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I don't know it any more, after 10 years dp/dr.


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#1 little star

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Posted 14 March 2015 - 07:25 PM

Hello everybody,

 

 

So, let me introduce myself. I'm a 36 years old lady (born in 1979) from the Netherlands. I hope my English is good to read ;) .

 

Let me tell my story. I hope it is not to long.

 

In my childhood I have social anxiety, but I don't know why... I have anxiety to go to the café (the bar), etc.

In 2004 I get dp/dr and it became chronic. In the period 2004-2008 I am going to different psychologists for CBT and I get a lot of pills. Pills like anti-depressants, anti-psychotics and pills like xanax.

But it all doesn't work  :(  . Then in 2008 all the psychologists told me that they couldn't help me any more :( . 

 

Then in 2008 I was going back to my doctor and he told me I have a B12 deficiency. So in 2008 I get B12 injections, but it doesn't work :( .

 

From 2008-2012 I get no therapie, because I was thinking it was the B12.

 

In 2012 I was going to a psychologist and he told me I have Asperger (ASS) and my social anxiety comes from the Asperger diagnose.

So after 10 years this psychologist told me what I have and he was right. But this psychologist cannot help me any more, strange...

 

So this is what I have, a summary:

Asperger --> a lot of isolation of myself, because of social anxiety. -->  In 2004 chronic dp/dr, because the isolation is a kind of 'trauma' for me. --> I get depressed of the dp/dr feelings --> Now it is 2015 and I still have chronic dp/dr...

So, now I have find this forum and I need some help. I am afraid that the dp/dr will not go away. I don't know what I have to do, to recover from this stupid disorder.

 

My psychologist say to me: 'You must not think about it..'

How can I not think about it, after 10 years dp/dr ???

 

I read on this forum that you must accept this... But how can I accept this stupid feelings... :wacko:  :( ???

 

I don't know it any more :( . HELP !
Thanks !


 

Kind regards and greetings from the Netherlands,

 

little star.



#2 Mar1982

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Posted 15 March 2015 - 10:46 AM

There are many many people who have recovered.  There are certain medications that can help for some people, also there are lots of tips that have helped people to feel better.  First of all, you are not alone!  There is a lot of support on here. Talk to Selig. He is very nice and helpful.



#3 little star

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Posted 16 March 2015 - 07:06 PM

Hey Mar1982,

 

 

Thanks al lot for your message !

It feels good to read your message !

 

 

also there are lots of tips that have helped people to feel better.

Thanks ! Hopefully I will find some tips on this forum, for example how I can accept this. This is so difficult for me.

On this forum, they said that you first must accept this, before you can recover. But I don't know how ???

 

 

  First of all, you are not alone! There is a lot of support on here.

It feels good to read this forum, so that I know I am not alone whit this disorder.

 

 

 Talk to Selig. He is very nice and helpful.

Thanks a lot for this tip !!! 

 

 

Greetings !



#4 little star

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Posted 16 March 2015 - 08:03 PM

Hello everyone,

 

 

I have a question:

- How can I accept this unreal feeling ?

 

Because every day I fight against this unreal feeling, I think.

I don't want to have this unreal feeling.

 

I am so unhappy at this moment, because of the unreal feeling...

 

 

 

Greetings !



#5 Mayer-Gross

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Posted 16 March 2015 - 08:11 PM

I don´t think it Aspergers. It is the social anxiety thing, the OCD self-obsession and the shot-down of the brain with dissociation the makes the resembles Aspergers.

 

Try this  

 

or this  http://anxietynomore.co.uk



#6 little star

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Posted 17 March 2015 - 07:18 PM

Hey Mayer-Gross,

 

 

Thank you so much for your help and support !

I am very happy with the support here of another sufferers of dp.

 

I have seen the youtube film. So what I have to do is:

- Forget about the past and try to live now. But that is diificult, because I have troubles with time-perception. I don't have the feeling that 'I have live now'.

- Not to think about the dream-living state you are in, but try to say the names of the things you are seeing around you. For example: you see a chair and you say to yourself: this is a chair. Something like this ???

  So you must try to attention on the outside world.

 

And yes, I also think it is my social anxiety. Sometimes I feel a little bit unsure when I am with other people...

