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Processing trauma with a blank mind


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#1 Heather414

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Posted 10 February 2020 - 02:51 AM

So my DP is purely trauma induced. I believe that if I start processing the trauma it will start my recovery. I'm just confused on how to start doing that when I have such a blank mind. Im so far gone mentally that I dont think regular talk therapy will do anything at all for me. Maybe trying something more along the lines of EMDR or hypnotherapy. Something that can get deeper into my subconscious. Seriously guys I'm not here at all consciously. My traumas have seriously broke my brain. Anyone have any advice?

I remember there was a member on here that went through something extremely similar to me. They had an extreme blank mind and not many memories of their life. They did a lot of EMDR thereapy and eventually fully recovered from their DP. I hope the same can be done for me.
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#2 AnnaGiulia

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Posted 10 February 2020 - 07:17 AM

Heather, I read some of your previous entries, and I am sorry for your loss. I believe that what your are going through is a grieving process, as Where said, but that your DP, which obviously has another, earlier source (as you had it before), is kind of preventing you from actually feeling all the grief and the loss. I think that DP is your coping mechanism, and therefore it might have something to do with traumatization that you possibly did suffer earlier in life, but that is just a speculation, as DP can have various sources. I know that for me, DP becomes activated when I am overwhelmed with feelings that I cannot tolerate.

 

Something terrible happened to you, and your mind relied on the already known mechanism to shield itself from the unbearable pain. I think you need time to catch your breath. You may not feel it, as DP makes you feel disconnected emotionally, but probably your mind is processing grief in its own way, and perhaps talk would actually help. Talk with therapist or with anyone who is ready to listen, really.



#3 Al_pk

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Posted 10 February 2020 - 09:48 AM

Dp is a nuts and bolts mechanical problem, a nervous system disorder.

It doesn't actually matter how you got it.

Subconcious scrying, hypnotherapy, talk therepy is worse than nothing. It might help other areas in your life, but don't labour under the impression that it is curative for dp. It's literally just not how it's done.

#4 WreckingHotelRooms

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Posted 10 February 2020 - 12:55 PM

I agree it can be an adrenaline issue, as in my case, my adrenaline is way over when tested. 

 

"depression, in part, this due to actual chemical changes in the brain from high cortisol. High cortisol levels also can be experienced by the body as anxiety, and insomnia is extremely common" 

 

that is a quote talking about Cushings, a extreme adrenaline disorder endocrinology wise but the same theory still applies, extreme worry/adrenaline/anxiety changes chemicals. 

 

The blank mind I have too, i had relief from it on Mirtazapine for a while till the adrenaline got out of control, i'd start somewhere like there. Around half of us have blank mind, or had it. It's your brain giving you a rest, as if you did hear your low mood thoughts they'd be negative and more taxing, least this is how I gather it, having only a non blank mind when my serotonin is high enough from an antidepressant. 

 

Blank mind, is part of Anhedonia which is listed as a symptom of Major Depression Disorder, so i think the first way to target the blankness is clearing depression whatever way works for you, will take trial and error.. I go to talk therapy, I find it useful as a tool, lowers my adrenaline by not keeping it inside my head, so i don't see it as a bad thing, just not a holy grail. 

 

 

good luck



#5 REB

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Posted 10 February 2020 - 05:03 PM

I'm in the same predicament. How is cognitive therapy supposed to work without cognition? How can i think myself out of something without thought.



#6 WreckingHotelRooms

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Posted 10 February 2020 - 08:36 PM

I don't see how you could do one without the other talk therapy wise, DP rarely just random, plus talking about your life will hopefully in time make it less stressful, it's positive step IMO, though i will say medication did more than talking ever has for me



#7 Heather414

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 05:17 AM

If I remember correctly, you were saying that your boyfriend passed, and that you were having difficulty adjusting? That describes grief and adjustment difficulties. Trauma, which you may also have, is when something happens to you or someone else which makes you feel like your wellbeing was seriously threatened.

To address what you said about EDMR and blank mind, I'm skeptical of the notion of reliving trauma being beneficial. I think reliving trauma is a gateway to talking about psychological challenges we face, but we can do that without intentionally going backwards psychically or hurting ourselves psychically.


Yes that is what caused what ever is going on with me at the moment. It's really scary because it seems like as more time goes on the further away from myself and mind I get. It's like I'm experiencing dissociation and complicated grief at the same time and my brain is totally checked out.

I'm just not sure where to go from here. And I'm honestly scared to do any kind of therapy for the fear that it might make me worse with stressing out my brain too much. Do I go now or wait a little longer for my mind to relax a little more.

#8 Heather414

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 05:26 AM

Heather, I read some of your previous entries, and I am sorry for your loss. I believe that what your are going through is a grieving process, as Where said, but that your DP, which obviously has another, earlier source (as you had it before), is kind of preventing you from actually feeling all the grief and the loss. I think that DP is your coping mechanism, and therefore it might have something to do with traumatization that you possibly did suffer earlier in life, but that is just a speculation, as DP can have various sources. I know that for me, DP becomes activated when I am overwhelmed with feelings that I cannot tolerate.

Something terrible happened to you, and your mind relied on the already known mechanism to shield itself from the unbearable pain. I think you need time to catch your breath. You may not feel it, as DP makes you feel disconnected emotionally, but probably your mind is processing grief in its own way, and perhaps talk would actually help. Talk with therapist or with anyone who is ready to listen, really.


