The Big Blank Mind Thread - Discussion - Depersonalization Community

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Poll: Derp (64 member(s) have cast votes)

Are you experiencing BM and/or cogntive impairment/decline?

  1. Yes, i'm paralyzed by BM/CI (23 votes [35.94%])

    Percentage of vote: 35.94%

  2. Voted Yes, this is one of my main symptoms (22 votes [34.38%])

    Percentage of vote: 34.38%

  3. Yah, i gots me sum of dat (5 votes [7.81%])

    Percentage of vote: 7.81%

  4. My intellectual capacity has not changed since getting DP (4 votes [6.25%])

    Percentage of vote: 6.25%

  5. I have an overactive mind (10 votes [15.62%])

    Percentage of vote: 15.62%

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#1 REB

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 12:14 PM

The term "blank mind" has been used 586 times in this forum. Considering that this term isn't well known, and seeing it being described as everything from retardation to mental fatigue it's safe to conclude that the prevalence is much higher than 586, and because of this i think it warrants its own dedicated thread.

 

The purpose of this thread is to gather the blank minders under one roof to create a more structured conversation instead of it being scattered all around the forum. It is also my hope that we'll establish a definition of this syndrome from our combined symptomatology. This is also the place to discuss symptom relief, day to day life with a comprimized cognition, possible treatment, ideas and thoughts. All things blank mind related essentially.

 

I might as well kick it off with a brief summary of my story.

 

I experienced sporadic depersonalization as a child due to early trauma. I was a very anxious and neurotic kid.

At the age of 14 i developed chronic DP following a 2 week existential freak-out. I lived just fine with this condition up until 2 years ago. 

At this point i had been chronically depersonalized for 10 years. I started noticing cognitive decline. 

Doing simple calculations got tougher, my language suffered, my short term memory deteriorated.

There were no apparent reasons for this sudden change in cognition. No traumatic events, no nothing.

 

Fast forward to may of this year, i contracted some form of gastrointestinal infection. Being who i am i intepreted this to be cancer which sent me into a hypochondrial tailspin. My brain responded to this by shutting down further cogntive functions to protect myself from my thoughts.

Well, my brain succeeded and i longer have conscious thoughts. A win for my cowardly brain, but a tragedy for me.

My life as a broccoli is what it is. i Haven't given up yet though. The bright side of this is that i feel no emotional despair. I'm shut down. I can stick around.

 

A perfect example of my challenges is writing this thread. Which took me two days . Two days of hard work, mind you.

The methodology i have employ to write anything is to google every word, every sentence i "think" might be fitting, paste them into the page, then try and organize them into a somewhat coherent sequence as best as i can. 

The reason behind this is that i'm not able to visualize anything. I can't transport a sentence into my brain and determine whether it's correct or not. 

Because, again, it's shut off. This is across the board. My brain doesn't register speech, writing, music etc. I can't recall anything, because it wasn't registered in the first place. It never happened. I can't watch series, i can't listen to the radio. I don't hear it.

 

Several times while writing this i had to literally repeat sentences out loud 50 to 100 times. And i have to do it at blistering speeds because it's wiped off my brain within milliseconds.

 

This should be enough to get us started.



#2 999661

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 12:46 PM

I believe i experience Depersonalization, and I have an OVERACTIVE MIND. Specially when i laydown to sleep at night. A "thought branching overload".

Strangely, sometimes i have moment when i feel spaced out and feel like my  mind is just blank.

My imagination is not how it used to be either. I still daydream very often during the day but its like its less vivid imagination.



#3 EricFassbender

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 12:56 PM

Since 1 1/2 month that I am dp/dr (weed badtrip), and since my biggest fear happen to be schizophrenia... my mind have gone almost blank because of the level of anxiety (was already very anxious/depressed before my badtrip) I can "fonction" but it is like I'm on a nerve breakdown, I have memory and concentration but because of my fear level being too damn high I can't "grab them"... and that makes me worst.

I think what makes our mind goes blank is particulary the focus we have for other thing that we have no control on (our symptoms, fears etc) which doesn't let us have a "free mind"...

#4 Hedgehog fuzz

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 01:41 PM

Bloody hell, I just came onto the forum to look of this and this is what I find.