 

Thanks a lot for the website 'anxietynomore' !!!

 

 

 

And another difficult thing is that I have fear of the unreal feeling... I think I am 'in the anxiety-circle' ... This is so a hard thing...

 

 

 

Greetings !



#7 AylaStar

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Posted 17 March 2015 - 11:08 PM

Hi Little Star! 

Welcome.  You've come to the right place.  I too have the whole time perception issue and share a lot of the same symptoms you've described.  What I suggest is to use this site as a tool.  For me, I didn't know what I had.  For around 20 years I have suffered on and off, sometimes intensely, sometimes functioning.  It wasn't until I had this last episode of intense panic that I was willing to do some research.  For me I had to come to believe that other people actually did have the same thing I did. I was obsessed with reading the forums on symptoms and peoples experience with DP/DR.  It made me feel like I wasn't alone.  Once I could take for granted that other people actually DID feel like me and have the same scary, debilitating experiences I started focusing on the recovery stories.  I highly recommend it.  There are so many resources to draw on these days.  It's hard to think that after suffering from something so long there actually could be an end in sight.  But there is! Try to find some optimism. It sounds like you're on the right track.  

Let me know if you need anything. :)



#8 little star

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 07:07 PM

Hey WillWin,

 

 

 

Thanks a lot for your message. It feels good to 'talk' (write things down) here, to feel not alone with this stupid disorder.

 

I too have the whole time perception issue

It is a scary thing, isn't it ? It feels so crazy, like you are not alive... :wacko: , like you are not here on earth...

 

and share a lot of the same symptoms you've described. 

Ah, oke. But that is not so funny, hey. But that means that you will understand me what I feel.

On this moment I am so looking for a solution for this kind of shit (sorry for the word). I don't know how to practice myself not to think about it ?

And how can I accept this ? They say that you first must accept it, before you can recover... fine... :wacko: .

 

What I suggest is to use this site as a tool.

Yes, here on this forum is a lot of information about this disorder.

 

For me, I didn't know what I had. For around 20 years I have suffered on and off, sometimes intensely, sometimes functioning. It wasn't until I had this last episode of intense panic that I was willing to do some research.

Oooo, my god, 20 years ! That's a long time. And you didn't know what you have...

I must say, I have the same story. So, I live 10 years with dp/dr and for me that's also a long time. So, I can not imagine that I have to live another 10 years with dp/dr :unsure: . But after 10 years a psychologist explains me what I have. After 10 years !!!

 

  It made me feel like I wasn't alone.

Yes, it is. It feels 'good' to read you can recover.

 

debilitating experiences I started focusing on the recovery stories. I highly recommend it.

Ooooo, I read the wrong stories here :P , I forgot the recovery stories, hihi. Maybe it is better to read the recovery stories after 10 years dp/dr...

But do you know how you can recover ? I don't know how I can do it... ???

 

It's hard to think that after suffering from something so long there actually could be an end in sight. 

Yes, it is soooo true what you say.  It is sooooo difficult for me to think positive... :wacko: .

 

But there is! Try to find some optimism.

I really hope so !!! And I think I must learn to think positive, but that is easy to say.

 

It sounds like you're on the right track. 

Thanks !!! But I have to research here on the forum how I can recover...

Jeee, not think about it... so that is not so easy after 10 years chronic dp/dr :wacko: .

The dp is sooooo scary feeling, I think I have to learn not to be afraid of the unreal feeling... So.... that is difficult :wacko: .

 

Let me know if you need anything. :) 

Thanks a lot :wub:  !!!!!!!

 

 

I think the most difficult things for me are the following:

1.   Not to be afraid of the unreal feeling. For me it is so difficult to stay busy, when I have this unreal feeling. Sometimes I want to stay in my bed, because of the unreal feeling... But I know that is not so good thing.

2.   Not to think about the unreal feeling. Is it possible after 10 years ? And for you 20 years... That must be heavy for you... :wacko: .

3.   Not to be afraid when I am with other people. Sometimes I am a little bit unsure...

4.   Accept it... How can I accept it ??? Must you accept the unreal feeling or 'the cause of the dp/dr' ???

 

 

 

Thanks !!!

 

 

Greetings from the Netherlands.



