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How do people accept things that ruin their lives?

4K views 36 replies 17 participants last post by  *Dreamer* 
#1 ·
It can be anything, having DP/DR, having no legs, for me it's my face. How is it possible to delude oneself into being at peace with such a catastrophic situation, knowing how much better your life would be if it wasn't the case that you had this problem?

It's like I finally see through the lies society tells itself every day

"Fat is beautiful"

"Plenty of things worse than being ugly"

"It's about what's inside that counts"

"Confidence matters"

"Plenty of happy ugly people"

"Money doesn't make you happier"

etc etc etc. It's the sheer level of delusion that people use at any cost to try and deal with the pain and anguish of life. Why can't people just be fucking honest? Perhaps if people were honest society wouldn't function because everyone would be depressed. I feel absolute nihilism about life now and I really think I'm awake to these things. Life is inherently futile if you aren't in the top 10%.
 
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#3 ·
We live in a totally brainwashed and deluded society. Just turn on the tv and watch the news, and tell me we're not be saturated in fear.. A person in fear is like a puppet.

Famous quote from an ex US politician.. "when you've got 'em by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow".

You're beginning to see the truth, and I think one of the amazing things about dissociative people is, we have the ability to see through the lies.

You don't have to believe the lies… just b/c everyone else does.. doesn't mean YOU have too.

Pave your own way in this world built on truth, integrity, kindness, compassion, art and love… :)
 
#5 ·
Best part is I thorougly believe all of that and I'm a hell of a lot happier for it.

I highly value things beyond appearances and wealth.

I've seen plenty of happy ugly people

I've had plenty of people enjoy my fatness and found plenty of attractive fat people

I can think of hundreds of things worse than being ugly

I would much rather be friends with a person whos good on the inside then a shallow douche who only looks good

Confidence dose matter a goddamn lot, there are a lot of famous and poweful people who wouldn't be where they are if they weren't confident

Money dose make people happier, but you can always be happy with however much you have

Rememeber, people always find what they look for.

If you seek misery, don't be surprised if all you find is misery.

Life is all about persepective.
 
#6 ·
When r u ever going to get over ur face....life is not about how u look if that's how u feel then u r a very shallow person indeed.

Having a personality is much better then having the greatest looks in the world. People have always told me I'm attractive but u know what I'd rather have a strong sense of self, willpower and a great personality over fabulous looks anyday!

All people see when they look at me is my fuking looks and I'm 110% over it???I wud rather people see me for me and who I am then my silly ass looks???I'd rather respect for who I am then compliments for stupid looks
 
#7 ·
When r u ever going to get over ur face....life is not about how u look if that's how u feel then u r a very shallow person indeed.

Having a personality is much better then having the greatest looks in the world. People have always told me I'm attractive but u know what I'd rather have a strong sense of self, willpower and a great personality over fabulous looks anyday!

All people see when they look at me is my fuking looks and I'm 110% over it???I wud rather people see me for me and who I am then my silly ass looks???I'd rather respect for who I am then compliments for stupid looks
I dont know if i'll ever 'get over it'. I had a bad asymmetric growth pattern throughout puberty, so i have a short maxilla and mandible and quite bad facial asymmetry, when probablly 80% of the general population in my age group do not have jaw deficiencies, yet I got stuck with it, even though I'm a good person and have never done wrong by anyone.

The operation to correct this is double jaw surgery with genioplasty and its in the region of 15 THOUSAND pounds.... where the fukk is the fairness? I have to pay to get a deformity corrected that was thrust onto me for no fking reason. fking makes no sense that I should have had to suffer like this!

Also, everything is about looks. I've seen your pictures, you can't even fathom the power you hold as an attractive woman. The social power someone can hold based on looks is an extremely serious thing.
 
#8 ·
I agree that looks mean a lot to people and anyone who thinks that good looking people don't have certain advantages are in denial. It's infuriating if you think about it too much, but there is so much more to life. It's just another example of how unfair life is- but it's not as unfair as it seems if we learn to love ourselves and begin to change our perspective.

I don't know you, but I know that you are not giving yourself enough credit if you are comparing yourself to any standard that is not of your own decision. In that regard, we all need to think more for ourselves.

Do you think you could be punishing yourself in some way when comparing yourself to others?
 
#9 ·
I agree that looks mean a lot to people and anyone who thinks that good looking people don't have certain advantages are in denial. It's infuriating if you think about it too much, but there is so much more to life. It's just another example of how unfair life is- but it's not as unfair as it seems if we learn to love ourselves and begin to change our perspective.

I don't know you, but I know that you are not giving yourself enough credit if you are comparing yourself to any standard that is not of your own decision. In that regard, we all need to think more for ourselves.

