Hello everyone, my name is Andre im 20 and i would like to have a second guess on what I'm actually going through. First of all, i'm portuguese so excuse me for my shitty english.
Well, i started feeling like im feeling now 2 months ago, but before this i was already feeling strange and depressed, the strangest thing is that i don't know exactly how it scalated, it feels like parts of my memory were erased and eventhough i try I can't remember the exact moment i started to feel like shit or what happened in my life to make this happen.
Before these 2 months, i remember talking to my friends about how strange i was feeling and having these questions on my mind, like "what am I supposed to do?" or "what am i supposed to say to people" when this was nothing like me, i used to know (or i thought i knew) just what to say to people and how to act in every situation, i used to be able to talk about almost everything but at this moment everything seemed pointless and without sense.
Then some night for some reason i just thought "maybe im going crazy", this possibility scared the shit out of me and the anxiety started, but for some days i only felt this anxiety at night before sleep.
At that moment I was living with a friend of mine because i was kicked out of my parents house, i knew i could go back to my parents because i kept in touch with my siblings and they told me that, but i had planned that i would only go back when i had my life planned, and without this happening i just thought that maybe it was time to go home, apologize to my parents and see if i could go back, so i went and they accepted me back. I noticed that i wasn't feeling anything, i knew that i was happy to see them but i didnt feel any happier to come back and being again with my family, it just made me a little bit more confortable. The anxiety was worse the first days i came back to my parents place, and after a few days i was not even feeling anxiety.
So its been 2 months since I came back and every single day its a struggle to understand what its going on with me, i used to be very close to my friends and miss them just a few days after not seeing them and now it seems like i dont have feelings eventhough i know what people are most important to me. It feels like every concept i built in my mind just vanished, i can't keep a conversation, nothing gives me pleasure, i can't fight for my goals, i'm a musician and i don't have the will to play music, music doesn't touch me like it used to, my mind doesnt make sense, i can't concentrate on most things and my memory fails a lot. I used to smoke hash everyday and at the beginning i thought it was because of it so i quitted, but nothing changed. Sometimes i say things and right after i ask myself "how do i know this" because I feel like i dont know anything at all. I started looking for my symptoms and i discovered this mental state or whatever called DP and i related a lot to most symptoms but i dont feel anxious anymore and i dont feel like im living in a dream like most people describe it, so i just dont know. Can somebody help me?