#9 AylaStar

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 08:59 PM

Everything in our minds and bodies thinks that if we "accept" it we are condoning it somehow and, even worse, that it might get even worse!  Or push us over the edge.  I know my DP/DR started with a lot of fear that I was going crazy.  If I OK'd it somehow I was afraid that I may never "come back" or get stuck. It has since transformed to physical medical anxiety and back to mental.

 

 But it was in the thick of an intense episode that I finally found an interesting way to get the power back.  When I was freaking the f*%k out I closed my eyes (which is hard to do when I'm having the anxiety/alien feelings) I took some deep, slow breaths (which is also triggering sometimes) and I switched my thinking.  I started paying attention to what was going on inside my body.  I imagined the anxiety and the horrible thoughts and feelings coursing up and down my body like a ball of energy.  I really felt the waves come up and down inside me, vibrating and reverberating through out my entire being.  Then, as I felt that TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY (still not accepting it, but TRYING to feel it as much as possible) I focused on it and looked at it as an energy. Not an unwanted energy, just something that was there that my body and mind were experiencing.  I tried looking at it from a view of just recognizing that it was there and my body was feeling these horrible sensations. Then I told myself 5 important words, "My body can handle it".

 

 I began to recognize that no matter how bad and intense the feelings were, that they weren't able to shoot out of me or actually do any damage.  At this point, I did the scariest thing imaginable, I asked it to get bigger.  I told the feelings to grow and try to be stronger. And a funny thing happened.  It couldn't The moment I was ready to embrace an even bigger wave of feeling was the moment I realized that it already was giving me it's best. It was already trying as hard as it could and it couldn't get worse.  In asking for more, I took the power back.  Kind of how when you stop letting a bully effect you. Not being able to actually get "bigger" it gets confused and doesn't know how else to hurt.  

 

There is a video on YouTube that taught me this technique.  I've been using it when I get real bad anxiety, which has been less and less since I've started this practice.  I still have anxiety and DP/DR, but it was through the depths of the pain from it that I was able to make a breakthrough.  I was having an episode and I faced it head-on for the first time.  I actually FELT myself working through something.  This and a few other recent experiences has really helped me with my optimism. It's funny, because I am going through the HARDEST most effed up episode, but I have more hope than I've ever felt.  

 

I know now, from this experience that there IS a way to work through stuff.  Before, I always wanted to but didn't know how.  Like with most things we have to hit a bottom and then become open-minded and willing.  So many people say "yeah, but..."  instead of taking suggestion.  We are all in this together and all we can do is share our experiences and hope that since they worked for us, someone can absorb and apply them wholeheartedly and have a similar experience.  I'll look for the link to the Anxiety Attack relief thing I mentioned.  

 

Don't worry about the acceptance yet, that will come, just focus on the actions.  Eating right, sleeping well, surrounding yourself with healthy, good people, refraining from drugs/alcohol, and finding support/therapy.  When it hits you hard, instead of reacting, try sitting with it.  Get still and allow yourself to feel the horrible, painful feelings.  You will be surprised with how strong you are and what your body and mind can handle.  No permanent damage is being done.  You are recovering. :) 



#10 AylaStar

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 09:04 PM

Here's the link.  It didn't work for me the first time actually. I can be very skeptical, especially when there's something that seems too simple to help my very big problem. It wasn't until the next morning when I woke up with an anxiety attack that I remembered what it said and tried it.  When it worked I looked it back up and re-watched it and got more out of it.  Remember, simple doesn't mean easy.



#11 AylaStar

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Posted 19 March 2015 - 09:14 PM

I should explain that I believe DP/DR to be a (HUGE, debilitating, all encompassing, intense, and dysfunctional) symptom of anxiety/PTSD.  Hence why we need to feel our way through these feelings instead of just pushing them away, which, in effect, is what DP/DR is trying to do for us.  Also, if you are not in a safe place where you feel like you can do this, distract, distract, distract.  

Do not focus or feed the negative thoughts or even try to explore them.  Part of our healing process is to change our perceptions AND how we think.  The more we ruminate on DP/DR the more the chemicals in our heads think that that is how we want to deal with them.  We have to consciously motivate ourselves to focus on something else (something positive hopefully) like video games, a book, music, movies, a conversation with someone, the internet, the chat room here, ANYTHING.

