4 replies to this topic

[ezp123]

I don't know if I'm depressed or have DP anymore.  I don't have much interest in anything, which would suggest I'm depressed, but my sense of time and place are non existent, and when I think of other people around me and my identity, I feel lost or uncertain.  I feel very much like a zombie throughout the day, but because I'm not stressing about it, I'm not experiencing any DR.  I know that I'm not happy and that I don't have many thoughts during the day, which means also no ambition or drive.

 

I've considered going on antidepressants, but I'm really not sure they will make a difference.  Since my loss of identity, or disassociation from myself seems to be the symptom that is persisting, it's making me wonder if maybe I've got some repressed memories and should go explore that avenue or the disorder.  I'm even considering hypnosis since I've got basically no childhood memories and I've always wondered why.  I have no recollection of a bad childhood, but if something bad happened, maybe I just repressed it?
 

Any thoughts?

[intothequarry]

Hey - disassociation and loss of identity are really the only symptoms I have left myself. I don't think I have any repressed feelings, I think maybe we're getting a little better and just need to give it time/have patience. That's what I tell myself at least.

 

Also, it's hard to enjoy anything because you don't feel the emotions involved in it! I don't really feel much when I'm doing stuff I used to enjoy either. I just feel like I go through the motions every day.

[ezp123]

What makes you think it's still DP then?  Aren't symptoms of DP also symptoms of depression?  I don't know how much of me has actually "left."  And, I know that I can still feel sadness; I've cried a lot recently because I just don't feel like myself.  That's an emotion.  It's an emotion that makes me think maybe I've got depression and that the depression is what is causing the loss of identity--because I am not me while I'm depressed.  

[intothequarry]

Well, I know I'm not depressed because I'm lucky. Great job (and sometimes I'm elated when I can go support other teams in different cities in places I've never been before with the "weird" feeling of dp) Happily married, I live in a wonderful place even though it doesn't seem like my own sometimes, and the will to beat this! And you know what, what IF you have depression? It isn't a life sentence. Go talk to someone, take Sunny Mood (I got them at whole foods - they're all natural vitamins that promote positivity and clarity and after 2 weeks you really do get moments/sparks of happiness) go for a jog, go to the movies, go outside and smell the roses (and if the thought of that gives you anxiety because of how strange the world looks...well, you answered your question!) A lot of the symptoms are similar - and trust me I think an underlying bit of depression contributed to my dp but so did ruminating and obsessing and thinking and panicing about a health condition that was never there. DP isn't there either, its just a block I've created and I'm not feeding it anymore. Every day I come on the site less and less (some days the irrational thoughts come and I need all the help I can get) but I try to avoid as much as possible. I sent a text to my 2 girl friends to stop asking me how I'm feeling with the dp and you know, today is a strong day and these were the cards I was dealt.. I'm gonna push through. I'm lucky to be alive and loved and to have things most people dream of.

[ezp123]

It's comforting to read what you've written, and I'm glad you aren't depressed.  I guess it's been difficult accepting whatever this is and it's, as a result, causing me depression.  Somehow it would be easier to swallow that I'm experiencing depression because depression is treatable.  I just hate waking up and not having any motivation to do anything or having an emotion.  It's pretty awful.  And my perception of time is what kills me.  I get totally lost in my activities, but not in a good way.  I forget the world exists.  There is nothing for me to look forward to.  And my life has just begun....I suppose I need to keep the fighting attitude.  It's hard to do though.