Depersonalization Support Forum banner

I have recovered!!! There is hope!!!

79K views 149 replies 38 participants last post by  axelandradobre 
#1 ·
Hello everyone!!! My name is Cynthia and first of all, I just wanted to tell you that every one of you are perfect and are NOT going crazy!!! Hard to believe that you are not crazy, I know. I've been there. I wouldn't believe anyone who told me that I was okay. It was a hard fight, but I managed to do it!! AND YOU CAN TOO!!! Let me begin on how I started this horrible thing.

Like most of you, I got it by smoking marijuana. I didn't think it would get me this bad, but it did, obviously. This is what I felt and what happened in order:

  • Smoked more than usual (that's a gimme)
  • I blacked out as soon as I got up
  • Body went completely numb
  • Extreme detachment
  • Felt like I was dreaming
  • Tunnel vision
  • Black "fireworks"
  • Slow motion vision
  • Felt like I was dying
  • Screamed from the top of my lungs
  • Ran around everywhere
  • Gravity took over me
  • Begged God to not take me
  • Ambulance picked me up

So yes, that was my experience... After that, I woke up the next day and felt like I was still dreaming. I looked up my symptoms, and got dp/dr, and of course matched PERFECTLY. The symptoms I felt were awful. Some may relate, or not, or think it is ridiculous, but I shall mention some anyway:

  • Extreme detachment
  • Felt like I was dreaming, not real, a robot, zombie, etc.
  • Felt like I was not in control of my body movements or speech
  • Horrible memory (I would forget things a second after it happens)
  • Felt no connection with people whatsoever
  • People, objects and places seemed unfamiliar
  • Sounds coming from rooms freaked me out
  • Hopeless
  • Depression
  • I was afraid of having suicidal thoughts (I would look at objects and start shaking from the thought of hurting myself or loved ones)
  • When I held an object, I would feel pressure, but felt like I was holding nothing (hard to explain)
  • Addicted to using phone and laptop
  • Could NOT sleep
  • Negative thoughts consumed me
  • Outside looked painted, felt like I was in a dome
  • Scared of crowded places

There were MANY others, I could write a book about my symptoms. But after a year of having this, I decided to FINALLY seek help. Some worked. Others didn't. I did yoga for a bit, but it just freaked me out more. But here is what I did that helped me out:

  • PRAY PRAY PRAY and read the bible

Some may think "hahaha no" but personally, praying really helped me. If it is not your thing, meditate. But for others, I prayed so much that I cried. I prayed every night and I read the bible on healings and miracles. It's peaceful, it's calming. It helped me a lot.

  • Music

I am not talking about depressing music, but music that makes you happy, that's catchy, that makes you want to dance! Take music with you when you go out places, that helped me a lot!! :)

  • Distraction

This is IMPORTANT. Anything that gets your mind off of this is perfect!! To me, music, video games, socializing (as scary as it was), drawing, painting, finding new hobbies, A LOT OF THINGS!!

  • Laughing/smiling

Laughter is the best medicine ever!!! It is great to laugh!! It is fun!! Laugh at some videos! Something funny that happened! ANYTHING!

  • Hugging

This may be weird, but it helps! Hugging helped me from depression. I am not going to lie, it was scary at first because I didn't want anyone near me, but it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside :3

  • Counseling

I had to search hard for one, but it really helped me!! A lot, actually!! It feels amazing to get things out of your chest and not have people to judge!!

  • Journaling

Can't or don't want to see a counselor? This is second best! Write down everything in your mind! Write down your good and bad days. When you have a bad day, look back at your good days and see how great you felt and you WILL feel like that again!

