At school and at home I always got alot of shit for behaving badly. There were so many times where i was scared of coming home because I knew my mother would yell at me because of the shit i did at school. And I always ended up in the same situations because that is the person i recognized myself as. I always think everyone hates me. I remember my childhood was quite chaotic at times, my mother screamed at me, I screamed back. And my father would force me in my room He was physical at times, but i think I deserved it. I have alwsy heard i was a difficult kid when I was younger. I never really had normal conversations with my mom. It was always me being mad at her and she being mad at me. He was physical at times. And i couldnt talk to my parents about my feeling because of that. When something happened in my life (emotionally) never talked to my mom or dad about it. I always wonder at the cause is. Do you think this could have contributed to the development of dpd.
I always feel like a bad person
Posted 24 May 2020 - 04:54 PM
Hey, you didn't deserve it. Nobody does.
And it was not fair to call you a difficult kid...when we are little, we are shaped by the things people do to us, and tell us about ourselves, in particular our caretakers (whether our parents or other people in charge of our well-being). It does not mean that what we are told is true.
You had the right to get angry when hit or yelled at, and to yell back.
Whether all this that you described contributed to you being DPd - I don't know, but I know that my traumatic childhood had everything with developing DP in me.
There is a number of reasons for developing DP, as you have probably already seen, reading to other people's stories in here. In time, you will probably learn more about yourself, and the things that brought it about.
In the meantime, take care,
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