I'm new to this community. I have been going through DPDR for a few years now. It's only NOW that i have been able to truly understand it and have started a journey towards improvement. When i say i understand it, i understand only the way DPDR has affected me and what caused it. Reading other people's stories here, i can relate to a lot of symptoms but each and every case is unique. As in, the triggering event/s, the lifestyle of each individual and mental capacity to cope with DPDR, they all vary.
My DPDR symptoms began affecting me 3 years ago. Why do i say that it began affecting and not that it ALL STARTED 3 years ago? Because i believe i have always carried it ever since i was a kid. I have always felt something was not right with me as i could compare my experience with my siblings. Growing up i was diagnosed with Asthma and had to take a lot of medications for that. It got cured after 10 years, when i turned 17. My DPDR condition was enhanced by those medications, however i was still able to function as normal person. Fast forward 13 years(during which time i had graduated, started working etc.) an event triggered my DPDR and put directly from the 2nd to the 5th gear. That event was my Marriage. My siblings got married and apparently did not have any problems. I thought i would be just fine. But i was so wrong. My DPDR kicked into the highest gear and i was not the same person anymore. My life was not the same anymore. It began with a thick fog on mind all the time. It was as if my eyes are looking through a thick glass wall that is enclosed with smoke/fog. Then came the numbness. I could not feel anything, no emotion whatsoever. I stopped feeling all and any emotion. It was in a way, kind of calming too. But so not human like.Up until that point, i thought may be i have overreacted to my marriage and it will go away but it got worse. My emotions for anyone my wife, my family and friends were non existent. It was extremely painful. My desire to live was gone. I was a robot that would eat, sleep, work but not feel anything. Nothing gave me joy, Nothing.
Being an engineer by profession, i always took pride in my work. I loved to work and spend time in office. Once my mental condition got worse, i started having lapses in my memory. I would blank out at times during work. I could swear i even forgot who am i and what's my name? It got truly very scary. For the first time in my life i dreaded coming to work. Basic commands used in softwares that i had on my fingertips, went missing most of the times. I was beginning to lose confidence of my colleagues and bosses. Interacting with others in meetings became excruciatingly painful. My mind went blank so often that i would write everything that i could possibly think of before a meeting.
So imagine this, living with a wife you don't love and have no sentiments for, always having a sheet of fog enveloping your mind and covering your eyes, not being able to remember things that were important to you and most of all questioning your own existence. The void inside grew ever so large, i could've easily drowned and vanished in it. I have been living that and have reached a point where i did not want to continue living. I gave up my job as i could not keep up with it and felt i was not doing justice to my role. I stopped driving as this fog and numbness of my mind could have easily put other people's lives in jeopardy. I ended my marriage after consultation with my therapist.
I have started to feel better with my lifestyle and routine changes. I have not been working for a few months now and it took away the stress of work and pushing myself too hard. I started working on my health, my overall health. I am jogging in the morning and take long walks in the evening. I completely stopped with junk food and processed stuff. I don't watch a lot of TV or movies, because i felt they did make my condition worse as i would start day dreaming and the fog would thicken. In Fact, i would recommend anyone reading this to try and not watch TV or use phone internet for a couple of weeks. It is helping me for a fact and now when i watch TV/phone, it is only for brief moments and ONLY to watch news and stuff that does not take my mind into the wonderland.
I still have DPDR. I still have the fog and the numbness and the memory with gaping holes. I still don't/can't drive. But i feel much better. The symptoms are diminishing every week. I feel the more physical exertion i do, the less time/energy my mind has to play all those tricks on me. I do not fight my mind anymore. I let it be. But i follow my new lifestyle religiously. It's like cutting a deal with the devil. I don't try to impose the "normality" on my mind and in return it let's me follow my routine. It's not as easy as it sounds and sometimes its a real drag. I know i won't be completely healed as quickly as i want to, But
i have hope and i have the will
PS: Sry for the long post, i would love to interact with you guys and hopefully, we can give each other some help in getting over our problems. Sometimes even relating to someone helps you calm down.