Nothing is how it used to be. This DP has forever change who I am, for better or worse.
I have gotten better, that I must admit. Whether I'm better at ignoring this condition and living in the now or if there are actual changes going on, whatever the case may be, I seem to 'manage'.
DP is the two sides of the coin. It is both master and slave. It has changed many negative things in me but it has also robbed me of my vivid senses and self. It has shown me another perspective of reality but has also dampened it.
It has motivated me to lead a better life and take better care of my body and mind but it has also given me depression, sadness and a paper-thin perception of both people and objects.
It's as if in my previous life I met with God or my higher self and gave me two options:
1. I will one day become enlighten but I will face many tribulations, one of them will be the dissolution of what I consider pleasures of life and being me. My mind will advance to a stage where it will question everything (have, since i was like 8 )
I (soul) must have liked the idea of enlightenment and chose this scenario to play out because of the reward in the end.
2. This is it. This is my last re-incarnation. I'm realizing the world, reality, the self, consciousness, existence and time and going through some serious maturation but one that comes with many hurdles and pain. I am an old soul and so my mind has a hard time containing my higher self and thus the 'ego' is fighting hard to stay alive, which is why I feel all of this.
Or I have epilepsy...
Whatever the case, I've gotten better but I still wonder. I still wish for a blue pill. Let me forget this experience, let me go back to being naive. Let me go back at being me. The guy who just lived just to live. The guy with a crazy imagination but that didnt get frightne by them...