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90% cured after twenty years of chronic dpd


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#13 gmriefler

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Posted 25 April 2016 - 04:56 PM

Did you have really bad existential fears? Ex what if nothing/ no one is real? I've had these thoughts for three years after the what if popped in and scared me. I'm better in that I'm not in a state of panic, but I feel very lonely with these thoughts. I tried rationalizing so much but it doesn't work...

I actually don't have any existential fears, as least not ones that I am consciously aware of. That has never been one of my symptoms. 

 

Do you  think those thoughts are more OCD-related? It is easy for me to tell you to simply not have them, or to understand that they are thoughts which only have as much weight as you give them so just laugh them off (or tell them to go fuck themselves). I'm sorry I can't help you with this symptom.



#14 gmriefler

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Posted 25 April 2016 - 05:01 PM

Hey,

So I've started to write a book on DPD recovery. So far I have the title figured out, as well as an intro (or book cover text). I realize the book won't be applicable to everyone with dpd, but I think it will help many people out and also clinicians as well. I have a PhD in Genes and Development and a B.A. in Biology with a minor in Psychology. Here it is:

 

 

Finding My Self: I Survived Depersonalization Disorder

 

 

By Gary M. Deyter, PhD

 

 

 

Imagine you are dreaming a nightmare. In the dream you feel as if you are trapped in a person-sized bubble that is internally soundproof and mostly impermeable, especially to your own escape. Your environment seems distant from you as you are enclosed within a bubble, and everything appears unclear as you look at the world through the wavering cloudiness of the bubble’s surface. It is as if you are separated from the external world, and you feel very confused about your place in the world. You’re stuck in a prison away from everyone else, a situation that causes you fear and the feeling as if you might suffocate, die, or go crazy. However, you feel at least somewhat safe in the bubble since it is protecting you from your perceived dangers of the world, though they may be unwarranted or of false value. When you get extremely nervous, the bubble (and you inside it) drifts upward toward the sky a bit, making you feel even less connected to the world. The dream progresses to the death of a loved one, and you realize that although you want to feel the pain and sadness of losing that person, you are stuck in the bubble and therefore you can’t possibly express yourself and the depth of your sorrow to any other soul. While you feel extremely lonely in your bubble, it is almost as if the emotional weight of losing that person is far away from you; a bittersweet benefit of your isolation. A similar thing happens during intensely happy moments, when in previous situations you may have laughed hysterically before you had become entrapped in the bubble, now you muster up a smile and have lost the ability to fully relate to the events happening around you. The nightmare does not end there, for not only do you feel separated from the external world, but you also feel removed from your own self. It is as if you don’t fully exist within your own mind, as if your self is disconnected from the emotions and feelings that you at one time had before you became trapped in the bubble. It is as if your sense of self and self-worth have been destroyed, yet you still have to live some semblance of a life. It is as if you are the living dead. In your nightmare, two decades pass with you imprisoned in the bubble, hardly connected to either the external world or your own internal world, since emptiness has taken over what used to be your feelings and off-the-cuff reactions to the world. Twenty years go by without you fully engaged in life. That is over 7,300 days of feeling disconnected from the reality of your life; feeling confused about the events of your life and how to respond to them. Can you imagine what it might feel like for you if the bubble were to finally burst? The nightmare would end and you would awaken. Life would become at least partially normal again, the way it used to be. This state of existence had been my life from 1996, when chronic Depersonalization Disorder took over my consciousness at age 18, until age 38 when, in 2016, the bubble finally burst. I dedicate this book to the survivors of Depersonalization/Derealization Disorder, for every one of you is surviving your mental anguish each day you wake up and go about life in the mental hell in which your mind exists. Contained in these pages is also a wakeup call for clinicians and funding agencies to recognize and research Depersonalization Disorder, one of the few severe mental illnesses for which there is no established therapy, either psychotherapeutic or pharmacologic.

 



#15 KJames

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Posted 26 April 2016 - 02:56 AM

Well done.

I really look forward to reading more.

I hope my bubble bursts in the near future.

I believe that the general public and medical practitioners need to understand how dibilitating DPDR is once and for all.

