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I have recovered!!! There is hope!!!

recovery dp dr depersonalization derealization hope

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#1 Cynthia94

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Posted 07 April 2015 - 11:53 PM

Hello everyone!!! My name is Cynthia and first of all, I just wanted to tell you that every one of you are perfect and are NOT going crazy!!! Hard to believe that you are not crazy, I know. I've been there. I wouldn't believe anyone who told me that I was okay. It was a hard fight, but I  managed to do it!! AND YOU CAN TOO!!! Let me begin on how I started this horrible thing.

 

Like most of you, I got it by smoking marijuana. I didn't think it would get me this bad, but it did, obviously. This is what I felt and what happened in order:

  • Smoked more than usual (that's a gimme)
  • I blacked out as soon as I got up
  • Body went completely numb
  • Extreme detachment
  • Felt like I was dreaming
  • Tunnel vision
  • Black "fireworks"
  • Slow motion vision
  • Felt like I was dying
  • Screamed from the top of my lungs
  • Ran around everywhere
  • Gravity took over me
  • Begged God to not take me
  • Ambulance picked me up

So yes, that was my experience... After that, I woke up the next day and felt like I was still dreaming. I looked up my symptoms, and got dp/dr, and of course matched PERFECTLY. The symptoms I felt were awful. Some may relate, or not, or think it is ridiculous, but I shall mention some anyway:

 

  • Extreme detachment
  • Felt like I was dreaming, not real, a robot, zombie, etc.
  • Felt like I was not in control of my body movements or speech
  • Horrible memory (I would forget things a second after it happens)
  • Felt no connection with people whatsoever
  • People, objects and places seemed unfamiliar
  • Sounds coming from rooms freaked me out
  • Hopeless
  • Depression
  • I was afraid of having suicidal thoughts (I would look at objects and start shaking from the thought of hurting myself or loved ones)
  • When I held an object, I would feel pressure, but felt like I was holding nothing (hard to explain)
  • Addicted to using phone and laptop
  • Could NOT sleep
  • Negative thoughts consumed me
  • Outside looked painted, felt like I was in a dome
  • Scared of crowded places

There were MANY others, I could write a book about my symptoms. But after a year of having this, I decided to FINALLY seek help. Some worked. Others didn't. I did yoga for a bit, but it just freaked me out more. But here is what I did that helped me out:

  • PRAY PRAY PRAY and read the bible

Some may think "hahaha no" but personally, praying really helped me. If it is not your thing, meditate. But for others, I prayed so much that I cried. I prayed every night and I read the bible on healings and miracles. It's peaceful, it's calming. It helped me a lot.

  • Music

I am not talking about depressing music, but music that makes you happy, that's catchy, that makes you want to dance! Take music with you when you go out places, that helped me a lot!! :)

  • Distraction

This is IMPORTANT. Anything that gets your mind off of this is perfect!! To me, music, video games, socializing (as scary as it was), drawing, painting, finding new hobbies, A LOT OF THINGS!! 

  • Laughing/smiling

Laughter is the best medicine ever!!! It is great to laugh!! It is fun!! Laugh at some videos! Something funny that happened! ANYTHING!

  • Hugging

This may be weird, but it helps! Hugging helped me from depression. I am not going to lie, it was scary at first because I didn't want anyone near me, but it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside :3

  • Counseling

I had to search hard for one, but it really helped me!! A lot, actually!! It feels amazing to get things out of your chest and not have people to judge!! 

  • Journaling

Can't or don't want to see a counselor? This is second best! Write down everything in your mind! Write down your good and bad days. When you have a bad day, look back at your good days and see how great you felt and you WILL feel like that again!

  • Biofeedback/Neurofeedback

Kind of hard to explain... I was actually introduced to this by my boyfriend after a panic attack during church. It is light and sound therapy. It is supposed to help get the really active part of the brain, less active and the less active part, more active. Many may think it is a scam. Well, I thought that at first too. I did not think this would help one bit. I thought it was ridiculous, but I gave it a shot. They mapped my brain and it was the worst that they have seen. Obviously things don't work right away, so I gave it some time. Honestly, it helped tremendously!! Everyone saw me different and most importantly I saw myself different!! I recently got mapped again and I approved a lot!! More than the other patients! It actually works!! Don't knock it 'till you try it ;)

  • Medication

At first, I didn't want medication. Didn't want anything to do with them. I really wanted this dp/dr gone, so I gave in. I had Buspirone at first, but it did't seem like it was working for me. Then I took Lexapro, and holy moly that stuff helped me a lot!! :D I have felt great!! 