 

"my life as a broccoli", you made me laugh and then i felt sad. Jesus, this is not what I want to be, nor what I want you to be.

 

This is the most fucking horrendous thing ever. I am sorry for swearing but its needs to be emphasised.

 

I was a very smart and sharp guy....now I am slow, cannot think or visualise, and as if I have Alzheimer's.

 

Not a clue what triggered it exactly, but I am looking into NMDA/glutamate for the cnogitive issues and maybe kappa receptor agonism for other aspects of dislocation.

 

Tbh, it's far too complex and I need to find a doctor who can help me. The NHS keep messing me around over stupid things. I am going to call a psychiatrist tomorrow and ask him for help and see if he can do anything.

 

I feel suicidal over this - probably like a lot of us. We need to get better!!!!!!



#5 Hedgehog fuzz

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 01:49 PM

Look at the scale of how people are impaired by this. 



#6 Ningen

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 04:02 PM

I often call the blank mind and depersonalization in general "the other side of humanity." Most people are feeling, thinking, perceiving, lively beings while we are empty, emotionless, thoughtless, disconnected creatures fighting for scraps of humanity not for our satisfaction, but in order to temporarily validate our precarious existence so that we do not fall into the pit of something that seems far worse than death and non existence, a nothingness that relentlessly attempts to eliminate any sense of existence by destroying everything which makes up the identity into smaller and smaller pieces in some of the most painful and mortifying ways possible.



#7 TDX

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 04:07 PM

 

 

Considering this symptom lacks a definition of any kind

 

It's defined as the feeling of not having any thoughts.



#8 CoffeeGirl9

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 04:10 PM

I used to be very smart and had a huge imagination. I was quick-witted and funny. Now I can barely leave my bed. I don't have any conscious thoughts, it feels like I don't have a head at all. I can't recall anything or remember my past. Completely absent of thoughts, thinking, visualizing, imagining, planning, etc.

I have had DP happening to me for 7 years but there was a few times I came out of it for a bit and when I did I couldn't believe everything was still there. This episode has been 2 years long 24/7. Happened after a shocking break up. I feel hopeless in this. Someone mentioned Alzheimer's and I feel like this is similar to that.
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#9 REB

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 05:09 PM

Hedgehog fuzz

 

I take it you're new to this so i'll take this oppurtunity to briefly inform you about the ineptitude of the "mental"  "health"  industry

First of all. You will never meet a mental health worker with a thorough understanding of DP. If such a therapist exists, we in this forum will know about it.

This is DP headquarters. We are the authorities on this condition. This is it. Every professional with an interest in DP is associated with this forum.

Believe me on this one. I've personally talked to every dissociation specialist in Scandinavia. The experience can be compared to talking with a borderline retarded 6th grader.

This needs to be understood. Besides, cognitive therapy seems unlikely to work without a cognition, wouldn't you agree?

 

That being said. If you want a prescription for a certain drug and if you can muster the strength to suffer through the required narcissistic meanderings of a psychiatrist, 

it's worth it. "The London Mix" is the standard protocol. I'm currently on Lamictal. Did nothing for my DP/BM, but it gave me a lift.



#10 REB

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 05:25 PM

It's defined as the feeling of not having any thoughts.

 

Well, that's not an actual diagnostic definition. I'm looking for a consensus as to what constitutes a "blank mind" so that we can be more precise when talking about it . 

I don't think of this as merely a symptom, but rather a condition all in of itself. Surely it's linked to DP, but yeah.. 



#11 REB

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 06:22 PM

Did DP and BM strike simultaneously CoffieGirl? Or did BM develop gradually? 

 

BM seems to me to be a very natural consequence of being disconnected from oneself over an extensive period of time.

If it's not used, it dies. This is common knowledge. I'd imagine the same to be true for our consciousness.



#12 derrrr

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Posted 21 December 2016 - 09:05 PM

I don't have blank mind, but from what I've read of peoples' stories about blank mind on here, it sounds like an issue of not being in auto-pilot think mode anymore, at all, but rather a hypervigilant/hyperaware/meta-cognitive state common in ©PTSD and OCD.







Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Blank Mind, Cognitive Impairment, Cognitive Decline, Idiopathic Mental Retardation, Horror, Despair, Agony, Dissociative Brain Injury

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