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36 year DP sufferer,,,maybe some help I hope


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#1 luke7

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Posted 21 November 2018 - 01:43 PM

Hi all,

I have debated whether to come here or not. My only reason not to is that "sometimes" these forums can keep you reminded of what we have, not the forums fault, just the way it is.

My story in as short as I can:

I got dp before my 21st bday. I am now 56. I was smoking weed with my brother and this overwhelming feeling that I was dying came over me. I went to go lay down and my mind was just racing and thinking about all the possible life ending scenarios that could be happening to me at that moment. I ended up coming out of it maybe an hr after and thought is was a once over, but it wasn't. About a week later, I was driving a flower delivery van and that same feeling overtook me in the van but worse, I pulled over, was freaking out, drove back to the florist and went home, never to be the same again...my life completely changed from that day. I felt that I was detached from myself, not the same guy anymore and the world was different to me. Like I was watching from another body.

 

So, what has happened since? I went to ever possible psych in the area and dp was really unknown back then so not much help except they put me on every med including anti psychotics which did nothing or made my dp worse. Pretty scary stuff for a 20 yr old kid to be going through. I went to 4 years of college but felt like I was in a constant dream state. To this day, I don't know how I moved away from home and did college. I started a business that was very successful and sold it 15 years later but still had dp every day. I got married, built a house and had kids, they are now 23 yrs old and do not know about my dp. Neither did my ex nor my fiance now.This all sounds like a very normal life and it is but the pain was still there every single day, I think we just learn to live with it as best we can. I also started gambling as a way to not think about dp but you know where that ended up...in GA and divorced.

 

Fast forward and here is the good news for the teenagers/ young kids who may have just gotten dp:

As much as you feel like you are going crazy, you will die, you will kill someone you love because you're nuts, etc etc, all these bad thoughts are just that..harmless, insignificant thoughts. We never go crazy, we don't die from dp, nor do we do anything nutty. Think of the worst thing that think you "may do" and you won't...I can guarantee it. Bottom line is sanity wins over hands down because we are not insane. In fact, we live fairly normal lives and are probably the best actors in the world as most loved ones close to us would never know we have dp unless we told them so. My main reason for posting is to let the teenagers/ young kids who are frightened beyond belief right now know that you will not die or go insane from dp. Also, you have a much better shot today beating/ living with dp than I did 36 years ago because there is so much more known about dp today...maybe no "actual pill cure", but more medical info you can tap into, especially if you nip it in the bud.

 

My saving grace was in 1999 there was some belief that klono and a ssri was helping dp patients so I took both and have been on since. Did it help? Kind of but again, no cure. I am actually almost done with my ssri withdrawal and have gone from 2 mg klono/ day to 1.5 mg...it is very hard to come off klono so take it very very slow. I just don't want to be on meds anymore. I think the klono works on the brain in that it helps stop/ ease the constant obsessive inward thoughts, it takes the edge off. But today, maybe the meds are different that can help dp. I think dp is our brains putting us in "safe mode". It wants to protect us from the pain of the real world but in return, it puts us in an unreal/ detached state as well so not a help at all. I wish I could tell my brain to get me out of safe mode.

 

One last suggestion, read "Hope and health for your nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes. It really helps with not giving any strength to those awful thoughts we have. I found it to help a lot when I read it 20 years ago. Again, no cure but helpful.

DP is scary. no doubt. I have said I wish I had cancer so at least I know what I'm fighting. DP is a silent illness which lives behind a curtain. Only thing with cancer is it can kill you and dp won't so pick your poison.

 

Hope this helped, even if it was just a bit, especially the young ones who are freaked out. Just know that you're not going crazy and you will not die from dp. We are probably the most sane people out there.

Peace to all

 

 

 



#2 MyBattle

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 05:22 PM

Sorry if I sound like an asshole, and I am in no position to judge you but to just come here to ''not scare'' people and help them by saying you have DP for 36 years kind of makes me wonder if you are trolling.

 

I mean come on, do you think anyone can read past the 36 years and not freak out?

 

This first post smells like bs to me...



#3 anitas

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 06:11 PM

Crap I was thinking the same 😕specially when a book was being advertising. No offense just me.

#4 luke7

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 07:31 PM

Hey guys,
Sorry to disappoint but my story is not bs and my ebook was written in 2002 on a computer I don’t even own anymore so neither of your accusations are true
My main purpose in writing this was to let young kids know that they will be ok
There is much more info on dp today than in 1982 and I just wanted these kids to know they are not going insane crazy or nuts
We are probably the most sane people out there
Appreciate the warm welcome
L

#5 luke7

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 07:39 PM

One last thing
The book I mentioned by dr Claire weekes is very helpful
Not a cure but helpful with those obsessive thoughts dp sufferers have
She passed away years ago but didn’t know mentioning a book would start a firestorm in here
I don’t have any books to sell. Just a FYI
Wish all of you the best

#6 WreckingHotelRooms

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Posted 12 December 2018 - 09:02 PM

can you pleas list medications tried (i'm sure you did, but order, what you are on now etc) plus block text, sorry...

 

Scan read and all I see is a book



#7 eddy1886

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Posted 13 December 2018 - 02:21 AM

Its not scare mongering...Its his story...

 

Ive had DP since I was 18...Im now 46...But I have learned to live with it as a managed condition (with the help of medicine)...And I have lived a pretty normal life despite it...

 

The truth is everybody is different...

 

Some people recover completely, Some people learn to live with it long term and others need meds to keep it at bay...

 

There is no one size fits all when it comes to recovering from DP....



#8 Abe89

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Posted 13 December 2018 - 04:36 AM

I've had DP since 2005 (13 years). There are no psychiatrists familiar with DP in my country, I know this because there are no published documents about DP by local practitioners. Also there is much social stigma so I've not gone to see a psychiatrist.

