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#1 hanginginhere_ramen

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 04:04 PM

do you think if i commited suicide, my family would understand? i really cant bear this anymore and everybody around me thinks im faking it or they dont really get it. im at least hoping that once i finally do it that theyll at least understand and realize that i was saving myself from more pain.

#2 BabyBak

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 07:16 PM

hey man im at the same point. just having this disorder is tortuous. But what make it so much worse is that since we "Look" normal on the outside we are expected to function at the same level that we used to. My parents won't let me sit on the couch when my mind is completely and utterly fucked. I'm watching a movie of myself and feel like i have no soul. Idk how people on this forum are able to live at home with their parents locked in a room for 8 years. my parents both have pHDs and wont allow that. As scarred as I am im going to have to end it soon. I'm not gonna waste away in a room like a zombie. But i cant function anymore in society. its a tough pill to swallow and I don't wanna hurt my parents but I think this is the end for me.



#3 Phantasm

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 08:03 PM

I wish I knew the right words. I do know that how we may feel in one situation can change when things improve. I also know that how we may have come to feel, through relationships or circumstances, isn't necessarily true, and we can change how we feel and interpret things in a way we can use to move forward. Maybe you can look for help, connections or contacts away from and outside of your current situations, which can really help with finding perspective. Use the help lines in the pinned thread in this forum if you need to.



#4 forestx5

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 08:33 PM

If ECT hadn't restored my mental health, I would probably have ended my existence to avoid further suffering.  It is difficult to assess the level of suffering experienced by a person with severe depression.  Insomnia, anxiety, significant weight loss, and feelings of absolute hopelessness are sufficient cause.  

If I had understood, at age 17, the length of my torment in decades, and the severity of the symptoms I would somehow endure, I could easily have forgiven myself for abandoning life as I knew it.  But, I took it one day at a time...and days turned to months, and months to years, and years to decades.

I never thought it could end as it has.  I feel guilty that it is unlikely that other sufferers will be as fortunate as I was to learn the genesis of my illness and provide a self diagnosis that resulted in treatment that gave me my life back.

To answer the question as to whether family and friends would understand, the simple answer is no they will not.  They will be hurt and they will suffer emotional pain.  They probably feel helpless and inadequate in not being able to help you.

But, life will go on.  You should understand this completely before you do anything final. Where there is life, there is hope.



#5 Chip1021

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 08:34 PM

Well, I don't think you will get anyone on this forum to endorse suicide (it's probably against the rules), but I can definitely understand. The only way I'm able to get through this is that my family has mostly finally come around to my disability (though it took almost 10 years of trying to work and failing and having alcohol problems and several psych hospital stays). Maybe if there's something you can do to convince them that this is just as real and disabling as any other illness. Hell, its more disabling than MOST other illnesses (at least that's the way I see it). Anyways, do you think that if you can get people to "get it", that your existence would at least be bearable?

#6 BabyBak

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 08:58 PM

hey chip, even if my parents come around to it, watching their son, who was once headed to graduate school and perfectly normal become a ghost of who he was will hurt them permanently. Suicide will at least end my suffering. Im very logical about it. I dont feel outright depression, I just feel utterly numb. 151,600 people die per day, in our own heads our survival instinct is strong, thats the way we've been programmed but in the grand scheme of things death is not a big deal. That being said I'm very afraid to confront my own death. But my memory is gone, I have no appetite, no sex drive, I dont sleep anymore. I dont even have any more anxiety. I'm living in a shell. 



#7 Chip1021

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Posted 05 September 2018 - 09:18 PM

You sound a lot like me, babybak. Including the grad school thing (though my parents are not PhDs...that must put a lot of pressure on you). Feel free to PM me if you want to chat more.

#8 M1k3y

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Posted 06 September 2018 - 12:01 AM

never the right decision man, find some help like a doctor, i say start finding vitamins that can help u, 5htp maybe, vitamin d, anything to promote positive, were all going thru pain, just think down the line when this is over, ull be so happy u didnt end it and be happy with ur life, keep pushing man



#9 Phantasm

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Posted 06 September 2018 - 04:35 AM

Getting an official diagnosis can make a lot of parents finally take you seriously. Both my parents were doctors (medical and forensic), so they were totally insensitive and emotionally retarded. If you feel bad it comes from bad experiences with other people. Don't identify with those feelings, accept, then big-up yourself in your self talk. Make it a habit until it becomes your automatic thoughts. You will probably disregard this as wishy-washy, but it changes everything :)



#10 star_cheese

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Posted 07 September 2018 - 10:00 PM

I have found that your relative family can be the least understanding people, brothers and sisters too.  I don't know why, but probably some form of denial; they refuse to fully acknowledge how bad their loved one is hurting. It must be difficult and sad for people to watch their family member go through this. I too have suicidal thoughts/tendencies.  I know what you mean, it seems like they cannot see the most obvious of symptoms.  And when they do take notice, their kind efforts seems to  cause me to feel worse, unfortunately.  I began to "get better" once I started setting emotional boundaries with my family.  There are certain and specific people I know that I can go to when I'm feeling my worst and they will hear me without judgment and have understanding with me.  Find people like this, they are out there. They will need you just as much as you need them. 



#11 fel49

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Posted 08 September 2018 - 06:25 AM

Thanks a lot for all your answers. I feel a little better. Yes find good people (few friends support it is good) is necessary to bet better...I do my best and as a believer I need to believe that life is not over of course it is difficult sometimes very very but I will do my best. Thks 






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