I'm 21. For two weeks, I was in the hospital because of bacteremia/sepsis. I had never been so seriously sick before and you know people die from this, often. Doctors and nurses were looking over me constantly and gave me lexapro and ativan for anxiety, but that didn't really help the fact that I was also in a major existential crisis. It's not like I thought I was immortal, but I just always avoided the thoughts of death and what might happen after. But having sepsis and being in the hospital, I couldn't think of anything else and had to face that reality.
So during the stay and recovery at home, I read a lot about spirituality and the human brain. In a month I read books such as Biocentrism, Beyond Biocentrism, Many Lives Many Masters, The Quantum Lotus, and read a ton of Near Death Experience accounts. I studied all of this for my own self comfort, but I was still stressing myself and just frying my brain.
Everything scared me. I was constantly getting chest pains and shortness of breath, which apparently is common with anxiety. I told my friend that I was feeling extreme anxiety, and he said I should smoke weed with him and that it would calm me down. Last time I smoked was probably two months prior.
So, we're sitting there taking bong hits. By the third hit, I feel myself waving in and out of my body. I asked him "what did you do to the weed?" because I was convinced he gave me fake or laced weed and that I was dying as a result. That might sound over dramatic but I was freaking out. I looked at my hands and it's like my body didn't really belong to me. And my eyes were looking in every direction by themselves. I laid on the floor and said "oh my god" over and over again. I was 100% convinced I was dying. My words started to slur and I felt like I was stuck in someone else's body and I couldn't access their mind.
It lasted two days. Everything was foggy and it felt like I was in a dream.
The entire episode was so scary, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I haven't talked to anyone about this except my doctor, and until recently I didn't know the name or how to explain to him what happened. He said the weed just made me nervous and prescribed valium. This was way beyond nervous.
If there is any good that came out of this, it makes me connect this to the Buddhist ego death. What if we are just our consciousness' in different forms, and for a few days I just unsuccessfully tried to escape this form? Like when people go through traumatic events, they have out of body experiences. It makes me think there is more connected to this. In a way I'm grateful this happened, but I hope it never happens again.
Thank you for reading.