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I am so done


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#1 Emptyflask

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Posted 06 May 2020 - 07:15 AM

Im so done with fighting. Im done trying. I dont want to be here and i havent for a while. This is kinda venty more than anything. I feel like im never going to regain my emotions in a healthy way and i basically dont even want to right now. Im just so tired. I dont think im cut out for this life thing anymore. life makes literally no sense to me. I try and try and try to feel and act normal and say things i usually would but it doesnt help. The only thing different now is i dont feel anxiety over this anymore. I just dont feel anything and i dont want to feel good now, i just wish i wasnt here. I do stuff all day that makes me feel positive in a certain way, like say drawing something funny(im a cartoon artist) but the feeling it provokes i no longer crave and i havent been able to for a long time, i just do it to see if ill feel differently and to get a sense of normalcy. I dont even see a point to liking things or wanting things even. Things make no sense

#2 Broken

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Posted 06 May 2020 - 07:44 AM

I am so sorry to hear this, I am totally in the same boat as you. And have exhausted so many options. I am looking at seeing a neurologist but even that I see as pointless really. I am trying to microdose magic mushrooms once again but who knows if that will help

 

I try to make routines and things that may benefit my mental health and health more generally, but when I dont feel anything and am just exhausted all the time that is just not possible. All it ever seems to do is make me more tired than anything else with minimal benefit. People really dont seem to get it either, they just think I dont care or ignore people on purpose when I am just exhausted and zoned out.



#3 Emptyflask

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Posted 07 May 2020 - 12:46 AM

I am so sorry to hear this, I am totally in the same boat as you. And have exhausted so many options. I am looking at seeing a neurologist but even that I see as pointless really. I am trying to microdose magic mushrooms once again but who knows if that will help
 
I try to make routines and things that may benefit my mental health and health more generally, but when I dont feel anything and am just exhausted all the time that is just not possible. All it ever seems to do is make me more tired than anything else with minimal benefit. People really dont seem to get it either, they just think I dont care or ignore people on purpose when I am just exhausted and zoned out.

Yeah, exactly the same except microdosing mushrooms. I just dont want to do, be, or feel anything anymore.

#4 Mariuss

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Posted 22 May 2020 - 08:42 AM

I can Relate.. i am numb for 1.5 years now.. just Living is just pain. Everyday is a goddamn stuggle.. brain numb. No feeling.. sometimes anxiety or emptyness but mostly numb.. cant even cry.. i am Not a human anymore..

#5 Chip1021

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Posted 24 May 2020 - 03:26 PM

You know, sometimes it’s actually kind of nice to see a post that isn’t overly positive and optimistic, lol.

I feel the same. I’ve sort of accepted that this is how I’m going to feel for the rest of my life, whatever it is. I think the only thing left in my arsenal is to visit the neurology department at the Mayo Clinic here, but after that, I’ve pretty much exhausted all reasonable options. 16 years of feeling completely confused, exhausted, and zoned out. Little sleep, no hunger, no Christmases or birthdays or friends or family. Excruciating head pain, constant criticism and pressures to be “normal”—even and especially from those in the “mental health” system. There just comes a breaking point. I reached mine about 8 years ago and have all but given up trying. I try to accept that this is my life now, but it’s not easy as I’m still technically a person in society, and am therefore subject to all the responsibilities expected of me. So what I’m saying is, I guess, I “feel” your pain.




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