  • NO MORE FORUMS

I know it is kind of a Go To kind of thing, but you really got to stop going on forums. so no forums, no Google, no Facebook groups. I know it is going to be tough, but you've read many things, I'm sure. How many times did these repeat? And looking at other peoples symptoms won't help. They will get you thinking that you have or will have them. I was a victim in this. I left this site, I left my Facebook group and lived my own life.

  • Focus on the here and now

No thinking of the past and not thinking of the future...clearly haha. But I would always do that..

 

At this moment I can't quite think of more things that helped me (because I am tired and it is late here xD) But if you have any questions or just want to talk, I am here for you :) I want to help you as much as I can! Please don't write anything negative that will lose hope for others, or hurt me. I am still a sensitive gal >.< So, I hope this helps. Talk to me if you want. And you will be in my prayers. You can do this, everyone! Don't give up! (pardon my nerdiness) I think of it as The Legend of Zelda. You are Link, the hero! DP/DR is Ganondorf. You have the triforce of courage, he has the triforce of power. He wants to steal that from you. Don't let him! Defeat him!! Hahaha xD Good luck guys!! You can do it!! I know you can!! <3 

 

 



#2 trey

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Posted 13 April 2015 - 07:26 PM

how do people still say not thinking about it will cure it, last few months ive maybe thought about it 4 times each day and barley more then a few seconds and i hardly have noticed a difference then when i upsessed over it. of course obsessing over it isnt helping, but just not thinking about it wont get rid of it.



#3 Cynthia94

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Posted 13 April 2015 - 07:47 PM

I never said it cures you, but it does help!! And it takes more than just not thinking about it. And of course it'll come from time to time, but that's why you do other things as well :)

#4 Tymmo222

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Posted 09 May 2015 - 10:02 PM

is everything that dp/dr has caused in you gone? you returned back to your full previous perception?



#5 bubniakz

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Posted 10 May 2015 - 05:54 AM

Do u have chronic 24/7 dp dr (by this i mean sudden transition from normal state of consciousness to stable/firm depersonalized consciousess experienced almost as identity alteration) or episodic form, where u have moments or days without dp dr with personality/identity/body feeling returns?



#6 Tymmo222

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Posted 10 May 2015 - 11:04 AM

I know you're not talking to me but maybe you can relate, mine is chronic, but I have seconds/minute long episodes where I don't really feel dp/dr but those moments seem unconscious, I don't remember how it felt when it's gone



#7 Cynthia94

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Posted 10 May 2015 - 12:16 PM

Tymmo222, Everything that dp/dr gave me is completely gone!! I no longer think of those horrific thoughts, I no longer feel disconnected. Everything is so beautiful!! You definitely appreciate it a lot more :)

Bubniakz when I first started dp/dr it was 24/7. I would stay in my room all day. I barely ate, I never went outside, I cried myself to sleep, it was just so bad. And months later I had moments where I would feel better, then get dp later. That turned to hours better, days better and so on. That's when I kept a journal. So when I feel bad, I can get hope from reading when I felt awesome!!

#8 Tymmo222

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Posted 10 May 2015 - 03:10 PM

All of the discomfort of the perceptions and your reflexes are back to what they were before? that's what I'm most worried about, I fear I will never be as ''athletic'' as I was, my vision is super slow to process things now, and my memory is awful as well.



#9 Cynthia94

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Posted 10 May 2015 - 03:52 PM

Yes!! They are all back to normal!! :D No need to worry!! You'll be val to your athletic state again ^_^ my vision and memory were both extremely horrible!! But I got them back as well!!! :3 everything will be okay!! Not to worry <3

#10 Tymmo222

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Posted 10 May 2015 - 04:09 PM

alright thank you so much for you kind words Cynthia :) <3
you made my worries lift 



#11 Cynthia94

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Posted 10 May 2015 - 06:29 PM

Of course!!! Glad to help!! I'm always here if you need to talk ^_^ <3

#12 Ningen

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Posted 10 May 2015 - 07:56 PM

Great post, I am always glad to hear recovery stories, however I disagree with the first sentence of your post.







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