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Wish I had taken the blue pill.


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#1 willbarwa

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Posted 23 December 2017 - 09:39 PM

Nothing is how it used to be. This DP has forever change who I am, for better or worse.

I have gotten better, that I must admit. Whether I'm better at ignoring this condition and living in the now or if there are actual changes going on, whatever the case may be, I seem to 'manage'.

 

DP is the two sides of the coin. It is both master and slave. It has changed many negative things in me but it has also robbed me of my vivid senses and self. It has shown me another perspective of reality but has also dampened it.

 

It has motivated me to lead a better life and take better care of my body and mind but it has also given me depression, sadness and a paper-thin perception of both people and objects.

 

It's as if in my previous life I met with God or my higher self and gave me two options:

 

1. I will one day become enlighten but I will face many tribulations, one of them will be the dissolution of what I consider pleasures of life and being me. My mind will advance to a stage where it will question everything (have, since i was like 8 )

 

I (soul) must have liked the idea of enlightenment and chose this scenario to play out because of the reward in the end.

 

OR

 

2. This is it. This is my last re-incarnation. I'm realizing the world, reality, the self, consciousness, existence and time and going through some serious maturation but one that comes with many hurdles and pain. I am an old soul and so my mind has a hard time containing my higher self and thus the 'ego' is fighting hard to stay alive, which is why I feel all of this.

 

 

Or I have epilepsy... -_-

 

Whatever the case, I've gotten better but I still wonder. I still wish for a blue pill. Let me forget this experience, let me go back to being naive. Let me go back at being me. The guy who just lived just to live. The guy with a crazy imagination but that didnt get frightne by them...



#2 Anonymous777

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Posted 31 March 2018 - 12:52 AM

So much this.

#3 Pondererer

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Posted 31 March 2018 - 01:50 PM

yes!



#4 Haumea

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Posted 24 May 2018 - 10:33 PM

It's as if in my previous life I met with God or my higher self and gave me two options:

 

1. I will one day become enlighten but I will face many tribulations, one of them will be the dissolution of what I consider pleasures of life and being me. My mind will advance to a stage where it will question everything (have, since i was like 8 )

 

I (soul) must have liked the idea of enlightenment and chose this scenario to play out because of the reward in the end.

 

OR

 

2. This is it. This is my last re-incarnation. I'm realizing the world, reality, the self, consciousness, existence and time and going through some serious maturation but one that comes with many hurdles and pain. I am an old soul and so my mind has a hard time containing my higher self and thus the 'ego' is fighting hard to stay alive, which is why I feel all of this.

 

 

 
There is no difference between 1) and 2).
 
If you get enlightened (fully, i.e. reach Unity Consciousness), this means it's your last re-incarnation.
 
This is what has happened to me.
 
After reading your post, I think this may be what happened between my last two lifetimes as well.
 
I was probably given this option as well.
 
So I just wanted to say that your sense is likely right on the money.  It sounds right.
 
You will probably get enlightened in the next 5 years or so.
 
You don't want a blue pill.  You gotta go through hell before you're capable of dropping your ego, but it's final liberation.
 
I think it's fairly easy to get enlightened if you have DP, since it's a special kind of suffering.  There's not much left to lose.


#5 Jpablo11

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Posted 14 June 2018 - 12:37 AM

Omg yes dude, I feel exactly the same, it's like I just fucking wish I can go back to being the same , I miss my old life sooooo much !!

#6 Jpablo11

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Posted 14 June 2018 - 12:39 AM

Dude this makes me more depersonalized , ain't nobody wanna be enlightened

#7 willbarwa

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Posted 20 June 2018 - 11:12 AM

Dude this makes me more depersonalized , ain't nobody wanna be enlightened

 

Im quite sure most ppl would want to be enlightened considering it liberates you from all suffering. Who doesn't want a pain-free existence?



#8 mind.divided

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Posted 20 June 2018 - 06:36 PM

There is nothing spiritual about this disorder. You might get into it because you feel so weird and try to find answers but please don't compare enlightenmet and dpdr. Enlightenmet is the feeling of oneness with life while dpdr is the complete opposite.



#9 songflower

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Posted 03 August 2018 - 03:40 AM

Such a precise description. I thought I am the only one feeling this way. Thank you.
I strongly hope this is only a temporarily suffering and we all will go out of it even stronger, happier and much wiser than we were before. Its like Shaun O'Connor wrote in his book, after recovery nothing bothers you as before: money, college, other problems seem an inevitable part of life's puzzle.

#10 Flavius

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Posted 14 September 2018 - 08:20 PM

I also having theories and philosophical answers to this condition, even they aren't scientific.

 

Maybe this is spiritual path, a path to truly discover your inner self. As I studied a buddhist philosophy a little it even get a serious theory.

 

But, DP is a suffering cause by truama, for others caused by weed or other drugs. It can't be enlightment. I wish it is, but probably isn't. We just flattering ourselves to make sense out of this terrible torment.



#11 star_cheese

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Posted 15 September 2018 - 10:59 PM

Yes, from disruptive trauma, and ironically to the minds



#12 Berangaria Martineau

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Posted 17 December 2018 - 12:20 AM

I feel exactly the same.






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