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90% cured after twenty years of chronic dpd


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#1 gmriefler

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 04:44 PM

HI Everyone!

 

In a previous post I mentioned that I was finally healing from dpd. dpd "started" in 1996, and has been absolutely chronic until within the past few months and especially the past few weeks. I have come to terms with my childhood emotional neglect (at least to some degree), and I have felt intense REAL sadness and anger during the past few months. I also had glimpses of joy, wholeness, and peacefulness but they were lasting for only a few seconds, and I also continued to perceive the world as flat, not very 3D, objects were not distinct from one another, etc. That was when I was taking Cymbalta (120 mg) and Klonopin (1 mg). This changed dramatically a few days after my pDoc put me on Geodon (20 mg at night), an atypical antipsychotic, two weeks ago. I was hesitant to try Geodon (I actually put off starting it for one month) because I was on Zyprexa and Risperdal back in 1996 and 1997, before I even knew I had dpd or that something called dpd even existed, and they did nothing but make me feel even more spacey back then. This time, a few days into taking Geodon, I began to feel real happiness for the first time in 20 years. Not just "surface" happiness or joy, but as if I was and am truly happy once again. A weight began to lift off of my shoulders. And finally last week (after 1.5 weeks of being on Geodon) my perception has gone almost entirely back to normal :) My friend and I were driving out of town, and while I was in the passenger's seat I was simply looking outside at the trees and nature. I realized that everything didn't look flat, but had depth and dimensions. Of course I cried when I realized this. That was last Friday, and my perception has continued to improve. Things seem almost (almost almost almost) back to "normal" again- I feel such peace and happiness. I feel as if I have "settled back into" my body, and I am not afraid anymore of dpd or life in general. My therapist couldn't believe what he was seeing last week (I have seen him for 2 years at least twice a month). I was alive, present, cracking jokes, witty, and unfiltered...the REAL ME. 

 

One thing I am dealing with, as all of these great things happen to me, is the sadness of "losing" 20 years of my life. Surely they weren't completely wasted, but feeling disconnected from my "self" and my life all of those years is very painful to fully realize. I apologize to myself as I sob and scream about it in my car (when I'm parked away from people in my work parking lot). But it is something that is very sad and incomprehensible even for me.

 

I plan on writing a book about my recovery to help the public and others to understand dpd from a survivor's standpoint. I have kept an email journal (emailing myself lol) of my progress for the past 3 months. Here is a section of an emai from early last week:

 

"It was raining a little bit today as I drove to work, but again I wasn't feeling disconnected or "annoyed" about it. I feel as if I am "back (or safe)" in my body, and I am not as concerned with the environment around me. It's as if my "self" has returned and is now concerned about how I am feeling and what is happening in my life in the current moment, and I am not feeling "oppressed" by the clouds and the gloomy weather. I was inside my car and safe, and my mind is with me, with its emotions, and my consciousness was not outside somewhere escaping my mind or emotions, or looking outside my "self" for some type of answer, direction, or emotion. I am comfortable and safe, and even better I am extremely happy. I listened to music and sang some karaoke in my car as I drove. My mind wasn't empty and in the clouds. I was present and I was driving to work and I was happy. I made sure that I breathed more deeply when I felt like I was holding my breathe unconsciously. I'm so happy to be alive and almost back to normal (I'd say I'm only 20% or so disconnected now, compared to 95% 3 months ago). I've come along way toward making a COMPLETE recovery, I have a few more steps to take, and I will never step back although I will realize that that was my life for so many years (this last sentence is making me cry hard right now)."

 

Take care everyone. You'll find the help you need to be recovered...it may take time, but you will find it!

 

 

 

 

 

 



#2 thy

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 04:53 PM

Great story. So do you think it was the medication, particularly Geodon, that really solved the issue for you?



#3 surf

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 06:46 PM

Congratulations!  Glad to hear you are feeling better.  Much deserved after so long.  I hope you continue to make a full recovery and go on to write a book about your experiences.



#4 simonlebon

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 07:51 PM


Can you explain histamine affinity and  what about Geodon do you like vs Seroquel?
Thanks

#5 gmriefler

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Posted 05 April 2016 - 11:41 PM

Great story. So do you think it was the medication, particularly Geodon, that really solved the issue for you?

