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My story, any help would be really appreciated

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#1 sandy



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Posted 18 June 2020 - 07:26 AM

Hello everyone. I have been suffering from what I think is DP/DR on and off for the last 9 months.

So, here is my story. I tried weed for the first time in my life back in October last year. I was in my uni at that time. I did it with 2 other people and since it was my first time I didn't know how to do it moderately. I smoked an entire joint and few minutes later I was high. It was pleasant at first but then I started panicking. I decided to go to sleep since I had a flight to catch in the morning. While I was trying to go to sleep, my thoughts were racing. It was as if my thoughts were in a loop. One thought lead to another. At what time exactly I went to sleep I don't remember but I did eventually. In the morning when I woke up, I felt relatively good, but just had a hazy vision and little fatigue. I went to the airport, boarded my flight and reached my hometown. Once I reached home, I started surfing internet as to why I am feeling like I am. This was the biggest mistake of my life. I started believing that I am in a dream. No matter how much evidences or logical reasoning I used, I had this feeling. I would just believe that my brain is creating everything in my dream. I would reason constantly, but my brain would create just another bizarre question. During this period I would become a recluse, but deep down I knew this is all my anxiety doing its thing. Eventually the feeling went away somewhat, and I went back to my uni after my mid-sem break. From that time till May, I didn't have this thought. Around May, what with pandemic and lockdown, my anxiety went up and this rumination came back. I started thinking that all the time I have spent from October till now, all happened in my dream. Now this has become really worse, I am having suicidal thoughts lately. I've been ruminating about things like solipsism, etc.
Please, any help regarding this. I am desperate.

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