Seems today finally got to be the day I pulled my depersonalized arse off the couch and got myself to write a costumary introduction of your latest member here. Rather have a name atleast to shout at when I'm going to burden you with all sorts of topics based off on excessive worry, stress, and obsessive tendencies, right? <3
I hear by the way the community here will, however, be moved to an upcoming and different forum/website due to VerticalScope flipping the finger at us inferior, ailing human beings and left us to rot without much of management -- or anything for that matter.
So then, I'm not even sure my post tonight will get seen by anyone because of no-one approving new messages, but I'll dare my chances and give it a shot anyway, albeit a short one... hopefully :S
Hello ... Hi. My name is Shayan Qureshi. I hail from Denmark and I-- uhm... Yeah. See-you know what? I'm just gonna release the valves here and introduce you to the nutter living inside my head. He's awfully perfectionistic and woefully insecure, but don't judge him too hard. Years of generalized anxiety and social anxiety has made him into the way he is: " No-no-NO! STOP! What're you doing?? Don't write that. That's way too casual, laid-back, not you -- WRONG! People might misjudge you for who you really are. Delete that crap and redo it! Yes, also that bunch of fake confident writing you just wrote way back at the beginning! Everyone who reads this (first ever) post must see the best possible version of yourself. EVERYONE! NO questions asked... Now go out, chug down a glass of water and try again, chup-chup! "
Phew... that felt better
Well now that we've got that disastrous intro out of the way, let's move on shall we?
I am a sufferer of depersonalization, which I believe has come from a 6 year long anxiety period. I've had this condition for only about 3-4 months now -- a duration that pales in comparison to a lot of the heavy-lifters here -- man... If anything, my utmost respect goes out to you guys having battled this fiendish demon for years 'n years.
About the beginning of this year however is where my anxiety/stress levels climbed atop another summit of the mountain of human suffering I otherwise thought unimaginable. My anxiety attacks had never, EVER been greater, lengthy, and intense than they were during two particular days during the start of said year. At one point a cascade of panic attacks rendered my entire body almost 100% fatigued and numb, as if I had just been injected by anesthesia. Not to mention my heartbeat reaching what I felt was dangerous levels of pace --.
Shortly after that experience is where I believe my DP really emerged and showed its ugly face. Which would make sense, thinking back on just the shear amount of stress my body was put under, dissociating seemed like the only thing left to do.
The main troubles I have, however, is the fact that the effects of my DP all dwells and rages inside my head. The biggest issue of all being what some people here have appropriately called "Thought dissociation" where I feel (only sometimes now at the present moment thankfully) that my inner monologue, thoughts and images aren't mine -- my own, because they seem to happen so automatically and beyond my control -- yet amazingly relevant in correspondence to what I'm experiencing out in the world -- I just can't wrap my head around that.
So I hope to see some people being able to relate to this symptom (for all the wrong reasons) and be open for some discussion/talk about it to help peel off the layers of mystery and uncertainty that shrouds this particular symptom; I at least don't find it a part of the main list of symptoms birthed from DP... So yeah! I won't go into much details about that particular problem anyway, but will post it as another topic.
I guess there's nothing left to say than I am genuinely glad to have stumbled across this website. I know I probably WILL over-use it against my better judgement, but... right now anyway I feel having read posts on here for a couple of months by now, has helped me more than plunging me further down the spiral of negativity, as has been some people's experience here -- anyway, I'm rambling again.
Glad to be part of the community, and hope to share some good, constructive and hopefully sensible chats with you all, and balm open wounds in the process