 Keep in mind we are NOT trying to push the negative thoughts away.  That never works.  Just start thinking about something else and they automatically dissipate on their own.  Trying to control them or make them disappear gives them more power than they're worth and leads nowhere but to pain and focusing on them even more.  Everything in us is hard-wired to wanting to stay focused on them.  EVERYTHING tells us that we can't focus on something else, but we CAN. And each time we do it becomes easier and easier.  Each time we practice this we are retraining our minds.  There is a time and a place to access the negative and we must do so, but in a safe, positive way. 

Let me know how it works for you!  We can practice this together. :)



#12 little star

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Posted 25 March 2015 - 07:19 PM

Hey AylaStar,

 

 

 

First of all, sorry that I was a litte bit late with my response. But I have some depressed days, because of the unreal feelings.

 

And thank you so much for your long explanation !!!

Hihi, you have changed your name from Willwin into AylaStar. That's a nice name.

 

 

 

 

I began to recognize that no matter how bad and intense the feelings were, that they weren't able to shoot out of me or actually do any damage.

Yes, I know it is true. The feelings doesn't any damage. But I am often so tired, because of the unreal feeling...

 

 

 

I still have anxiety and DP/DR, but it was through the depths of the pain from it that I was able to make a breakthrough. I was having an episode and I faced it head-on for the first time. I actually FELT myself working through something.

Wooow, that is clever of you...

 

 

 

I know now, from this experience that there IS a way to work through stuff. Before, I always wanted to but didn't know how.

So I am... I am also researching how to beat this unreal feeling / anxiety ....

 

 

 

Like with most things we have to hit a bottom and then become open-minded and willing.

You have said that right ;) .

 

 

 

Don't worry about the acceptance yet, that will come, just focus on the actions.

Oké, but sometimes I doubt if distractions helps me in the future not to feeling unreal.

 

 

 

When it hits you hard, instead of reacting, try sitting with it. Get still and allow yourself to feel the horrible, painful feelings. You will be surprised with how strong you are and what your body and mind can handle.

Okeeeeeee.... So, the best thing I can do is sitting down and let the fear comes over me...

 

Thanks a lot for the video !!!

So you must travel through the anxiety to be fully free of it... So you must trying to letting be the anxiety over you... And you demand for more anxiety.... It sounds a little bit strange...

But when you don't beating the fear, the fear will decrease... Something like this ???

 

 

 

I should explain that I believe DP/DR to be a (HUGE, debilitating, all encompassing, intense, and dysfunctional) symptom of anxiety/PTSD.

Yes, I understand. After a lot of years I know that this unreal feeling is a symptom of anxiety or a trauma.

 

 

 

Do not focus or feed the negative thoughts or even try to explore them.

I also have to learn to think positive... I have a lot of negative thoughts... :( .

 

 

 

Part of our healing process is to change our perceptions AND how we think.

Sooo, yeah, but it is so difficult to change our mind about depersonalisation. I have tried a lot of therapies, but it doesn't help...

I hope I can learn from you ;) .

 

 

 

We have to consciously motivate ourselves to focus on something else (something positive hopefully) like video games, a book, music, movies, a conversation with someone, the internet, the chat room here, ANYTHING.

When I am trying to distract myself, the depersonalisation is still there... :( ... So, this is so difficult for me, to believe in this distraction. But maybe I have still social anxiety and therefore I have still depersonalisation... ???

Now I am playing Candy Crush, hihi. Maybe this will help with the distraction, hihi.

 

You said: "Keep in mind we are NOT trying to push the negative thoughts away. That never works."

Oke, I understand. It is strange, but a psychologist said to me, that when I am trying NOT tho think about a pink elephant... you must THINK about a pink elephant. So, thus you must not try, not to think about depersonalisation / negative thoughts.

 

Yes, I understand. It feels impossible to focus on something else with the depersonalisation.

When I am thinking, that I think of something else, I still have depersonalisation... Can you still follow me :P :D ;) ?

It is so difficult to trying thinking of something else, when I am thinking it doesn't work to get out of the depersonalisation... :wacko: .

 

I hope you can support me ;) .

 

Thanks a lot !!!

 

 

 

Greeting from little star, from The Netherlands.






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