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#1 MeerKatie

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Posted 15 May 2016 - 05:54 AM

Hi, my name is Katelin and I have suffered from DPDR for as long as I can remember.  It is near impossible for me to make new memories and if I do, it feels like they aren’t even my memories.  My earliest, and only, childhood memories are the ones of my abuse.  Memories between my childhood and now are far and few between.  I can’t remember what I ate for breakfast yesterday, or if I even ate breakfast yesterday.  Did I imagine myself doing that or did I actually do it?  A question I find myself asking way too much.  Having no short/long term memory is becoming a major issue at work and in my personal relationships.  I don’t know how much longer I can continue to work and go about life like everything is normal and fine.  When my DP is really bad I’ll forget what I’m saying in the middle of saying it, as if my thoughts were suddenly wiped clean.  I’m having trouble writing this because I cannot concentrate on anything BUT my DP.  My disorder and my symptoms are the only things I have clear thoughts about anymore.  No one in my life knows what’s going on with me, I’m afraid they’ll think I’m crazy or they will just brush it off like its nothing.  That’s why I’m on this site, looking for support from people who understand my feelings might help me work up the courage to tell the ones close to me.  I feel so alone, suffering in this sea of confusion wondering, why me?  When is it going to stop? I just want someone who will remind me I’m not as crazy as I feel.



#2 Alan

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Posted 15 May 2016 - 02:50 PM

Welcome to the site, I'm Alan, your local friendly moderator :)

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish at the moment. I hope you can take some consolation in the fact that you're not alone, and pretty much everyone here has their own personal struggle to content with.

 

Better days ahead, and all that :)



#3 Blueyellowred23

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Posted 15 May 2016 - 05:43 PM

You are not crazy. It may feel like it now, but it does get better. I've been dealing with this for awhile now, and I'm not completely cured but things are getting much better. It takes time and that's what sucks the most. Feeling like this is hell every single day. I work full time and have a 5 year old with autism but I push through as best as I can. I've only told 2 people about what I have, but they don't understand. They don't know how it feels to be here but feel like your a thousand miles away. To not feel like yourself day after day.

There are days that I want to give up and just run away but I can't. For awhile I thought I was gonna have to check into the hospital because I couldn't take it anymore. Then I realized, is having dp stopping me from doing anything? Not really. The only thing it stops me from doing is drinking/eating anything with caffeine and drinking alcohol. I miss both of them, but I'm doing anything to make this better. I feel like I've come a long way since it crept up on me, but I'm still struggling.

I've learned that you're gonna have good days and bad days. Push through the bad days and don't focus on them. Easier said then done trust me but it's possible. I truly believe that we all are gonna be ok. I'm still dealing with anxiety and all that comes with it. Right now I'm in such a weird state of mind that I can't even explain but I'm just riding it out. Thinking about it does nothing. It's hard to distract yourself when you feel so messed up.

Just remember that you are not alone. Everyone here knows how you feel. Keep pushing through it.





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