When you're published, if you want me to stand in city centres with a deck chair, prop-up table and mega phone promoting your book and talking about how shitty DPDR is....I can do that. I will plonk myself outside a train station in between two preachers. As long as I'm not having an existential crisis that day, otherwise I'll stand alone outside WHSMITHS!

Good Luck!

#16 gmriefler

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Posted 26 April 2016 - 09:42 AM

Well done.

I really look forward to reading more.

I hope my bubble bursts in the near future.

I believe that the general public and medical practitioners need to understand how dibilitating DPDR is once and for all.

When you're published, if you want me to stand in city centres with a deck chair, prop-up table and mega phone promoting your book and talking about how shitty DPDR is....I can do that. I will plonk myself outside a train station in between two preachers. As long as I'm not having an existential crisis that day, otherwise I'll stand alone outside WHSMITHS!

Good Luck!

Thanks so much KJames. It's ridiculous how DPD is overlooked, and probably 90% of pdocs have never even heard of it...even after media attempts like the movie "Numb" have attempted to educate the public. Ug! I like the soapbox idea!! Take care!



#17 KJames

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Posted 30 April 2016 - 03:07 PM

From my personal experience, although DPDR is widely acknowledged, I find many dismiss how dibilitating the chronic DPDR actually is. I've been told by many GPs, psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors that it is almost unheard of for people to experience chronic DP without anxiety. Quite frustrating. Mine, too, was triggered by a panic attack. 10 months later I'm still making very little progress with mental health professionals. Congratulations on finding a DP experienced therapist! I really wish you the best of luck with your recovery. :)

#18 gmriefler

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Posted 19 May 2016 - 09:33 AM

From my personal experience, although DPDR is widely acknowledged, I find many dismiss how dibilitating the chronic DPDR actually is. I've been told by many GPs, psychiatrists, psychologists and counsellors that it is almost unheard of for people to experience chronic DP without anxiety. Quite frustrating. Mine, too, was triggered by a panic attack. 10 months later I'm still making very little progress with mental health professionals. Congratulations on finding a DP experienced therapist! I really wish you the best of luck with your recovery. :)

Thank you! I wish the best for your recovery as well :)  Also, perhaps the condition is better known in the UK because so many therapists and pdocs have never even heard of DPD...of course they've heard of depersonalization as a secondary symptom of other mental conditions (e.g., depression and anxiety), but like you said many of them can't fathom the fact that it can exist as its own primary disorder! I know it's so frustrating!



#19 brill

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Posted 19 May 2016 - 05:21 PM

Congrats Brother!  Wondering if you could explain how you went about resolving the pain of your early years?

thanks.  That may be what I need as well.



#20 gmriefler

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Posted 23 May 2016 - 03:46 PM

Congrats Brother!  Wondering if you could explain how you went about resolving the pain of your early years?

thanks.  That may be what I need as well.

I was somehow able to connect to my emotions to be able to release the sadness and pain of my past. I have been on an antidepressant called Cymbalta, so that may have helped to "open up" my mind and allow me to feel those emotions..I'm not sure. I've tried 8 or so other antidepressants throughout the 20 long ass years I had DPD and none of them helped me at all.  Basically, I was able to release the emotions because my mind allowed me to "reach" that part of my brain (which I was very very disconnected from for all those years) and I could then experience the release of the pain associated with the emotions. Basically, my mind took a huge emotional dump after decades of being constipated :)



#21 simonlebon

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Posted 24 May 2016 - 10:32 AM

Emotional dump.... well said! I kinda feel I took a big dump over the last year or so.



#22 Archer

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Posted 20 September 2016 - 08:44 PM

Wow,speechless. Do you still enjoy the things you “enjoyed” while dpdrd?

#23 mangosplums

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Posted 13 November 2016 - 06:34 PM

How have you dealt with losing 20 years? I have been depersonalized/derealized for 20 years. I am scared to get back to life because the pain of having lost all those years is too much.



#24 Lostsoul26

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Posted 13 November 2016 - 09:08 PM

Did your dp include blank mind??and sense of not knowing who you were.and that just a pair of eyes feeling??
I was on geodon for about 2 maybe 3months cant really exactly remember and I still felt numb and depressed.




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