I'd like to excuse any mistakes in advance, my English is not the best and I'm a big mess right now .
I'm suffering from diagnosed DPDR since 2014 from a bad mdma trip while totally drunk and blacked out. The onset was two days delayed. It started with the mother of all panic attacks while smoking weed and having a flash back regarding the bad trip.
Ever since live feels different. The first 4 years I was convinced I'd have some kind of drug induced anxiety disorder. I was put on Lexapro and I got my life managed, with the dreadfull feelings always staying in the back and lingering around. There have been bad relapses but they never took longer then a few weeks to subside. I always reached the baseline level of anxiety and dissociation I just talked About, but I was never really happy - live was Always a struggle to some degree. Last year everything changed. I stumbled upon the concept of solipsism, which sent me in an episode of full blown existential OCD for months. That was when I made the connection between my problems and the Depersonalization/Derealization pisorder, because a lot of people who had this problem were on forums and subs about DPDR. Later I got officially diagnosed with DPDR. Even if the solpisism obession lost it's impact over time, I was in a bad constitution. That's why I asked my therapist for a switch in medication. He told me I should try Prozac, as this adresses the OCD component more effective. I thought it was worth a shot. Oh Boy was I wrong. I started 5 days ago and I'm nearly suicidal with panic attacks, anxious rumination and a feeling of unbearable threat. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know how I should get through the day.
One of my biggest mental Problems is the never ending search for a ultimative reason. I never was 100% satisfied with the DPDR diagnosis. I have massive bouts of anxiety all the time and I ruminate a lot. Life feels strange ever since all this started back in 2014 but I never left my body or felt like a robot. It more feels like existence and reality made a shift and got very compliacted and alienated. Nothing makes sense anymore. Everything feels like a dream. Everything lacks it's visual quality. I do see like an eagle, but everythin I look at does not make as much sense as before, it's very hard to describe Sometimes I don't understand how I could live before all that, not asking what all this is I live in. One day I think its OCD I have, the other day GAD and the next day I think its DPDR. Maybe its all three together, but how can one bad trip trigger a whole package of different severe mental disorders. And if this really is the case, I reached the end of the rope because this sounds like a death sentence.
I suffer for 6 years and I'm losing hope. Hope was the only driver, giving me enough energy to go through this all. Without it I have lost.
Sure, it's possibly the medication switch making everything darker then it is right now, but I don't know what to do from here.
If anyone of you have an advice for me, I'd be very grateful, because I'm just devestated.
Thanks for reading.