  • Biofeedback/Neurofeedback

Kind of hard to explain... I was actually introduced to this by my boyfriend after a panic attack during church. It is light and sound therapy. It is supposed to help get the really active part of the brain, less active and the less active part, more active. Many may think it is a scam. Well, I thought that at first too. I did not think this would help one bit. I thought it was ridiculous, but I gave it a shot. They mapped my brain and it was the worst that they have seen. Obviously things don't work right away, so I gave it some time. Honestly, it helped tremendously!! Everyone saw me different and most importantly I saw myself different!! I recently got mapped again and I approved a lot!! More than the other patients! It actually works!! Don't knock it 'till you try it ;)

  • Medication

At first, I didn't want medication. Didn't want anything to do with them. I really wanted this dp/dr gone, so I gave in. I had Buspirone at first, but it did't seem like it was working for me. Then I took Lexapro, and holy moly that stuff helped me a lot!! :D I have felt great!!

  • NO MORE FORUMS

I know it is kind of a Go To kind of thing, but you really got to stop going on forums. so no forums, no Google, no Facebook groups. I know it is going to be tough, but you've read many things, I'm sure. How many times did these repeat? And looking at other peoples symptoms won't help. They will get you thinking that you have or will have them. I was a victim in this. I left this site, I left my Facebook group and lived my own life.

  • Focus on the here and now

No thinking of the past and not thinking of the future...clearly haha. But I would always do that..

At this moment I can't quite think of more things that helped me (because I am tired and it is late here xD) But if you have any questions or just want to talk, I am here for you :) I want to help you as much as I can! Please don't write anything negative that will lose hope for others, or hurt me. I am still a sensitive gal >.< So, I hope this helps. Talk to me if you want. And you will be in my prayers. You can do this, everyone! Don't give up! (pardon my nerdiness) I think of it as The Legend of Zelda. You are Link, the hero! DP/DR is Ganondorf. You have the triforce of courage, he has the triforce of power. He wants to steal that from you. Don't let him! Defeat him!! Hahaha xD Good luck guys!! You can do it!! I know you can!! <3
 
See less See more
#79 ·
I wanna know what it feels like when you start recover from this nightmare
I'll always be here to help!! I know I needed help when I had this. So I wanna be there for those who need it.
Oh my gosh.. All I can say is that you'll definitely be happier. I remember I cried in happiness when I went into a mall or a grocery store or even outside without fear. I was actually enjoying life again!! It's the best feeling ever. And you'll be there soon :)
 
#81 ·
#82 ·
Yesterday i get attacked by wired symptom when i just wake up from sleep i felt with wired feeling that i can't describe it and when i open my eyes my vision was wired there was coloured noise around my vision fir few seconds
After that i was in hard anxiety
....
Any way here im trying to describe my vision problem
http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/index.php?/topic/52726-how-my-vision-looks-like-if-i-go-outside/
I had that before too. Usually when I go outside or in crowded places :/ but that goes away too. You don't need to worry about it :) it's annoying and scary, yeah, but you're stronger than this dp :)
 
#84 ·
What it make me feeling worst that im not sure if im dealing with depersonalization i feel with every symptom in DP but what it make me worst is i think i have symptoms that no one in this site talk about it .. i hope it is nothing more than DP
 
#93 ·
hey Cynthia! How did you concentration comeback? Did i gradually happen or suddenly happend?
To be honest, it just came back XD I didn't even notice I had it back XD but that's how it is, well, for me at least. When I recovered, I didn't even notice I was recovered because I was living life normal, until I thought "oh hey! I don't feel this crap anymore!! Awesome!!" Or when j was scared to go outside, I just went outside without thinking and was out there for hours and then thought "woah!! I'm outside!! Cool!!!" XD point I'm making, it just suddenly happens xD
 
#94 ·
Congratulations.
 
#95 ·
Issue is I doubt this will give much hope while it can still. Now thing is you did neurofeedback/biofeedback which I really don't know much about but sounds expensive, 2. drug medication which many aren't willing to take like myself as I changing your brain to go "normal" through something that is changing your mind state is something I'm against 3. religion......some here are atheist and it won't help whatsoever.

now anyways congrats on your story, stop smoking pot, and get on with your life. however at night on the computer on forums I feel completely fine out in school no not at all sometimes especially lighting. lighting really affects my mood which it does for everyone, but for me especially heavily on DP.
 
