Hello everyone :) (New DR person??)
Posted 25 March 2017 - 06:06 PM
To start off, I am a 22 year old female who has been diagnosed with purely obsessional OCD and generalized anxiety disorder. My OCD is mainly in my mind, so I latch onto ideas and fears that mainly other people can easily write off and not worry about- sadly, I worry about each and every little feeling and fear I have and OCD feeds off of that. Luckily, with my latest obsessions, I have been able to overcome each of them without the help of medicine and just talk therapy with a counselor and my best friends.
Since I have overcome each obsession, I have lost my anxiety. For some reason, I find comfort in my anxious state. Without the anxiety, I started to feel weird; almost like being normal and calm meant something was wrong and I didn't feel so good about that sadly. Then, one night I was in my room and started to feel unreal and in a dream like state. I have felt this feeling before during my anxiety attacks and after the last time I smoked weed a few years ago (the entire time of that I felt unreal, floating and completely detached from reality). That's when all my anxiety really began and heightened. But in my room, I got so afraid and it's like my mind couldn't feel okay that it had to latch onto this new fear and feeling.
I'm not 100% sure if I'm suffering from DP/DR, which is I guess why I am here to hear out people who know more about it. I have been losing my mind these last few days with research to relieve my fears for the moment and it comes back harder. I basically feel like I'm about to wake up. I'm not sure if I'm pushing these feelings on myself after all of my research, or if I genuinely feel this way. While I've had this feeling before, it was never so intense or scary for me so I'm not sure if my OCD is feeding off the chances of this disorder getting worse, and I have a fear that I'll be like this forever. I feel very bleh, like what I'm doing yesterday and today have no purpose and I'm on the edge of breaking down crying every 30 minutes because of how afraid I am of this sticking around or even being real. I am afraid nothing is real, and that I'll wake up and lose all of this. I'm afraid that this will worsen, and I'll be disabled from life. I wake up and keep moving, though. My anxiety is at an all time high and I'm very fidgety and irritable. I'm just over afraid.
I plan on bringing this up to my therapist this week. I have also read that this state comes after an intense, prolonged period of stress almost as a coping factor. For the last 2 months, up until last week, I was obsessing very hard over a fear of mine and became very sick. Since that fear has gone away, this feeling/fear has replaced it I assume.
I hope that someone is able to get through this long rant, and possibly even help with any type of advice or ideas. I just feel very odd right now and I want to snap back to who I was just 3 days ago; happy, chill and not questioning my every move with life or anticipating waking up or feeling like a dream, even if I'm the one causing these feelings because I fear it all.
Thank you again and have a wonderful day!
Posted 26 March 2017 - 01:38 PM
Hey, welcome to the site.
I've suffered from obsessive thoughts and generalized anxiety disorder too. One thing that I've noticed, at least with myself, is that I tend to get attached to a symptom. In my case, it was the feeling of being unreal. I obsessed over the feeling so much that I carried anxiety every single day for almost nine months. At some point, I realized that my anxiety was keeping me in a hyper-aroused state. The amount of chemicals that were being pumped into my body were doing a number on my emotional and physical behaviors. New symptoms cropped up and I went to analyze those as well, which only made it worse.
Honestly, I think many people suffer with this and that's the reason why unreality can be such a debilitating disorder, as well as a lengthy one. People tend to attach themselves to various symptoms and think about them all the time, which only makes those symptoms stay around longer. If there is no distraction from said symptoms, it becomes difficult to focus on anything else and you end up perpetuating a constant unreality due to it. My advice has always been to go out with friends and family, communicate with other people, and continue the life that you'd like to lead for yourself.
That's obviously easier said than done, but distracting yourself from that unreal feeling will desensitize you to it all together. It'll make it easier to deal with the more that you push it away and give it less attention. It'll be difficult for someone with obsessive thoughts and anxiety, though, but since you're working with a therapist that can really guide you through that, your recovery should come nicely over time. Who knows, this could also just be a minor bout of unreality from extreme stress, like you mentioned. I've had times like this and they've gone away within a week or so.
It's just important to stay optimistic, busy, and realistic. You aren't going to wake up one morning and be disabled. Everything around you is very much real and objective, it seems you're just overwhelmed with stress and anxiety, at the moment. Take it easy, breathe, and remember that you're not alone and you'll soon recover.
Hope this helped.
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