at the moment I am in a very weird phase. I started to be more connected in March, but Corona really triggered my anxiety with its rules and regulations. In addition, many more things which are not necessary to go into detail. My symptoms got really bad again, as so many emotions came up and I lost orientation in my inner world.
Two weeks ago I had some findings. I felt that I put myself in check-mate to create the scenario for me that there is no way out. I use the outside to continously relive my experiences and with Corona this reached a really high level. And this time it felt so true and I cannot escape. It is everywhere......so I felt I cannot solve this by thinking which I often heard but never felt.
Some days later I was visiting friends and was lying totally exhausted on their couch and suddently my body went into a really peaceful state and my vision slowly became 3-D. I can see the nature in a beauty I never experienced before. My body is with its symptoms still in DP, but in these moments I can be with the symptoms in the moment. I do not want to talk or do anything then. It is a feeling that is wordless. I can even be with severe brain fog, as I can choose to either look at the beauty of nature or get obsessed about my symptoms. It is both there at these moments.
Unfortunately, I cannot reach this state by myself, as I only experience it with people where I feel safe enough to open up. I cannot do this with my mind, it just happens naturally. When I am by myself again I slowly lose this feeling and even if I feel ok in the evening, then I wake up back again in full DP. In this state I can better be with my current triggers, but at some point they overwhelm me. So it is really tireing to fall in and out of this state and not being able to reach it by myself. Since I know it is both there, it is harder to be with my current state.
Does anyone of you have experience with this "limbo state"?
Many Thanks and stay strong