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Tell us about your dp experience


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#37

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Posted 29 April 2008 - 09:16 AM

hello, I'm soooo glad I found this site! I only found out about DP last night! I had enough of this strange feeling I was having, like living in a movie/dream, does that sound like DP to you guys?. I mainly get feelings that nothing is real, that I dont really love my boyfriend and I say I love you just because I think thats what I should be saying, I smile because I think im expected to smile, go to work because i'm expected to etc etc. But half the time I'm in such a daze, and it seems to be getting worse, esp when i'm stressed. I've been having these feelings for about two years now, after a particually stressfull time in my life. I tried explaining it to my partner, but its the most difficult thing to explain to someone who can't grasp the same feelings.
Does anyone have any tips on how to ease it? Sometimes I feel like im losing my mind and wasting my life in the process!

thanks
Catherine
x

#38

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Posted 19 September 2008 - 04:37 PM

i used to smoke weed but then i stopped, and a few weeks later i went to a concert and the night before i didnt get alot of sleep, i hadnt eaten for 10 hours when i went to the concert, and i was kind of anxious. at the concert i had my first panic attack and it was terrible i thought i was having a heart attack. And for a bit more than 3 months ive had constant depersonalization, but when i am watchin tv,playing xbox,or on the computer i feel completely fine but the second i look away from one of them the DP kicks in again.Any suggestions??????

#39

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Posted 04 October 2008 - 01:45 PM

Hello Depersonalized World,
I am new to this forum, and would like to say that I am very glad to have found this place.
My depersonalization began as early as when I was 13-14 years old; I can remember during basketball games I would sometimes get into the depersonalized state, however at most it would last until the end of the game. Fast-forward--I'm 19 now, soon to be twenty, and have been dealing with near-constant depersonalization for about a year, only having recently discovered what exactly it is that I've been dealing with. I had searched on the internets for a very long time, trying to figure out what exactly I was dealing with, because I felt like I was going crazy.
Like many others' stories that I've read, my depersonalized onset was catalyzed by an incident with marijuana that was extremely psychologically terrifying. I had been smoking somewhat regularly prior to the incident, however what I had been smoking had not been nearly as potent as the marijuana that induced my depersonalization. I took one hit, and the rest of the night consisted of my friends telling me I'm nuts while I watched everything from third-person.
Anyhoo, I'm really glad to have found out what my disorder is--even just finding out what it is, and finding resources has made me feel significantly better about things.
For any advice I can offer, I guess I can say a few things having dealt with this disorder entirely on my own for the last year;
use of ADD-medicine (Methylphenidate, Amphetamine, Adderall, Etc.) will definitely make you feel more crazy--I base this on a lot of internet research that I've done, finding that a significant amount of persons participating in the double-blind surveys reported a significant onset of feelings of mental instability when dosed with Amphetamines and other isomeric relatives of it. I'd also say that the best medicine is the formation of a strong mind--over time, you will get used to this disorder, and you'll become stronger because of it. I've found that I can study longer, work out harder, and be a better friend because I feel detached from myself and am better able to cope with physical problems. Make this disorder your strength, use it for your advantage, instead of allowing it to take over your life and all of your thought processes. You'll still get the moments of "Oh my god why does everything seem like it's so weird" and "Oh man this feels so unreal it's really scary", but push on! You will get through it, and you will see better times.
I've also found that using small amounts or weak marijuana will relieve symptoms temporarily, however they will onset all the harder when you come down. So my message is simple---Don't smoke weed. I wish it wasn't this way, for all the other effects of marijuana are great, however it's really important that anyone who suffers from this disorder quits smoking weed. This, I believe, will speed up the process of becoming more mentally-stable.
Anyhow, it's great to have found a place to read more on this disorder, and I thank you all for providing and contributing to this haven.
-Mini

#40 peachy

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Posted 05 October 2008 - 12:33 AM

you sound really cool miniskinny :)
welcome

#41

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Posted 23 December 2008 - 06:47 PM

Hello,

My name is Zoey. I'll tell you a bit about my dx history. I was a shy kid, come from a shy family. My father and mother both seem to have social anxiety disorder. Around age 17 I had my first full blown depersonalization experience (I always felt a bit detached emotionally at the same time prone to being overly sensitive and empathizing with others a bit much) that was pretty scary to me at the time.

I was working as a cashier at Longs Drug store. There were bright flourescent lights above the registers. Whenever I looked at them brightly colored bubbles floated around them in my eyes. It was my 2nd week or so on the job. A line started to form at my register. I felt panicked and couldn't remember how to page more cashiers to the registers. I couldn't remember how to do a price check. I couldn't remember where the list of sale items was or how to look them up. Bagging the items seemed beyond my capabilities. An attractive male customer in his late 20's or early 30's said hello to me and I blushed so intensely I knew that he could see it. Suddenly I felt light headed and as though I were outside of my body. I couldn't breath and I had an urge to lay down on the ground, curl up in a ball, and never get up. I feared that I might do just that. I thought, "I'm going insane. This is what it feels like to be insane." I was almost excited about it, like sort of experiencing that feeling outside of myself too.

I had a few more incidences, not as scary as the first one, but still enough to make me quit that job. These feelings returned when I got a job at a department store and at the time I though the thing those two jobs had in common was that they were dealing with the public and I was trapped behind a counter and felt like I couldn't get away. I realized a few years later that the flourescent lighting had a big part in triggering the depersonalization after I went into a conference room by myself to wait for a friend at his job and I was alone and there was a huge flouresent light above my chair and I instantly started to feel like I was floating outside of myself.

