Probably ego-death after DP recovery?
Posted 26 December 2017 - 05:17 AM
so basically what I was going through this year was just insane. First half Derealization/Depersonalization, second half Depression/OCD but feels like psychotic, because everything seems so surreal.
So basically I recovered from Depersonalization this year...but as the symptoms slowly vanished, I still battled irrational thoughts from day to day when suddenly my mind switched to: ur life is over. I was overwhelmed, suddenly paranoid of time/the date, feeling like I shouldnt be here anymore as the time went on and feeling like trapped in this concept of time.
This feeling...it feels like I shouldnt be alive anymore since August, like I shouldnt have lived past August and should be dead until August. It just feels like it is wrong to be alive, when I go to the hairdresser for example, my mind goes like this: You are dead inside, you died, you dont need to do this, you are trapped in hell, you shouldve killed yourself as I told you! When I look in the mirror: "Why are u still alive?" It just cant make sense why I am still alive, and I am super overwhelmed, feeling insane, because I know something IS TERRIBLY WRONG IN MY ORGANISM. I feel like I FORCE MYSELF TO BE ALIVE.
You may ask yourself why "August"? I dont know, I somehow wanted to be recovered and fine from mental health issues until August, I didnt know what would happen if I didnt recover until then, but my mind has adapted to my expectations and as the time went on without me recovering, my mind realized that and switched to this surreal psychotic limbo mode, so basically I guess false expectations triggered this mess in my mind.
But I have no clue how to get out of that hole at all.
Posted 30 December 2017 - 06:22 AM
Posted 30 December 2017 - 04:27 PM
I had all the worst symptoms for like 2 months, though i never smoked weed or anything, it was either stress/trauma/depression/anxiety or rat poison caused. With vitamin&mineral supplements and hard workout (every day) i got 80% better in just days. But my depression and aggresive behavior returned and im way worse person . No empathy for anything, cant get along anyone.. no positive emotions
Posted 31 December 2017 - 02:10 PM
if you had true ego death you wouldn't even be aware that you're having ego death dude and that's coming from someone who got and recovered from DP because of LSD, being obsessive is entirely relatable and to block out these demons there can be many hopeful steps to get out of this just trust me demons have been after me before too.
Posted 24 May 2018 - 10:18 PM
“Ego Death” typically means the temporary “loss of ego” that one may experience when using psychedelic drugs. What really is happening though is depersonalization/derealization/psychosis. There’s never been any evidence to suggest otherwise. Nothing mystical, spiritual, or any other bullshit.
Actually, it can be permanent. I had an ego death last year.
It's really not as big a deal as it sounds.
You lose your "center point" so you can no longer perpetuate a personal narrative (i.e. pump yourself up, tear yourself down.)
(The way it works is, anytime you think about your "self", reinforcing your personal narrative, you focus on this center point. I think it was behind the eyes, center of head.)
Instead there's a hole (in my case it felt like a marble-sized hole) where the center-point used to be.
Depersonalization is different from enlightenment because the center point doesn't really go away with DP. You may have all the typical symptoms but the focal point is still there.
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