6 replies to this topic

[coraliecotton]

Has anybody else had the experience of feeling evil when they are experiencing intense dp? When I look back at my childhood memories when in this state I feel like I can remember feeling an evilness inside me or like I was a psychopath. This terrifies me because I don’t know if it’s true or if I’m developing psychosis with delusions.

[anitas]

I had that feeling and it was horrible but deep down inside I knew it wasn't the real me it was "dp" messing with my head. Fortunately it went away. It's not phychosis it's our minds messing with us. Keep hope.

[eddy1886]

Its classic DP intrusive thoughts...

 

Its disturbing and unsettling but NOT dangerous...

 

You are NOT going psychotic and they are NOT delusions....

 

It eases off in time...

[coraliecotton]

Its classic DP intrusive thoughts...

Its disturbing and unsettling but NOT dangerous...


You are NOT going psychotic and they are NOT delusions....

It eases off in time...

Thanks for replying. Can an intrusive thought come in the form of a feeling? It’s not having the thought that I could be evil that’s the problem. I’m only thinking that because I FEEL evil and can remember having that same feeling of evil when I look back at memories. It’s like an intrusive feeling.

[Phantasm]

Yes, I think a thought can just as easily be a feeling. When you say you feel/felt evil, could that be because the situation you were in or the people around you made you feel that way? A child can't be evil. They are a blank slate, but if only given negative feedback they take that upon themselves.

 

I always felt I was "bad" from childhood, but one of the most important distinctions I made was this, "other people made me feel bad, but I'm not bad and never was." That's like a starting point, and you say that every time you feel fundamentally bad (or evil). Keep doing it and give your mind time to keep testing and considering it. It's objectively true. It's about thought identification: which ones we automatically believe and when we should challenge and correct what is damaging to us.

 

Anyhow, I don't know if you'll relate to this exactly, but it's something that's helped me.

[coraliecotton]

Yes, I think a thought can just as easily be a feeling. When you say you feel/felt evil, could that be because the situation you were in or the people around you made you feel that way? A child can't be evil. They are a blank slate, but if only given negative feedback they take that upon themselves.

I always felt I was "bad" from childhood, but one of the most important distinctions I made was this, "other people made me feel bad, but I'm not bad and never was." That's like a starting point, and you say that every time you feel fundamentally bad (or evil). Keep doing it and give your mind time to keep testing and considering it. It's objectively true. It's about thought identification: which ones we automatically believe and when we should challenge and correct what is damaging to us.

Anyhow, I don't know if you'll relate to this exactly, but it's something that's helped me.

I’m not sure why I felt evil. Nobody ever told me I was bad or evil or inferred it. I’m not even sure if the memory of feeling evil is an accurate memory because when I don’t have dpdr and I look back at my memories I don’t feel like I was evil. It’s like some kind of state dependent memory or my dpdr is colouring the memory falsely maybe. It’s a feeling like I was inherently bad or had something dark inside me but I don’t know why I would have felt that way. I feel evil in the present moment too. I can only describe that as an absence of all that’s good in me. It’s like I can’t feel love or happiness just this bad bad feeling. It’s hard to describe properly but it makes me feel scared of myself.

[Phantasm]

Some things we learn aren't always said, it can just be how we are made to feel. 

 

Although, I'm not trying to impose anything, but when you used the term inherently bad I had to check if I'd just said that, as it's just what I meant. It's like toxic shame. There are different ways of describing it.