Suicide is obviously a very common topic on this board and though everyone should respect each other's battle with DP and ultimate decision about what each of us does with our own lives I also think it's important to point out how many people who contemplate suicide happen to do so because of a particular series of unfortunate events that coincide together. For example, there are literally millions of people living with DP as we speak. Some of them are living with a level of DP most can't even begin to understand, and yet many of those people aren't suicidal. They struggle, yes, but they're able to navigate day to day life without the desire to end their existence. Conversely, there is also a large faction of DP sufferers who have varying degrees of DP but due to other external circumstances decide life is too overwhelming and cannot go on any longer. Where you are on this spectrum only you know. But please ask yourself: Are you contemplating suicide because you cannot handle DP any longer, or are you capable of handling DP but have a variety of additional life obstacles that is making DP and your ability to handle it unbearable?
To give you an example of what I'm talking about in my own life, about a year and a half ago I decided I was going to kill myself. At the time I thought there was no way out. I was a year into my second bout of severe DP and simply couldn't take it any longer. But that's the simplified version of the story. When examined under the microscope the truth is I had not slept for essentially three months (about four hours total each night), I had just broken up with someone I felt very strongly for, I was going through benzo withdrawals, I had the worst anxiety of my life, the worst depression of my life and I literally didn't know anything about my condition or how to improve my health. In short, though I blamed my suicidal ideation on DP the truth is it wasn't just DP. I had been living with DP for many years prior and never even came close to suicide. What caused me to want to kill myself was actually a culmination of various health concerns all at the same time. This seems to be the case for many people who post about wanting to commit suicide as well.
You mention you're pregnant, could hormones be playing a role? I imagine so. And you mention your diet -- have you kept track of what you've been eating lately or have you changed what you've been eating lately? I know you have to be very careful of what you eat while pregnant, so perhaps that's playing some role as well. You're at a very chaotic crossroads in your life. Anybody in your position would likely have lots of crazy thoughts wandering through their head. Just remember, however, that suicide is permanent. You don't get a second chance at life. Additionally, pain is temporary. What you're going through will pass. This is a fact. So again, ask yourself whether you're willing to apply a permanent solution to a temporary pain. Lastly, think about your child. Whatever pain you're going through now will be passed on to them as well as your husband and family members. Pain is inevitable, and you have been given a lot, no doubt, but do you really want your burden passed on to your dearest loved ones?
I can't imagine what you're going through but one thing I do know is I've been through hell and I've come out the other side alive. I know what it's like to be in a similar position as you and I know what it's like to feel like all hope is lost. But the best decision I've ever made was the decision not to kill myself. Live gets better. This is a fact. You have to remember that what you're going through will not last, and though you may have to experience more pain later on, keep in mind that eventually if you stay with it long enough you will find some level of happiness again.
Please think things through. Please do no make a rash, emotional decision based on how you feel now, and not how you might feel tomorrow or a week from now or next year. Please think of your daughter and her life. If you do I imagine you'll feel differently about all this later on down the road.