#96 ·
Issue is I doubt this will give much hope while it can still. Now thing is you did neurofeedback/biofeedback which I really don't know much about but sounds expensive, 2. drug medication which many aren't willing to take like myself as I changing your brain to go "normal" through something that is changing your mind state is something I'm against 3. religion......some here are atheist and it won't help whatsoever.

now anyways congrats on your story, stop smoking pot, and get on with your life. however at night on the computer on forums I feel completely fine out in school no not at all sometimes especially lighting. lighting really affects my mood which it does for everyone, but for me especially heavily on DP.
I mentioned things that helped me out, I didn't say it'll help everyone.
Neurofeedback/biofeedback is a type of brain therapy that helps your brain activity back to its "normal" state. Again, helps some. Not all. 2, again, medication helped ME. If you don't want to, then okay. Work out. It does the same effects as antidepressants. If not, then stay positive. 3 okay I get it. Like I mentioned 2 times, helped me out. Not religious, then meditate. Same thing. Just without faith. Just peace in mind.

And thanks. I no longer smoke. Haven't in years. And I do have a life. I work and continue my studies in college. In school it's tough because your mind tends to wander. Do do something to keep your mind occupied. As for lighting, when I had that problem (and it was mostly in grocery stores) I listened to music. May help. May not. But worth a shot.
 
#97 ·
how do people still say not thinking about it will cure it, last few months ive maybe thought about it 4 times each day and barley more then a few seconds and i hardly have noticed a difference then when i upsessed over it. of course obsessing over it isnt helping, but just not thinking about it wont get rid of it.
This has worked for me in the past. Just because it doesn't work for one person doesn't mean it won't work for another. Everyone is different. Don't shoot down people's hopes with negative comments like this. This of all places is not the place for them.
 
#100 ·
I mentioned things that helped me out, I didn't say it'll help everyone.
Neurofeedback/biofeedback is a type of brain therapy that helps your brain activity back to its "normal" state. Again, helps some. Not all. 2, again, medication helped ME. If you don't want to, then okay. Work out. It does the same effects as antidepressants. If not, then stay positive. 3 okay I get it. Like I mentioned 2 times, helped me out. Not religious, then meditate. Same thing. Just without faith. Just peace in mind.

And thanks. I no longer smoke. Haven't in years. And I do have a life. I work and continue my studies in college. In school it's tough because your mind tends to wander. Do do something to keep your mind occupied. As for lighting, when I had that problem (and it was mostly in grocery stores) I listened to music. May help. May not. But worth a shot.
you got this in a wrong way, I wasn't trying to be rude if you thought so nor was I say you have no life.

But you know what grinds my gears? Fucking 30+ year old cry babies here who are saying they live off the government and they claim how terrible their lives are cause of this shit, like no fuck you. you are using the government and peoples money over you feeling uncomfortable and "numb." I understand this crap is very very annoying but it won't kill you even though it causes paranoia and you question a lot of stuff it doesn't mean your thoughts are always correct.

I struggle with this crap during the mornings but it isn't consistent with me and it's pretty much gone despite paranoia I've developed from recovering from this. but that is almost gone as well. I am thinking it was my old creatine I was taking which couldve lead to high metal levels in my body or so.

well anyways, this shit is pretty much gone from my head and it's hell. I am sure of that.
 
#101 ·
I just read in a book that it is very rare for anyone to recover 100% and that makes me want to die, seriously. I've been pretty hopeful and optimistic and new meds I'm going to be trying and stuff and that one little sentence shot me down.
Did you have the "blank brain" and fogginess and emotional numbness?

And what is the biofeedback process like? Like, what do they do?
I got off SSRIs for the first time in 7 years and I'm feeling hopeless and panicky and doomed and I'm crying a bunch but still no connection to emotions.
 
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top