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Everything has gotten so much worse

depersonalization derealization fear life sad disassociation

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#1 Libbyo789



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Posted 06 January 2017 - 06:02 PM

I've had dp/dr for over 3 years and have always handled it. But my anxiety has been acting up the past few months and everything that was going on, has just progressed. I have so much fear for myself and my mind. I'm so alone, the 2 people that I loved the most left in the same night. No one understands how I feel, not even myself. It feels like more than dp/dr now. I'm so scared about where my mental illnesses are going. It feels like I don't have a grip. Like I can't focus, like my brain is disintegrating. I'll read a sentence and have to reread it at least 3 times before I understand what it says. I have visual hallucinations of movement, almost like an acid trip (although I've never taken any psychedelics besides smoked pot), when I look at a wall it moves and breathes, the ground swirls, I'll see things move in the corner of my vision. It's such an individual experience, I have no one to talk to about any of it. I'm so scared of the things I'm feeling. I'm convinced I'm going crazy, or have a brain tumor, or have cancer. And I'm in so much pain over the one's that I told everything, for leaving. Nothing is real, not even myself. People are the only things that make me feel like I can pretend to be normal. If I watch a movie I completely disassociate into the main character to the point where I am them, and I continue to talk like them for a short period after. I don't want to feel what I'm feeling. I don't want to be so in my own head. I've been through a decent amount, and I'm a pretty tough person. Like I struggled through the past 3 years but they don't compare to the weirdness I've been feeling lately. I just want to know I'm not alone, I guess. I know I have dp/dr, I have severe anxiety, hypochondria, panic and depression. Maybe they're all just working together?

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: depersonalization, derealization, fear, life, sad, disassociation

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