Do you think you could be punishing yourself in some way when comparing yourself to others?
I know the truth about looks and that is haunting me. I no longer even try and speak with attractive people, either male or female, because I know I offer no value to them, and thats the truth. Looks are absolutely everything, people would just rather not admit defeat and keep hoping, ah well.
 
#10 ·
It rlly does sound like u have body dysmporphic disorder.....this is serious stuff.

Focusing on ur looks is not going to solve the deeper issues where u feel absolutely ashamed of urself as I said before looks don't give anyone an advantage ...perhaps for dating but even still u have to have a strong personality in order to maintain a relationship..I tend to date someone and then I leave them coz I'm afraid of being rejected or abandoned.

U seriously need help can't u go and see someone about this problem ...ur never going to get over dp without dealing with this.

The social power u can hold based on looks? Are u kidding ...that must be a joke....ur rlly very shallow midnight
 
#12 ·
I know the truth about looks and that is haunting me. I no longer even try and speak with attractive people, either male or female, because I know I offer no value to them, and thats the truth. Looks are absolutely everything, people would just rather not admit defeat and keep hoping, ah well.
You obviously don't value yourself at all, not one bit and you're in this mindset of almost apologising for your face and your existence. Most people do not give a shit what you look like as long as you don't smell. They don't care how symmetrical your face is or how fucked up your short maxilla and mandible are, that's coming from you not them.

Not everything is about looks but everything is about looks to you.

That face is the only one you will ever have, ugly or not. You want to be accepting of it but do you really think this whole looks are everything, no one attractive likes me, self pity thing is going to help you?. There are plenty of other things that define you as a person and make you likeable other than your face, like not being so completely negative and defeatist.

Being attractive is not all it's cracked up to be either, especially if you're a woman. In all honesty the only thing it's good for is if you want to get laid.
 
#13 ·
I wonder would anybody who is trying to tell Midnight to accept his condition swap places with him....I doubt it...

Unfortunately most people are very shallow and looks can be everything when it comes to getting by in life...

I believe if you have good looks you are at an advantage in life because people are more accepting of you (Especially girls)...Its shallow but true unfortunately...

Midnight I would get on to the NHS and see what they can do for ya....Girls are getting boob jobs done on the NHS all the time claiming they need the surgery because of their so called emotional problems and insecurity issues...What a load of crap!!!!

The NHS may just help you!

I have deformed little toes and wont expose my feet in public because of it...I cant even begin to imagine what its like to have a facial deformity...I totally agree with you when you say its practically impossible to accept and come to terms with such issues about ourselves....All the people on here with DP are prime examples of this!

The two things in life that society has decided are a must to succeed in life are LOOKS and MONEY...

Unfortunately most average people dont have much of either and so dont tend to get by in life as well as others who are either wealthy or beautiful or both...Did ya ever stop to think that most wealthy people are beautiful and most beautiful people are wealthy...They go hand in hand!

Societies standards are seriously flawed!
 
#15 ·
OK, that's fine- who truly understands another persons plight? I think you have gotten all different types of responses here; some of them downright harsh; but ultimately the question you need to answer for yourself is what are you going to do for yourself?

Was the point of this post just to have people feel sorry for you, or do you want to make a change and start living. I hope you find a proactive way to make your life better. I didn't have your problem but during my teen years I was riddled with warts. It was horrible, and I thought no one would ever find me attractive because of it. Even when girls liked me, I thought less of them for finding me attractive despite it- I was very ashamed. I even had one under my nose, that made it look like I had perpetual snot crusting at the bottom of my nose. My friends would make fun of me for it, and I went with it.

I used medicine for it, and it didn't do anything. I started using scissors and cutting the ones I could off. When I went to a new school, I was so afraid of people making fun of me, that spent 30 minutes in the mirror cutting it as close to the skin as I could. Then the weirdest thing happened, and they all went away. A few years later, I did develop one under my ring finger, and in my dp/dr'd state I interpreted it as not being good enough to be married ("who would want to put a ring on that ugly finger"). Thankfully, I took medication for it, and this time it worked.

It's all stupid shit! I have seen some ugly ass people with attractive people. Clearly, not everyone thinks looks are everything. There are people who are looking for the right person. My girlfriend has an underbite, and plans to have surgery for it eventually. It does effect her looks, but she is still attractive to me regardless.
 
#16 ·
OK, that's fine- who truly understands another persons plight? I think you have gotten all different types of responses here; some of them downright harsh; but ultimately the question you need to answer for yourself is what are you going to do for yourself?

