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Is no identity the problem?

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#1 ezp123

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Posted 03 June 2015 - 09:00 PM

Hi Everyone,

I've exited the full on DP/DR phase.  That is, I'm no longer ruminating and thereby exacerbating the sensory part of the disorder, though I could probably induce that state if I chose to think about it.  I am, however, struggling with having no emotions, no sense of time, and a less than effective memory (I used to have a great memory).  I also can't really think of myself, like I have no identity.  By no means a new question, but does anyone have suggestions as to how to alleviate all or any one of these things.  Or, perhaps someone can explain whether the way that I think is affecting these parts of the disorder.  I find myself submitting to the disorder, which alleviates the skewed sensory perception, but the "fog," as I think it's commonly referred to, subsists.  Part of me thinks that the loss of identity is the underlying problem and that perhaps my inability to create an identity as kid might have a big part in why I can't fix this.  I say this because I don't know what to do with myself every day.  I never developed any hobbies growing up and I've always been a "chill" and indifferent person my whole life.  I see a lot of posts suggesting I should distract myself doing things I love, but I don't really love any activities.  I've never had a strong opinion about something in my life....And as a recent graduate, I need to find a job, but I don't know what I want to do.

Maybe some of this stuff rings true for someone?  Again, maybe someone can offer suggestions.



#2 YoungKidWithDP

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Posted 03 June 2015 - 10:03 PM

Common symptoms - Dissociation disorders

#3 intothequarry

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Posted 03 June 2015 - 10:08 PM

Yup - that's me! never had hobbies either. I feel it lifting a little though.. the emotions slowly come back (like a fucking snail... that's been stepped on..dragging its shell around) lol

#4 ezp123

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 10:25 AM

Yup - that's me! never had hobbies either. I feel it lifting a little though.. the emotions slowly come back (like a fucking snail... that's been stepped on..dragging its shell around) lol

 

intothequarry, glad to hear the emotions are returning.  Are you living life fully otherwise? I feel a little like I don't know where I am or like my brain is incapable of having thoughts.  If I think of a world outside of my house and past this experience it worries me that I can't return to who I was.  It feels a little like limbo or stuck in my head.  I need to get a job, but I don't know what to do.



#5 intothequarry

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 12:57 PM

No, if I think of a family member or think about the fact that I'm married I FREAK out, panic.. cause I feel weird since even though I saw my husband at 7am - it feels like I haven't seen him in a hundred years. It's all really hard. I work a full time job and I seem to be okay except some random times like this where I'm on a 10 minute break and thinking about this forum, but, I feel like I'll be okay soon! You have to leave your house!



#6 ezp123

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 03:55 PM

No, if I think of a family member or think about the fact that I'm married I FREAK out, panic.. cause I feel weird since even though I saw my husband at 7am - it feels like I haven't seen him in a hundred years. It's all really hard. I work a full time job and I seem to be okay except some random times like this where I'm on a 10 minute break and thinking about this forum, but, I feel like I'll be okay soon! You have to leave your house!

 

I kind of know what you mean.  But, when I look at people, I feel more discouraged than panicky, like discouraged that I don't recognize them.  In fact, anxiety has played very little into what I've been feeling recently.  I just feel very flat and unmotivated.  Makes me wonder if trying some medication might help.  I guess your emotions seem to be returning, so maybe it's not necessary, but have you ever considered taking meds?  I think if I could be happy again the DP would fully disappear.  But, i'm aware that the DP could be causing that emotional numbness and taking meds could do nothing.



#7 intothequarry

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 04:04 PM

But you do recognize them right? Like you know you know them.. it just feels off.



#8 ezp123

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 06:42 PM

But you do recognize them right? Like you know you know them.. it just feels off.

 

Yup.  I think it's off because I don't feel like I know myself very well.  Do you experience this part of the disorder?  Not having an identity and therefore feeling like there isn't much meaning to anything because of it?



#9 intothequarry

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 06:52 PM

Yeah I know who I am but can't connect to my memories and even talking to family it feels like I was assigned to them. Like I know my mom but feels weird talking to her cause I don't really remember what life is like being a person with an identity. I feel sort of empty. I feel like everyone is an established person in this world except me right now. I know I love everyone I just don't know who I am right now. Its so hard to explain.

#10 intothequarry

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 06:54 PM

I used to obsessively check. I went through a spell where I just identified tattoos on my body to solidify that I know who I am! like.. ha! would I know that if I was a stranger!

#11 ezp123

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 07:10 PM

How long have you been experiencing the DP/DR?  Also, are you able to relax and do nothing?  I find myself not enjoying just simply being.  Like, I can't sit and mindlessly watch TV and relax.  I can't just sit and read and think about what I'm reading either.  Both of these things is what is keeping me on edge most.  Being carefree I guess is what that's called.



#12 intothequarry

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Posted 04 June 2015 - 07:16 PM

I can't really watch TV. I can read a little I just don't enjoy it as much cause my brain is full. being carefree doesn't exist in this thing right now cause you do care! not about anything worth caring about but you do care.





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