Hi all. I've periodically visited this site for a few years but never posted. I've had dpdr for almost 6 years now. Fully recovered twice but relapsed both times because, well, it's the cool thing to do. Anyways, I came across this video where Jordan Peterson talks about how ruminating on old memories that conjure up unaddressed emotions are what keep people from moving forward in life (let me know if the link doesn't work, watch from 16:36 to the end): https://youtu.be/OReAF9qwMkY?t=996
After all these years, I've come to find that this is essentially the fuel for dpdr. You've probably heard this before, but maybe my experience can make you feel more convinced of it. In the video he references his program, selfauthoring.com, though I'm yet to explore the program in depth. He mentions that part of it (or all of it?) is writing about periods in your life, recalling specific events from those periods, and basically describing the emotions tied to those events. So how is my experience related to this? Years ago, the first time I recovered was a rare and random overnight recovery. Yes. I woke up and it was gone--I pretty much had a realitygasm upon waking. So yes, it can happen, but don't count on it. The second time I fully recovered is where I'd like you to pay a little more attention. About a year ago I was a mess. Anorexic, withdrawn, constantly stoned. I had pretty much given up and was actively dissociating because I was sick of life. But one day I mustered up the energy to try and write some songs. I remember looking at the pages in my notebook and struggling to focus. Move this verse here, see how this sounds, what about this jingle, yada yada.. The dpdr was very much present, and I was thinking, "geez, this would be so much easier if I could concentrate and if my vision wasn't grainy." But I just pushed on trying to finish what I had started. I eventually stopped trying to structure what I was doing. Instead I just spilled out whatever was on my mind. Poetry, scattered thoughts, feelings, funny things I would think of. Fatigue set in and I went to bed. I woke up the next morning and felt very strange. Like, I felt a way that I hadn't felt in years. Everything was dpdr-free. I wish I could say I was totally happy, but I was more confused than anything. I wasn't writing the night before to cure my dpdr. I was just doing it because I felt like doing it. It took about two weeks of retracing my steps for me to discover that the only thing that could have cured me was spilling my thoughts onto the pages of my notebook. It's possible that I was cured before I even went to sleep that night but it's impossible for me to remember. But how could someone not recall or recognize the moment that their dpdr vanished? Because if you are deeply engaged enough in reality, dpdr is the last thing that you're concerned about.
There's obviously a lot more to say about any of the points I've made but I feel like I've already been dragging on. There's something powerful about writing which Peterson has picked up on and that I've experienced. I hate to suggest something that I'm not very familiar with but maybe you should check out selfauthoring.com and reply with what you think. I'd recommend watching that video regardless (be patient, it comes full circle to dpdr by the end). I'm still dpdr'ed at the moment but have had a great grip on it lately and understand it much better than I used to. I apologize if this post seems a bit all-over-the-place, it's 1am where I live and I wrote it in one go. If you have any questions about what I've said or about my experience then please ask!