I haven't been on here in what feels like forever. Which is pretty incredible as for years this was a place of comfort for me and I would probably be dead without it.
I don't really have any magical anecdotes or platitudes to help most people on here. it took me a very long time to get to where I'm at now, a lot of pain and hopelessness. And no, I'm not completely recovered, and I think for that to happen I still need to do some personal work; however the combination of Mirtazapine (remeron) and Lamotrigine (lamictal) has gotten me the farthest I've ever been to experiencing recovery. The last time I was on here I was entirely hopeless and lost. I was drinking beer 3-4 times a week, blacking out and taking benzos all the time. Things had become way too heavy for me to handle. Then in 2018 I was put on lexapro. At the time I thought it was helping when in actuality it was only making me more numb to everything. I stayed on it for 6 months then got taken off of it. After that I went on mirtazapine (45 mg) which really helped to control my anxiety,insomnia and depression in turn giving me a boost up in being able to control my DP/DR symptoms. I ended up having to stop seeing that psychiatrist as he wasn't addressing my DP/DR at all and seemed to know next to nothing about it (this is common unfortunately). I was able to suggest lamictal to my new psychiatrist and he was open to let me trying it. I moved up in dosage fairly slow, then jumped from 50mg to 150mg two weeks ago. It has been a miracle medication. My anxiety/ocd/panic attacks/depression/dp - dr/ and agoraphobia has never been lower. I can move throughout life more comfortably than ever. My world doesn't look like a fucked up silent hill or david lynch movie and I'm probably at the most content I've ever been since all of this started. Music sounds great. I can socialize incredibly well now. I'm not contained to my room panicking about life and ruminating over everything. I go out and enjoy life, genuinely enjoying it almost like I'm a kid again.
I was an extremely severe case. If you name a symptom of this disorder I guarantee you I've had it; to put that into a more grim perspective, my best friend killing himself last year wasn't nearly as bad as the years I spent with this disorder. Try ANYTHING and EVERYTHING you can. I know a lot of people wait around thinking medication is evil or will make symptoms worse, and while it does sometimes, you generally go back to baseline when youre fully off of it. Even then the pain and anguish of never trying anything and sitting around is infinitely worse than what a medication can do to you.
I really never thought this life would ever be possible again. I'm really really glad that I stuck around for it.
Have hope and hang in there.