Hi! I'm hoping I can find help here, since doctors are pretty much all busy this time of year. Family doctor is on holidays until February so I got a new family doctor since it's an emergency but my first appointment with my new family doctor is in mid February. So, I went to the hospital and they told me to go to a clinic; I went to a clinic, and they told me to go see a family doctor. So here I am, waiting for February to come, hoping I won't die before then.
It all starting when I smoked weed. I was fine for a couple days, until I smelt weed. From there, everything went down. I can't concentrate on a conversation without freaking out, my perception of time is distorted, I have hyperawareness (I feel, see, hear, and smell in 10D rather than3D), lights are too bright, sounds are too loud, when I look in the mirror I don't recognize myself, I feel like I'm in a movie or I feel like an alien abducted me and put me on another planet similar to mine, my hands aren't mine, I'm disconnected from my thoughts, feelings, people, the world. It goes on but I won't babble about that; you've been there.
Now the problem is, first of all, no medical help until February. I've been dealing with this for 3-4 months now, and I don't know how I'll handle two more months or so, since it seems to be getting worse. Weird thing is, my loved ones tell me that I seem doing better when in fact, I feel worse everyday.
Second problem; I have crazy anxiety attacks mixed with intense DP episodes overtime I smell weed. Yay me, my roommate smokes weed like a chimney. He started smoking outside, but I don't know how he manages to make the WHOLE HOUSE smell like weed, but he does. I live with my boyfriend, who's actually super supportive through all this (he's the landlord of the place, so basically, I live with my boyfriend (who's the landlord), my roommate who smokes weed, and another roommate. Now, before you guys say "oh just move out, or evict him" here's there problem. He has a green card and he smokes outside. Legally, we can't do anything about it. We have to keep living here. Second problem is, my boyfriend was giving the responsibility of landlord, but doesn't own the house, he's on a two year lease. We thought maybe living at his parents for a month or so might help but I've stayed there for a week already and overtime I come back home, my DP comes back to zero, and I have to re-do the whooooole process of getting the slightest bit better. Other problem is, he's my best friend, we haven't spent a day apart since we met, and if I go live at his parents, we'd only see each other 3-4 times a week. It might seem enough, but right now, he's the only one I'm the slightest bit comfortable with, he's the only one that makes me feel alive, he's the only one who kind of understands and doesn't judge me for what I'm going through and he's the only one that helps me get through the day with the thought of him coming home to me after work, apart from my mom, but she lives 8 hours away.
I don't want to live here anymore, he knows it, but I can't do anything about it. I mean, I tried to detach myself from the smell and the sight of weed but with no luck. I feel like I need to get my DP under control before trying to get over the sight and smell of weed; NOT the other way around.
PLUS, I have no help until mid February. I tried meditation, it does't help like it used too, my tricks to help anxiety attacks don't work anymore, if anything "returning to the now" and "distracting myself" makes me feel worse than I already feel. For example, going out takes concentration for me, or returning to the now makes me focus on something in specific and because of hyper awareness, when I focus or concentrate on things, it makes my DP roof to the top.
Anybody have any ideas?
I've done my research, I feel like I truly tried everything that could help me and most of those things only make me feel worse.