I still wish for a blue pill. Let me forget this experience, let me go back to being naive. Let me go back at being me. The guy who just lived just to live. The guy with a crazy imagination but that didnt get frightne by them...
No way. I'd never go back.
Sure, it's a trade-off, but I see it as a good one. It's taken my mind to places I likely otherwise wouldn't have gone and shaped me into what I am today. Yes, the confusion and suffering has been arduous throughout the years, and still is, but it was/is a necessary process. I like this new, post-DR, version of myself much better than the old one. I'd rather be immensely aware and thoughtful yet suffering from DP/DR than healthy but more shallow and less aware.
Though, it's impossible to say how I would've developed if DP/DR hadn't been a factor; it's impossible to say just how big of an impact it has had on me. It's a relevant question because there's no guarantee that I wouldn't be virtually the same person even without ever having had DP/DR. Hence, it's possible, though unlikely, that I've suffered for nothing and that the developments I see as positive can't be attributed to DP/DR. I'm inclined to think of it all positively, but it's possible that my perspective is distorted by bias that stems from: https://en.wikipedia...t_justification.
Anyway, I'm in harmony with my thoughts and this existence. Why be afraid? Becoming more contemplative and inquisitive hasn't led to any kind of fear for me. I don't see any reason to be afraid. Things are what they are regardless of what I think about them.
Bottom line: give me more red pills.