Was the point of this post just to have people feel sorry for you, or do you want to make a change and start living. I hope you find a proactive way to make your life better. I didn't have your problem but during my teen years I was riddled with warts. It was horrible, and I thought no one would ever find me attractive because of it. Even when girls liked me, I thought less of them for finding me attractive despite it- I was very ashamed. I even had one under my nose, that made it look like I had perpetual snot crusting at the bottom of my nose. My friends would make fun of me for it, and I went with it.

I used medicine for it, and it didn't do anything. I started using scissors and cutting the ones I could off. When I went to a new school, I was so afraid of people making fun of me, that spent 30 minutes in the mirror cutting it as close to the skin as I could. Then the weirdest thing happened, and they all went away. A few years later, I did develop one under my ring finger, and in my dp/dr'd state I interpreted it as not being good enough to be married ("who would want to put a ring on that ugly finger"). Thankfully, I took medication for it, and this time it worked.

It's all stupid shit! I have seen some ugly ass people with attractive people. Clearly, not everyone thinks looks are everything. There are people who are looking for the right person. My girlfriend has an underbite, and plans to have surgery for it eventually. It does effect her looks, but she is still attractive to me regardless.
There is no way for me to have a normal life by the looks of it.

I am unable to get past this mental barrier. Atleast you have a girlfriend, I would give anything for some companionship to ease the struggles of daily life. I'm so depressed, i dont know how people arent suicidal without sex and love.
 
#17 ·
I wonder would anybody who is trying to tell Midnight to accept his condition swap places with him....I doubt it...

Unfortunately most people are very shallow and looks can be everything when it comes to getting by in life...

I believe if you have good looks you are at an advantage in life because people are more accepting of you (Especially girls)...Its shallow but true unfortunately...

Midnight I would get on to the NHS and see what they can do for ya....Girls are getting boob jobs done on the NHS all the time claiming they need the surgery because of their so called emotional problems and insecurity issues...What a load of crap!!!!

The NHS may just help you!

I have deformed little toes and wont expose my feet in public because of it...I cant even begin to imagine what its like to have a facial deformity...I totally agree with you when you say its practically impossible to accept and come to terms with such issues about ourselves....All the people on here with DP are prime examples of this!

The two things in life that society has decided are a must to succeed in life are LOOKS and MONEY...

Unfortunately most average people dont have much of either and so dont tend to get by in life as well as others who are either wealthy or beautiful or both...Did ya ever stop to think that most wealthy people are beautiful and most beautiful people are wealthy...They go hand in hand!

Societies standards are seriously flawed!
Because we've never seen unattractive wealthy people or poor attractive people.

Behold the mighty grip of CONFIRMATION BIAS!!!
 
#19 ·
I have an asymmetrical face as well. I wonder if having one makes people more prone to DPD... It may be a stretch but maybe people with DPD are more day dreamy because the right side of the brain is larger or something... Probs unrelated. Also I agree that self esteem is more important than good looks so I've been working on getting more self esteem.
 
#20 ·
I have an asymmetrical face as well. I wonder if having one makes people more prone to DPD... It may be a stretch but maybe people with DPD are more day dreamy because the right side of the brain is larger or something... Probs unrelated. Also I agree that self esteem is more important than good looks so I've been working on getting more self esteem.
I think it's totally unrelated.

Also self-esteem is largely irrelevant if you are attractive. Sure, you need a baseline amount just to function properly in life and to meet challenges, but in terms of attractiveness it's almost totally visual, a good personality is just a bonus.

You already look attractive so I wouldn't worry about it.
 
#22 ·
Eddy gets it. I'm 23 which should be the prime of my life but Im practically a virgin, dp Dr has just cemented the issue. I don't understand how any of you can truly believe that looks don't matter. I wouldn't be suicidal if that was the case
.... Really? Why don't you just join a gym and start working out?
 
#26 ·
Your feelings are not your reality. DP makes you say things, think things, hear things, see things- and you FEEL they are all true.. That doesn't mean they are.... Same goes for yor supposed flaws in appearance... Be appreciative. This thread is just... Wow... Some people can't even leave their homes because of this disorder.. Some people have contemplated and probably succeeded in suicide... I wish that for even a moment of my day, I could worry about something as superficial as my looks. I have a large cyst on the side of my face, and I would grow a dozen more if I could trade it for some relief of DP/DR... I would grow a hump on my back, to go back to believing other people are real. I would gain a thousand pounds if I could trade that for my mental health.. I would do anything, be anything, trade anything- to be able to remember my life as my own, and not feel like it happened to someone else.. To see my wonderful parents as familiar rather than unfamiliar.. just wow.. Be grateful.
 
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