6 replies to this topic

[Nadosa]

For me, these thoughts, painful suicidal/existential ones occured automatically after a week of overthinking life. Just the idea of "me" being alive freaks me out somehow and for 4 months I've felt like I should've died after the week of overthinking. But I feel like in my case, I didnt really consciously think of suicide, but rather the thoughts came unconsciously, I dont know, it feels strange.

"There's what's called a lower death drive and an upper death drive.

The lower death drive is when the ego hates itself so much it wants to put itself out of its suffering through suicide. (Not so good)

The upper death drive is when the ego is wise enough to realize that it's an illusion, and wants to end it's suffering through surrender to truth."

[cartierx]

omg. I can relate to this. how did you deal with this?

[forestx5]

Reading the book "Genome" and it is full of the hard facts of life as a human.  Genes represent our history from the original organism from which we descended.

Some of what we learn is archived as instinct.  We also have a brain and consciousness for the day to day stuff..

It is unlikely, according to the book, that any human alive today will project genetic code into the distant future..  The human species is half way through

its expected life span.  The "doomsday clock" is set at 2 minutes before midnight.  That's the gloomy outlook for the species.

For the individual, the forecast is for less than 100 years.  Not really enough time to be concerned about.

No wonder that sex isn't painful.

[Chip1021]

Most of my life I've been what I call "passively suicidal".  Mostly just fantasizing about my own death, sometimes a very violent one, and it was actually very calming to me.  I think Nietzsche had a similar experience with suicidal thinking.  It has always been difficult for me to tell with my thinking how much of it is something I'm doing and how much of it is something that happens to me.  But suicide is like any other type of thought we can have.  Sometimes we think about it intentionally, sometimes it's just what our minds seem to conjure up.  Just like thoughts of sex or food or movies or what-have-you.

 

I don't know if this is relevant to your experience or helpful at all.  Just throwing in my two cents on the subject. 

[Grindelwald]

Have suicidal fantasies is normal, but seriously considering acting on them is not. If you really are feeling like you want to commit suicide, you should see a doctor right away.

[JoshS.]

Suicidal thoughts are subconscious because you wouldn't have it if you didn't have dp/anxiety there's something known as intuitive thinking that's what our conscious minds are the masters of when we feel bad or frustrated we rationalize our thought processes so it's not forboding for us that's my experience so far with Dpdr.

[Where]

No thoughts arise intentionally. It's not like we're browsing libraries of potential thoughts in our heads, finding thoughts labeled "suicide" and then choosing to open them. Sometimes entertaining a thought or continuing down a train of thought is a matter of engaging with it or not, which might contribute to a feeling that we are choosing our thoughts. We personalize many of our thoughts like, "I thought this." If something like DP or ego death gets powerful enough, we can temporarily lose the sense that any of our thoughts belong to or were chosen by us.