I've coped by the help of acceptance and spirituality so far. I joined this website few months ago because those two were not sufficient anymore and I needed people support.



#9 Spadde

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Posted 13 December 2018 - 09:52 AM

I appreciate this



#10 luke7

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Posted 13 December 2018 - 11:28 AM

I'm assuming the question about meds was for me?

I have taken the following:

paxil

zoloft

prozac

zyprexa- disaster

valium

celexa- some help

klonpoin

 

last 2 are most recent and best results was from klonopin by far, others did nothing or made my dp worse

hope that helps



#11 MyBattle

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Posted 13 December 2018 - 02:40 PM

What makes it that it has sticked around so long for you?

 

And do you have any future plans for treating it?



#12 Visual

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Posted 13 December 2018 - 03:08 PM

Hi all,

I have debated whether to come here or not. My only reason not to is that "sometimes" these forums can keep you reminded of what we have, not the forums fault, just the way it is.

My story in as short as I can:

I got dp before my 21st bday. I am now 56. I was smoking weed with my brother and this overwhelming feeling that I was dying came over me. I went to go lay down and my mind was just racing and thinking about all the possible life ending scenarios that could be happening to me at that moment. I ended up coming out of it maybe an hr after and thought is was a once over, but it wasn't. About a week later, I was driving a flower delivery van and that same feeling overtook me in the van but worse, I pulled over, was freaking out, drove back to the florist and went home, never to be the same again...my life completely changed from that day. I felt that I was detached from myself, not the same guy anymore and the world was different to me. Like I was watching from another body.

 

So, what has happened since? I went to ever possible psych in the area and dp was really unknown back then so not much help except they put me on every med including anti psychotics which did nothing or made my dp worse. Pretty scary stuff for a 20 yr old kid to be going through. I went to 4 years of college but felt like I was in a constant dream state. To this day, I don't know how I moved away from home and did college. I started a business that was very successful and sold it 15 years later but still had dp every day. I got married, built a house and had kids, they are now 23 yrs old and do not know about my dp. Neither did my ex nor my fiance now.This all sounds like a very normal life and it is but the pain was still there every single day, I think we just learn to live with it as best we can. I also started gambling as a way to not think about dp but you know where that ended up...in GA and divorced.

 

Fast forward and here is the good news for the teenagers/ young kids who may have just gotten dp:

As much as you feel like you are going crazy, you will die, you will kill someone you love because you're nuts, etc etc, all these bad thoughts are just that..harmless, insignificant thoughts. We never go crazy, we don't die from dp, nor do we do anything nutty. Think of the worst thing that think you "may do" and you won't...I can guarantee it. Bottom line is sanity wins over hands down because we are not insane. In fact, we live fairly normal lives and are probably the best actors in the world as most loved ones close to us would never know we have dp unless we told them so. My main reason for posting is to let the teenagers/ young kids who are frightened beyond belief right now know that you will not die or go insane from dp. Also, you have a much better shot today beating/ living with dp than I did 36 years ago because there is so much more known about dp today...maybe no "actual pill cure", but more medical info you can tap into, especially if you nip it in the bud.

 

My saving grace was in 1999 there was some belief that klono and a ssri was helping dp patients so I took both and have been on since. Did it help? Kind of but again, no cure. I am actually almost done with my ssri withdrawal and have gone from 2 mg klono/ day to 1.5 mg...it is very hard to come off klono so take it very very slow. I just don't want to be on meds anymore. I think the klono works on the brain in that it helps stop/ ease the constant obsessive inward thoughts, it takes the edge off. But today, maybe the meds are different that can help dp. I think dp is our brains putting us in "safe mode". It wants to protect us from the pain of the real world but in return, it puts us in an unreal/ detached state as well so not a help at all. I wish I could tell my brain to get me out of safe mode.

 

One last suggestion, read "Hope and health for your nerves" by Dr Claire Weekes. It really helps with not giving any strength to those awful thoughts we have. I found it to help a lot when I read it 20 years ago. Again, no cure but helpful.

DP is scary. no doubt. I have said I wish I had cancer so at least I know what I'm fighting. DP is a silent illness which lives behind a curtain. Only thing with cancer is it can kill you and dp won't so pick your poison.

 

Hope this helped, even if it was just a bit, especially the young ones who are freaked out. Just know that you're not going crazy and you will not die from dp. We are probably the most sane people out there.

Peace to all

 

You describe essentially living a normal life in spite of DP.  Even marriage and kids ... and they don't know about your DP?  The latter seems unusual.  Perhaps protecting kids makes sense but why not tell your partners?  This isn't an attack but rather an attempt to understand.

 

DP is often described on this forum as being disconnected from ones own feeling, or as you mention, 'detached'.  But it seems that feelings exist.  No doubt you love your kids, etc.  It is just that you feel like a robot watching someone else.

 

I am trying to grasp or differentiate disconnected from one's self verses disconnected from others.  The latter is my nemesis.  That and peculiar visual processing issues.  You feel connected to your family?

 

It is great that you have and are living life and did not give up.  Your 1st sentence has commonly been expressed - not wanting a forum to remind you of what one suffers.  There is a certain irony of dissociating from this problem of dissociation.  But life is full of irony and one needs to find ways to succeed in living while, hopefully, making progress toward a recovery.

 

You mention weed as a cause or trigger of your condition.  This is also commonly reported here.  I have my postulates about that but often worry others when expressing such, so I don't much anymore.  As you've seen, there is objection about reporting living many years with it.  Anxiety is prevalent here.  But you have shown a high level of success and that is simply wonderful.  We are similar 'vintage' so, as they say: keep on truckin.






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