17 replies to this topic

[Cedric]

The video really shows what many think is the strong connection between long-term DPDR thoughts and OCD, really interesting, thanks for posting it

[indigo-alice]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to give a little update and hopefully give you guys some hope if you have been struggling with similar issues to me  

 

Since this post I have been trying my hardest to live my life and stay away from these forums as much as I can - and I am beginning to see improvements. I have moved back to Uni and even though it has been really difficult, I have been making myself go to classes and go out with friends no matter how terrible I feel, and I am glad to say things seem to be slowly looking up. Talking about memories with friends has helped me to realise that this is the nature of human experience - we are all the same. We all store our own timelines within our minds, and while these moments are fleeting and only last a short while but they are stored inside us forever and help us to make sense of the world. Trying to figure out the nature of time in my own head  seemed impossible, but in going out and living in the world again and connecting with people it has started to make sense again and click back into place. These types of obsessive thoughts are impossible to logic your way out of, you just have to experience life and everything will work itself out eventually. I'm definitely not 100% yet, quite a way from it, but my attitude towards this whole ordeal has improved massively and I think that is the key to getting out of this.

Anyone struggling with this similar obsession, or just DP in general: I know all you may want to do is stay indoors and hide but please, please force yourself to get out into the world again. No matter how horrible you feel nothing can hurt you. I promise. I was literally sat in class the other day and I felt like I was about to spin off into another dimension, faint, and go psychotic all at the same time and I was terrified. But I just let myself sit with those feelings and guess what - I made it through the class and came home and felt so proud of myself. Getting back into a routine has been really helping too. When you have nothing to do all day time does seem weird, as you are literally just watching every moment pass, but since making myself go out and do things this has become less of a concern, as I am not simply watching time but living in it and making the most of it.

 

Keep going  

[Al_pk]

I wanted to ask how you are doing. I'm glad you've been feeling a bit better about it. It's a really pernicious theme to get caught up in. Time and memory are probably two of the most fundamental cornerstones of human life and you do not realise this until you have anxiety over it.

It took me 1.5 years to reintegrate into normal routines after suffering this. Relaxation still eludes me.

It is the normal human experience but it's also meant to be subconcious and fluid. No amount of logic has made my mind happy

[indigo-alice]

You're so right about not realising until you're anxious, it's crazy all the things we take for granted when we're in our normal state of mind, whatever that is! While this journey is a hard one its made me appreciate my memories and time so much more - we are so lucky to have them even if they are confusing for us at the moment. Memories should be cherished and I'm sure in years to come our memories of this struggle will remind us how strong we are and what we are capable of enduring.

It's the nature of obsession for logic not to make you happy or satisfied - which is why it's important to do rather than think, as at the moment we aren't fully in control of our thoughts but we do have control over our bodies. For example someone with OCD who is obsessed with germs knows logically that they most likely haven't caught a deadly disease from touching a door handle, but the obsessive mind can't rest until they know for sure. In order to combat that they need to accept that, yeah, they might have some deadly virus but it isn't worth  completely stopping everything/carrying out compulsions until they have the all clear. It's a similar thing for us. The nature of time is weird and scary and we will never know for sure where the past is or what memories are, but we need to carry on even though we're freaked out and let our experiences help us understand, rather than trying to think our way out.

 

You seem like a very strong person and I am sure that relaxation will come to you in time. And when it does you will definitely have earned it! I remember reading something on here about time seeming like an enemy right now but that it will actually a good friend if you allow it to be - I find it helpful to remind myself of that when I feel really down.

[indigo-alice]

Anyway, I'm getting off these forums again for a little while and will probably check back in a week or two. I honestly recommend anybody else to do the same, its good to stop feeding your mind new dp/dr stuff for a while and give it some fresh material to work with!  

[Al_pk]

All you can really do with this is experience enough normality to show your body and mind that you are not afraid. At my worst point I had panic attacks and very real physical doom barriers that stopped me in my tracks. These have gone now and so I've definately had some success. It's more mental ocd for me now.

Nowadays I just feel like I'm always looking over my shoulder and a bit freaked out that I was there now I'm here.

I hate how quick the brain is to do negative things with our lives. Like it never gives you permanent euphoria disorder. No. It just wants to show you the problem with time. I loved my life before all this. Now my only aim in life is to feel at true peace in time and space.

It's good that you can see some positives, for me it's all at such a level of discomfort that I do find it hard to see anything of value.

Yes I have spoken to others who have suffered with this and the general concensus is that time will be your friend in the end

Good luck with uni Alice