Posted 12 May 2020 - 07:53 AM
Hi, I ate marijuana brownie last year, July, I had a panic attack and the next day I started to feel disconnected. I didn’t feel anything, I started to feel that I was in a dream, that I was dead, that the worl is unreal, I was floating and of course no fucking emotions and feelings. I took somes medications that helped me with the ansiety and the period that I was very very sad, maybe I can say depression because of dpdr. I always be a happy person, I as so strong and my feelings were intense, If I had a problem I stayed sad but ok, in some days I was happy again, like a normal life. But the dpdr was very BAD for me I think the most terrible thing It was when I searched on google “I don’t feel my body” “I’m dead” and I saw “despersanolization” then I rode that there was people that was like that for 10/20 years and don’t have a medication and bla bla bla, I think because of these I got very ansious and depressed because I thought my life was ended. I went to a lot of doctors, ate a lot of medications, I don’t know wich one helped me, but I’m better, like I can do everything, I can study, work, go out, sex, I also was living abroad for 3 months, without my family, And I was very proud of myself because on some months ago I couldn’t be without my mom, I just cried and this FUCKING shit that I thing everybody that had dp felt. So I was just 19years old when I left my country amd went to live with strangers. I was living in California, working in a ski resort, I made a lot of friends, I fell in live with a sport: snowboard. But one symptom still here, my feelings, emotions. I always loved to travel and although I really liked this months in California I knew that something wasn’t right. I couldn’t feel the pleasure, the emotion to have a trip, or everything, the sunset, like I already said that I was very intense about feelings and emotions, my favorite place since I was a child was the ocean, the beach, I don’t know I felt something good there, a peace but now I can’t and It make me very bad and afraid to be like this forever. I also noticed that I can’t feel the places that was familiar for me, like my street, the little market on my neighborhood, It’s weird It’s seems like de dp/dr went away but this fucking weird feelings and emotions still hear. I’m 20years old now I’m a person that love go out, go to the parties, visit new places, have a trip and when I do that, when the weekend come I don’t feel the emotion of OK LET’S GO TO A PARTY, I still going but It’s not the same, Friday it’s not the same that It was, on holidays It’s weird but I can’t feel, It’s like a normal day. Like this last sunday was mother’s day and I didn’t feel some special that I was used to feel. I don’t know what is it, I don’t know what to do, everybody say, just keep going your life but I AM, I’m really living, doing everything, I am really trying, I tried a lot of things, med, therapy, yoga, like I said I don’t feel more the terrible feelings of dp/dr but I STILL NOT FEELING, NOT BEEING INTENSE. But I also can feel somethings like jealous, attraction, I can cry when I watch some sad, like movie or when I read something sad or beautiful, I have goosebumps, I hope you understand what I’m saying hahaha, I know it’s a little confused but I need help, I don’t know another medication or Idk another thing, I’m not afraid to try new medications or new things. I’m really brave, I’m just afraid to be like this forever and don’t be more ME, AGAIN. Now I’m withdrawing desvenlafaxine, because I told where I’m feeling for my doctor and He said that this lack of emotions could be because of the med, but I think It’s not because I’ve been like this since I wasn’t taking remedies, but I’m trying, I will try everything to be 100% again. I also search a lot of and I saw a video that says Wellbutrin is good for emotions principally for the amotivational syndrome that is caused by marijuana. Wellbutrin is not good for anxiety and I’m taking off desvenlafaxine so I’m a little anxious now but I don’t care, I’m not afraid about anxiety I think I can’t control now. So I think it’s that, I’m sorry for my English, It’s my second language, my first is Portuguese. If you could help me with it I would be very happy!