Yes, I believe that the cymbalta started me toward recovery and letting go of past emotional pain from before I was 18 and before dpd set in. However, it wasn't getting me to a complete recovery but perhaps it would have given more time (probably not since I've been on it for 6 months). But within DAYS of starting Geodon I started to feel happy. Real true happiness. Then a week later my perception of the world started to go back to normal, the way I saw it previous to dpd. I think that the combination of the SSNRI and Geodon was my "miracle combination" or whatever you want to call it.

Thanks for your kind words everyone.

#6 sunjet

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Posted 08 April 2016 - 05:36 PM

Fuck. I miss so much that feel that you're telling. When you drive a car and you watch the trees, sky and you actually feel them, not just flat sky and trees going by...

 

Till now, after some good years of anxiety and somehow recovered DPDR, I can't return that old feeling when staying outside in a park and enjoying nature. Why... I don't know. 

 

One of my theory is that by brain just fried up from these 15 years of intense anxiety sometimes with full blown panic attacks..

 

I wonder how to get that feeling, I really miss the feeling of nature depth.



#7 Punchdrink

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Posted 11 April 2016 - 10:19 PM

Hey gmriefler I have mostly been a lurker on these forums for a couple of weeks. Only recently created an account. Hopefully this is the right way to introduce myself. I can totally relate to everyone's symptoms and problems they face with DP. I am now pushing at around 12 years with this. I have been searching for years on how to cure this odd mentality, but only recently found out about DP. It almost feels hopeless trying to explain what DP is without getting some odd responses. I have tried a numerous amounts things to try and 'cure' it myself, but I have yet to go to a psychiatrist. I have been more motivated than ever to try and tackle this problem now that I discovered this forum!

 

I noticed you live in Houston as well and I fear going to a psychiatrist and trying to explain myself. Mostly if the psychiatrist is not aware of DP. I am actually writing to you to see if you had a recommendation(s) of any potential psychiatrists in the Houston area. Any help or response is greatly appreciated! Also, it's good to hear the treatment has been working for you!



#8 Hosscat

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Posted 12 April 2016 - 07:51 AM

Did you have really bad existential fears? Ex what if nothing/ no one is real? I've had these thoughts for three years after the what if popped in and scared me. I'm better in that I'm not in a state of panic, but I feel very lonely with these thoughts. I tried rationalizing so much but it doesn't work...

#9 TDX

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Posted 16 April 2016 - 07:18 PM

 

 

The histamine thing is mostly personal. I find that histamine antagonists (anti-histamines) make my DP a lot worse. 

 

Have you tried antipsychotics or anti-histamines which are not antipsychotics (like Mirtazapine?).



#10 theconduit

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Posted 19 April 2016 - 04:42 PM

Congratulations and long may the recovery and wellbeing continue x



#11 simonlebon

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Posted 22 April 2016 - 05:54 PM

, Just saw in your latest post that you have not ever tried an AAP. Any particular reason why?  An AAP along with SSRI is pretty standard treatment for anxiety/panic disorder (which is a normal underlying cause of DP).

#12 gmriefler

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Posted 25 April 2016 - 04:52 PM

Hey gmriefler I have mostly been a lurker on these forums for a couple of weeks. Only recently created an account. Hopefully this is the right way to introduce myself. I can totally relate to everyone's symptoms and problems they face with DP. I am now pushing at around 12 years with this. I have been searching for years on how to cure this odd mentality, but only recently found out about DP. It almost feels hopeless trying to explain what DP is without getting some odd responses. I have tried a numerous amounts things to try and 'cure' it myself, but I have yet to go to a psychiatrist. I have been more motivated than ever to try and tackle this problem now that I discovered this forum!

 

I noticed you live in Houston as well and I fear going to a psychiatrist and trying to explain myself. Mostly if the psychiatrist is not aware of DP. I am actually writing to you to see if you had a recommendation(s) of any potential psychiatrists in the Houston area. Any help or response is greatly appreciated! Also, it's good to hear the treatment has been working for you!

Hey! That's really cool you live in Houston. I have always wanted to meet someone with the disorder, so let me know if you want to meet. I go to Dr. Silverman in Montrose Area. However, when I told him I had DPD (6 months ago), he responded with "Is that a thing?" It still bothers me how he had never heard of it. Can you believe after all of these years that the majority of psychiatrists have never heard of DPD. Fucking idiots. But I have grown to like him and he's the one who suggested Geodon so I strongly recommend him. Take care!






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