Anyone else have flourescent lighting trigger depersonalization?

#42

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Posted 04 March 2009 - 08:31 PM

I have had anxiety I guess all my life. I smoked some pot about three years ago and it caused me to have the worst panic attack ever.. I didn't know what it was I thought I was dying...so three years later I am finally okay thinking I can beat this. I have always obsessed that I am gonna be schizophrenic oneday. My grandmother on my moms side supposedly was so I was scared to death. Here lately I have been feeling like I am not me.. I'm not myself. That i'm lost... is this depersonalzation or am I crazy...

#43

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Posted 14 April 2009 - 03:09 PM

Hello everyone
Basically I Have believed for about 12 years that everything I see is unreal, or imagined. It's very hard on me because I love my family and boyfriend but I cant seem to get myself to believe they are really there and that makes me feel very alone. The thought that everything I see is unreal is with me 24 7. When I want to do something or have to go to work I think, whats the point if nothings really there. I cant decide if everything is unreal, if Im stuck in a dream or if I'm just crazy. I can totally relate to the other posts on here and I am so glad that other people can share there stories. Oh yeh and when I was about 19 I fell into a terrible Heroin addiction. I felt it was better than killing myself. Im at the point now where I cant take it anymore and if nothing has changed over the past 12 years what can I expect to change now?

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Posted 15 April 2009 - 11:46 AM

Hi everyone, I'm 33, I found out last year, after 20 years of hell, that I had DP/DR. It was such a shock and huge relief to finally have a diagnosis that fitted with all that I had been experiencing over the years. After many misdiagnoses, dozens of medications, suicide attempts, in-patient stays and lots of therapy, I finally feel at peace with myself.

Over the years things have slowly improved but the last year, since finding out I wasn't actually schizophrenic after all, my symptoms have really improved no end. After years of constant DP, I now can go days without experiencing anything weird at all. Experiencing strong emotions has been difficult to handle but I know it is part of the healing process so I just go with the flow. I no longer see professionals for my DP and take no medication at all. When I start feeling anxious, I meditate, exercise and this may sound strange, but I go hug a tree!

#45 Gundly

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Posted 08 September 2009 - 05:03 PM

Smoked marijuana, never been here since.

#46 Kitr

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Posted 28 September 2009 - 05:31 PM

It happened after i smoked a marihuana

#47 Carlyisdreaming

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Posted 01 October 2009 - 12:24 AM

Hi, I'm Carly. Up until about a month ao I lived a generally happy and normal life until I smoked weed and drank one night. The next morning when I woke up I felt like I was incredibly stoned, maybe even more so than the night before, but I didn't think mch of it and went to work a few hours later. Everything was going alright at work for the first couple hours until I started to literally lose control of myself, I felt like I was going to pass out. It was so scary. Ever since then I've had depersonilization. I can't concentrate on anything, I"m losing all my friends, and I feel like I"m slowly falling off a neverending cliff. Every day has become a massive struggle. I want this all to end, I want to go back to being the person I was before. I question ever second of the day if things are real. I find conversations with people to be immensely diffecult. Would you guys reccomend medication or do you think it would just make it worse?

#48

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Posted 21 November 2009 - 07:54 PM

well, when i was about 17, i smoked some marijuana with friends. i got in my car and driving home, i suffered a major panic attack. i clearly remember to this day. i stopped in the middle of the road, got out of my car and ran circles around it till i felt like i could drive home. that night i told my brother and my cousin about it. i can remember laying in bed literally thinking the ceiling was coming down on me. for a few days after that, i felt really weird. weeks later, i had crying spells and just felt bad. i can only assume i was depressed. my dad was at work and Bush 42 was visiting my home town and wanted me to come see him. i did. a few weeks later, i felt better. i was working in the landscape maintenance industry and remember riding on a mower and literally crying my eyes out. i felt like crap. i had these feelings of not being connected to my surroundings. anyway, this went on for about three years. i managed to continue living with this some how. i got married and all the good stuff. in 1995, i was hospitalized and was diagnosised with bipolar disorder. i was in the hospital for 28 days and as an outpatient for another 28 days. was prescribed alot of meds but, none of them ever took that disconnected feeling away. i was treated for two years for this and thought i was doing ok. in jan 1998 was hospitalized again and diagnosised with ocd with panic disorder. was prescribed different meds, i was treated with these till i quit taking them in 2000. i went through a divorce in 2000, lost everything including my job. during this time i still dealt with derealization although not really fullblown like the previous times i had been hospitalized. i somehow managed to function, i guess it was there in the background somewhere i just didnt notice it as much. as of today, i am currently going through a full blown ocd bout with the deralization and panic disorder. this has been going on now for about month and half or longer. i have also been in that derealized state as i was before. i am depressed over having these constant feelings and dealing with the ocd.(i am a pure o form of ocd). i honestly believe that my anxiety condition and deralization depersonalization what ever the hell you want to call was caused by that one lil joint that night. im not saying my whole life since then has been bad cause i have had some good times and stuff but, it could have been better. i am going to my doctor on monday and i am going to suggest we try klonopin, zoloft, and lamiictal. it seems like this combo has worked for a bunch of people and i feel if nothing else, maybe get my ocd and anxiety under control where i can at least live somewhat of a normal life. sorry to be so long winded here, this is really the first time i have ever vented this to anyone. if i could somehow relieve the dp/dr i can keep everything else in check. i want it to be 20,30,40,hell even 10 percent better would be dramatic for me.



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