So I got inspired to write a little about what I believe is my way to live a better life. Not free from anxiety but accepting it and living a fulfilled life anyway. I haven't slept much so this will just be a start and I will probably write some more at a later date. The other part of it, the commitment part, I haven't really worked with yet. So I started with this book some time ago:
I got a bit in and then it was an exercise where you should say your negative thougts and feelings out loud when you felt them. I said them loud in my head instead. Did not want to shop for groceries and accidentally say my anxieties out loud. The exercise was meant to stretch two weeks. I did it two years instead. Without going in to much about why, but I needed to do that. I see myself as a world champion at pushing negative thoughts away. So now I can sit in a chair with a cop of tee and be more in the now. Accepting the negativity more.
So I have opened the book again. I have started to learn what I think. Like Im quite isolated right now. I have my cat whos ten and I'm terrified of loosing her. I registered that every time I saw her I just thought about her dying. So I learned about my thougtpatterns there and then I made the effort to let that feeling be there. I ask myself: can I have this feeling and still be in the present? Sometime I can, sometimes I cant and sometimes It opens up a lot of the things I have pushed away. My work is starting to change me. Now sometimes I can feel happiness that I have my cat alive with me this day. Grateful. I think this positive emotions cant manifest when you push all the bad ones away.
Acceptance is one of the hardest things to learn. It will take time. But for me it seems the way to go.