how the heck to you try to mingle in with the rest of the world. Every conversation is just fake, trying to act like there is nothing wrong. I'd actually rather not engage in conversation as I don't have to find words to pretend. It's quite sad as I used to be the complete opposite and a fun outgoing person. It's quite a reality check on how much this literally robs you of the person you once were. I'm just appreciating that this happened at the age of 34 - so I had 34 normal years on this earth. I feel for people who are suffering at a much younger age and may never recover (sorry but not everyone comes out of this)

In Topic: Extreme disconnection, existential crisis

16 July 2017 - 06:32 PM

4months is a good turn around time. I'm still going after well over a year. I'd love to know what makes all the existential stuff so obsessive.. I don't think my mind has ever uncontrollably latched on to anything before that dominates my whole day every day. All the existential stuff is just so strange and bizarre to me that for some reason it's just there all the time.. a constant circle of thought.. questioning anything and everything. Not for any particular reason anymore. I'm not even trying to find answers to all this stuff, yet my head is just stuck this way. Every day is just horrible, literally freaking out about being alive and the whole dynamincs of life and existence. It's become so hardcoded in to my mind that I think it's just there now and if it hasn't gone away after well over a year, I don't know what will ever change really. This hell ruins lives - It's not even on and off.. just all day everyday and having to function with it.

In Topic: Can you recover from existential DPDR symptoms?

15 July 2017 - 05:22 PM

I think the hardest part is accepting it though. I mean I don't actually want to be the person I am now and to be thinking the way I am. My whole perception of life is completely screwed up to the point where I don't like it and don't want to live like this.. but what choice do I have? This is me and I can't do anything about it. I'm sure people who have had any other kind of illness don't want it but they have to live with it. What we have to deal with is also an illness, it's just nobody can see it.


I'd do anything to go back to who I was before this started - we all would but I don't read many stories of this happening. Also the fact that I've had these thoughts 24x7 for over a year now, pretty much has my mind made up that they won't go away. It sucks and I hate it, as it's such a turning point in life to accept things could possibly be this way forever. Lets hope we all live to an old age and this is just a bad (long) period of life :???:

In Topic: Life is like a ongoing movie without a pause button

01 July 2017 - 02:11 AM

I have these thoughts from time to time and it used to freak me out a lot more than it does now.. but as you say, life is just constant. We don't get a break from being alive, the only thing we do to break it up is sleep, then we are awake again and it's just one constant cycle.

In Topic: Can you recover from existential DPDR symptoms?

01 July 2017 - 02:05 AM

I hope this doesn't sound a bit backwards.. but one thing that helped me with all the existential + hyperawareness thoughts, was telling myself that it will NOT go away. Like it's part of me now so what I've got to do, rather than wait to go back to my 'old self' was to accept that it's part of me now and that I've got to get on with life, WITH these thoughts and realisations. This way of dealing with it helped me a lot. I spent far too long wanting it to go away. I've been having theses thoughts daily for over a year now - and I was right, they probably will never go away now that I've stumbled over them. But what made it easier is accepting that I'll live with it rather than want to go back to the person who didn't think these tings. A lot of recovery came from this so I hope it might help others to give it a go. It doesn't happen in a day but stick with it. I'm over the worst and I've still got thoughts going on but they are not consuming me like they did at the beginning.