Thank you so much for your reply! It's so confusing to be dissociated and grieving (even though I dont feel it) at the same time. It's scary really. I always have memory/blank mind issues with my DP and its causing me to pretty much forget my boyfriend, feel like he never existed, not many memories with him. Its terrifying really. That's where it makes me scared to go to therapy. Will talking about it make me worse because it will stress out my brain too much? Or be beneficial?

It's hard to talk about his passing as I feel I don't have a connection to it. When I talk about it with my friends or family it doesnt strike up much in me since I feel so disconnected from myself and my mind. I truly feel like I'm in a permanent altered state of mind/ life.

I hate that my mind dissociates. Every couple of years I go through some form of DP/DR when I get way too stressed or have a REALLY bad anxiety attack.I'm so sick of it. It makes me scared for my future. How many more times am I going to have to go through something like this?

#9 Heather414

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 05:32 AM

I just wanted to thank everyone for your replies. Sorry that I've posted here kind of a lot. I'm just so very lost on what to do. I feel like if I wasnt also dealing with grief, this would be a way easier DP bout to recover from. I feel like my brain is just very confused and doesn't know what to do about either my grieving or dissociation so it's just totally shut down at the moment. I've never been this bad, it's really scary. It's like it feels like nothing is wrong at all (thanks to extreme blank mind not wanting to deal with any of my issues) but feeling like EVERYTHING is wrong at the same time since I HAVNT been able to deal with any of the issues at all.

#10 Heather414

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Posted 11 February 2020 - 05:35 AM

I'm in the same predicament. How is cognitive therapy supposed to work without cognition? How can i think myself out of something without thought.


That's exactly my thoughts too. I want to do some kind of therapy so badly but Im scared to because I dont want to just sit there being asked to talk about something but not having anything to talk about because of the blank mind. I feel like it would cause me extreme anxiety if that were to be the case. OR in other matters it just making me worse.

#11 AnnaGiulia

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Posted 12 February 2020 - 05:26 AM

Thank you so much for your reply! It's so confusing to be dissociated and grieving (even though I dont feel it) at the same time. It's scary really. I always have memory/blank mind issues with my DP and its causing me to pretty much forget my boyfriend, feel like he never existed, not many memories with him. Its terrifying really. That's where it makes me scared to go to therapy. Will talking about it make me worse because it will stress out my brain too much? Or be beneficial?

It's hard to talk about his passing as I feel I don't have a connection to it. When I talk about it with my friends or family it doesnt strike up much in me since I feel so disconnected from myself and my mind. I truly feel like I'm in a permanent altered state of mind/ life.

I hate that my mind dissociates. Every couple of years I go through some form of DP/DR when I get way too stressed or have a REALLY bad anxiety attack.I'm so sick of it. It makes me scared for my future. How many more times am I going to have to go through something like this?

Heather, even though your current thoughts and fears are all concerned with you experiencing symptoms of DP, your dissociation and grieving are clearly connected, as you said yourself. Your fear of therapy can also be the fear of actually feeling the loss, which is completely understandable. When grieving, people deliberately make themselves numb with medications, so that they can bear the load of pain. Your mind virtually did the same for you, sheltering you from feeling. So, I understand your dilemma, whether to go to talk to someone right away, or give yourself time until you do not feel as stresses out as you are now. Just remember, therapists - the good ones - are trained to deal with people in different difficult states of mind. I sincerely doubt that a good therapist will push you towards feeling even more lost and confused, as their primary task in situations of profound suffering, which is what you are experiencing now (even though you feel numb), is to calm you down, and not agitate you even more. Take care, H, and remember that you will come out of it, eventually, as you did before.



#12 Heather414

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Posted 15 February 2020 - 01:15 AM

Heather, even though your current thoughts and fears are all concerned with you experiencing symptoms of DP, your dissociation and grieving are clearly connected, as you said yourself. Your fear of therapy can also be the fear of actually feeling the loss, which is completely understandable. When grieving, people deliberately make themselves numb with medications, so that they can bear the load of pain. Your mind virtually did the same for you, sheltering you from feeling. So, I understand your dilemma, whether to go to talk to someone right away, or give yourself time until you do not feel as stresses out as you are now. Just remember, therapists - the good ones - are trained to deal with people in different difficult states of mind. I sincerely doubt that a good therapist will push you towards feeling even more lost and confused, as their primary task in situations of profound suffering, which is what you are experiencing now (even though you feel numb), is to calm you down, and not agitate you even more. Take care, H, and remember that you will come out of it, eventually, as you did before.

Thank you so much for your insight! I'm confused on what to tackle first. The grief or dp? I feel as though I cant grieve because I'm dissociated. Do I try to do both at the same time? Sorry to ask so many questions, I guess I'm kinda also asking myself at the same time as I type them.

I've seen people hyper aware of their existence with DP, for me it feels like I'm under aware of mine. Like life just has this dark feeling to it. Idk how to describe it, it's something I've never felt before. Or maybe its depression but since I have DP I cant feel it fully or correctly

I just want to remember my boyfriend. I want my memories back. I want to feel like I'm actually living again. I'm stuck in this constant no past, no present, no future feeling. It feels like my whole life before my boyfriend died, before the DP hit didnt exist. It's like I know facts and information about my life but absolutely no connection to it.




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