Good evening to everyone! I wish good luck to everyone. We have to believe one day will be normal again. We are all fighters. This is my 5 months story until now. After an intense period of psychological stress due to a break up and dismissal from work i felt something in my head like headaches with auras and stings. All this time i was overthinking about my traumas and after this happened in my head the intrusive non-stop thoughts gradually disappeared! It was like the sad events never happened. I literally feel nothing at all.not just emotions but practically every type of feeling. I've actually lost my soul.
At first i had different symptoms that lasted a few hours or days like incontinence, laugh incontinence, feel like my body and brain are hollow, no sense of air, like i am a thing from cotton (also no physical pain) like i am out of reality and cannot connect to my environment (without i see the environment disorted). I felt like i am dying like everything in my mind is collapsing. Gradually, more and more symptoms appeared.
Two neurologistes said that this is a defense mechanism of my mind to help me pass these traumatic events. So my brain shutted down. My psychiatrist gave me zanipram 40mg. I thinki am a little better but still i cant believe all of these are from psychological stress , its like i dont even exist and nothing from my organs or sensory functions work normally.
LIST OF MY SYMPTOMS
- Black mind/No Creativity/No abstract thoughts
- Short term memory disappeared (i am going for a walk and its like i did it days before, no perception of time)
- Long term memory issues (like all my memories happened many years ago or are someone's else)
- Every day is like its the same like a loop
- No critical thinking
- Cant retain new information
- Low speed of information process
- Its like i l ve lost all my knowledge ( i am mechanical engineer, cinematographer and writer)
- Cant read well, cant write like i was writing. Cant find the appropriate words.
- Apathy (no feelings, no fears, no angers, no anxiety, no boredom,no suspensions, no sense of disugst, no sad, no real happy. i can - laugh but i think nothing is vivid and real, i forgot how is the real feel of human being. I dont even feel the pandemic of covid-19..its like i never lived all this madness..i am out of everything. nothinh can shock me. everything is flat)
- No personality
- i think its like i am dumb, no ability of problem solving, no perception of the imprortance of life, no perception of importance of my self.
- Reduced the volume and speed of my thoughts
- Apathy for everthing i loved (hobbies, work, life, trips). I cant watch a difficult movie because i cant understand (no concentration and -memory) it and cause i cant feel nothing.
VISION: At first days blurry vision. Now: vision with high definition ( i can see all the details of everything). Colourness in tv. Red colour really intense. Very detail vision between black and white. dropping eyelids, floaters, surroundings/buildings appear closer to me, i cant calculate well the distances, no orientation. I cant separated well the characteristics of the faces of people. Like i cant see the details in people.
HEARING: Hypersensitivity of the sounds. i can hear everything better. Light tinnitus on the left or right ear (like 10 seconds duration ringing). jump scares frequently on loud sounds
SMELL and TASTE: Disturbances on both. Good smells are more intense and bad smells i cant even smell them. I couldnt stand the smoke of cigarette and now i dont care. About taste: i cant identify bad tastes..its like i like all the foods. Also i dont feel hungry or full.
TOUCH: I think i feel tha subject less than before. But i can feel at most intense the vibrations of all the cars, laptop, mobile phone, movements of objects.
BODY: Dry skin, Dry hair, Muscle loss (everywhere), Muscle weakness and pain(i cant play piano or type well at pc) bowel issues, easy sweat, littles spasms, joints, no sensation of cold at all, sense that i am lighter and the balance is a little weird, different movements in my hands and feet, like there is no so much neurons or muscles and i can draw better), little numbness at feet or hands (when i am moving it disappeared).
There are some things that are better before i had this crazy things. These are: My chronic prostatitis problem disappeared (i have better erection than ever before). I can breathe better than before (i was breathing always from mouth before, now only from nose). Also i was a very sensitive person with specific sexual preferences. Now its like i like all the women , there are no standards, its like that the only thing is left is animal instict. Hypersexuality. Everything upon me is the opposite of the real me. IT'S PURE NOTHINGNESS and it seems CONSTANTLY AND PERMANENT. I am sure there are even more weird symptoms that i can remember right now. It' s like i dsetroy my life, everything i had built. i dont know if i am better or my mind has adapted all of these new symptoms.
Has anyone else these symptoms?