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depersonalisation derealisation derealization depression

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#1 hollowsounds



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Posted 08 July 2018 - 08:19 AM

Hi everyone,

I’ve been suffering with severe DP/DR since May 2015 after a bad experience with weed (a bad experience that I now realise was an incredibly severe panic attack). I suddenly felt a feeling I’d never felt before; my arms didn’t feel like my own, my mind felt entirely numb, everything seemed blurry and I felt like I was in a dream and like I was going to die.

In the months following, I experienced almost daily panic attacks along with an overwhelming feeling that nothing was real and that everything around me seems strange and unfamiliar; I’d look at my family and my mind would tell me that they were strangers. I experienced bad agoraphobia in the months following, not leaving my house for 6 months.

I then received therapy from a private therapist who allowed me to be able to leave my house and do things I’d never done before. I also received CBT which helped me tackle my panic head-on to the point that I haven’t had any panic attacks since early 2016.

I’ve been on Sertraline which helped me to no end, wiping out most of my feelings and symptoms of anxiety.

I’ve been able to live a semi-normal life since then, however my feelings on unreality and unfamiliarity have remained, pushed firmly under the rug.
However, over the last few months my DP/DR has gotten so much worse to the point I feel like I’m doing worse than I was originally. My memories before all of this seem fake and like they didn’t happen. My surroundings all seem unfamiliar. Those around me seem like strangers. I can’t shake the fact that nothing is real and I’m stuck in a dream. I don’t even feel like me. It’s been 3+ years and, with each day, I feel less and less like myself.

I’m getting to the point where I feel as though I physically can’t deal with this anymore. I’d rather die than have to live with this anymore and I’m scared that my fear of living with this will overpower my fear of death and I’ll take my life.
I’ve seen doctors however they don’t tend to understand any of this, they try to help me tackle the anxiety and use calming grounding techniques despite the fact that I’ve heard and learnt it all before.

For those of you who have beaten this or learnt to live a normal happy life with it - please can you help me? Any tips or your own experiences? I don’t know what to do anymore, I’m scared and exhausted.

Thank you

#2 spectator162


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Posted 08 July 2018 - 12:43 PM

Hey feel exatly the same my life ended when I got dpdr. I just watch my life pass by. No feelings, no soul, connection, memory, only depression. Im also on sertraline and it helps me little. Im in mental hospital for second time now and will try other meds. Im in the observation period, I explaind like 20 times my dpdr symptons and I think they dont know what todo with it. They are looking for the cause of my dpdr. I allready said its because of my depression, anxiety, pressure of the society, extreme stress, ocd, overthinking. I dont know what they can do about it. Maybe they are looking if I dont have shizo, autisme, borderline or other stuff I dont know. Tips I can give you: avoid stressfull situations, good sleep, no drugs, no alcohol, no caiffeine, talk about how you think with somebody, extreme sport to change youre ideas, hike in nature, look and caress animals ( for me it helps) when you go to places with lots of people wear sunglasses ( helps for me). Maybe other meds I will try some and let you know. Stay strong you can always pm me

#3 Johqnnq


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Posted 08 July 2018 - 12:59 PM

I have started to feel like very very very bad about this. Like im everyday just mofe and more stuck with this inside confusion. Mind thing which never ends. And i know this is because of society and my own changed mind.. And i just less and less can cope with my own feelings and get sense of this existence. Feel like im losing my sanity. And now im liie crazy human being with no soul anymore or own mind. It feels terrible.. I feel helpless and hopeless. I just wanna press a button that all of this ends. I dont wanna be this anymore. Im scared. I dont know. I feel my mind is messed up. Like i just dont know which direction i should go. All i do is get this more and more overwhelming. Because i never solve the actual reason. And just building tthis downward spiral very subconscious... I can only feel this pain it does to me. I feel like i have putting me very deeply in this place of misery. Getting no chance for better. My mind is stuck but i feel i can still be. Even when heres confusion i can be. I can live with this misery and just be and ignore it. But it still is there and becomes louder and louder every time i ignore it. I just simply dont know what to do about it. I get pissed of so easily. I feel the whole world is there to get me. Omg i dont know is this depression and will i ever know something better... Or do i have to kill myself.. Before i start to be totally crazy and just kill someone

#4 Amethysteyes


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Posted 09 July 2018 - 04:01 PM

I have all the same symptoms daily and my dr/dp was trigger by marijuana and antidepressant use. Ive had it for 3 years, off and on but recently i have had it very bad for the last 4 months. Ive have all these symptoms too, daily but i bouts of clarity that give me hope, espessially after i wake up in the morning. Yes, good sleep is very important. When it gets really bad, i do stuff like reminding myself this is all just mental processes that are completely reversable. You just have to convince yourself it is which is the hard part but once u successfully feel normal, even for a couple minutes, it gives u alot of hope. Say things to yourself like "this is just dp/dr right now, and i know its there, right now. I know this feeling now." It tricks u into thinking its not really there but it is. Do breathing exersizes while naming objects around the room or setting that your at. Name things your feeling around you like if ur sitting on a chair, feel the chair with ur fingers and say to urself, ok, thats a chair. It helps u feel more grounded. I also write down all my thoughts and feelings in a journal. It helps so much more than i thought it would cause it feels like i get all those feelings out of my mind and onto paper instead. It makes me feel less confused and more in control. Hope this helps!

#5 The Realist

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Posted 10 July 2018 - 10:47 AM

OP are you still with us?

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