42 replies to this topic

[nuncle]

@ JJ123D - I am preparing a longer response to your question, so will answer shortly.

 

@ terrances:

Yes, I can relate to what you are saying as i experienced that feeling as well. I would tell my parents that I still didn't feel well at certain points during my recovery and they would say something to the effect of "But I saw you earlier and you were smiling and laughing." I would reply that yes, I feel that I was doing those things, but somehow the emotional vibrancy of those actions was watered down. The reconnection that you speak does not mean that you have actually severed your 'self' from your 'actions/emotions/thoughts.' Truly, I believe as a result of my own recovery experience that this sense of dissociation is a function of the overwhelming stress and anxiety of our mind and body. As I worked towards being healthier and healthier, and my anxiety levels dropped, and my adrenals had time to recover, these symptoms began to fade away and I felt more 'embodied.' 

[nuncle]

@ Jb3083:

 

I am sorry for what you are experiencing. I can relate to every word of it. I felt both a prisoner to my mind and body and battled with severe hopelessness. At a certain point I made it a commitment to start reading recovery stories on this forum and distill some of the common elements to put into my recovery plan. I suggest using others recovery stories to further your sense of hope of recovery. Hope begins the process of recovery because without it is difficult to summon the willpower and energy to try to make changes that will assist our recovery. Also, hope isn't a light switch that suddenly turns on...you must exercise hope through others recovery stories (dp/dr or other unrelated health challenges people face) or through other vehicles such as faith/prayer etc. 

 

Regarding, "I am willing to try anything to make this go away." Excellent! But, I must warn you from my own experience that it is 'dangerous' to look for fast cures. I don't think they exist. I believe that whatever caused the severe anxiety/panic/fear etc. that triggered the dp/dr has caused systematic stress to the mind and body. There is no cure for that. Treat the whole system. You must make a plan to put the mind and body back into a state of health so that the healing process can naturally occur. I wish you the best during your recovery process.

[nuncle]

So you're saying that we don't accept this as our new reality and try to move on with life?
I keep forgetting the conclusion I got to. Can you like summarize the healing process with a sentence or two? I know you talked about holding a healthier lifestyle. I remember that I wasn't stressed at all for 6 months and I loved not using my mind anymore in vacation mode when I was trying to become mind and ego free. The stress started when I realized what I have done to my mind and that I needed to be myself again to get on with my life. So how do I move towards healing without accepting where I reached and developing my mind all over again...

 

• One of the traps I fell into was believing that my new perceptual change from dp/dr was actually seeing into a new reality, i.e. I have seen that there is no self and I have to accept this new realization. Again, this is not true. You are not seeing reality as it is, but you are experiencing what perception is like under conditions of extreme mental and physical stress. Your thoughts/perceptions are not 'reality.' Acknowledge they are occurring from stressed conditions and don't give them existential credence. These thoughts lie.
• Do normal things. Push yourself to do activities and others things that you would normally do, but are shying away from because of your discomfort. Try to immerse yourself back in things that interested you before and set new goals for yourself.
• For the time being, considering giving up your spiritual inquiry into the nature of the ego/self. You will try to seek reality in what you are experiencing from dp/dr, which will prevent you from acknowledging that the dp/dr symptoms are just products of a stressed system. I too have very spiritual/philosophical interests and the existential nature of dp/dr was excruciating. Ultimately, prior to my episode, I deeply wanted to know the nature of the self/ego and to some extent my practices were removing me from the process of life...trying to escape its stresses and responsibilities. After DP/DR, I realized I wanted to EXPERIENCE life, I didn't want to remove myself from it, b/c as DP/DR teaches us, feeling disconnected with life is misery. I wanted to deeply touch life through its ups and downs. Instead of trying to rid the ego/mind, consider moving your spirituality towards a more mindfulness based approach (which has been shown to help with a number of conditions like anxiety/depression etc.) I recommend reading the book 'mindfulness in plain english' and establish a practice of mindfully watching the breath. It calmed my mind and reduced extraneous thoughts associated with DP/DR.
• Put together a plan to heal your mind and body through nutrition and exercise. This is probably the most important of all my suggestions and was the most important for me
• Consider seeing someone who has treated dp/dr from a more allopathic standpoint. Medication does help some people get their head above water, but from my experience you still need these other approaches to fully recover.

 

 

So in Summary:

• Deny existential credence to your thoughts/feelings/emotions from dp/dr. Remind yourself they are symptoms of a stressed system
• Do normal things. Re-engage yourself in things that used to interest you prior to dp/dr
• Give up the ego/self inquiry for the time being - shift your spirituality to a more mindfulness based practice (concentrative meditation - fixating on an object of perception like the breath)
• Make a plan to get healthy and follow it - given some of the ways I have mentioned in my post (this was the most important aspect of my recovery). Also, changes happen slowly, so make sure you stick with your health plan.
• Consider speaking with a specialist who has treated dp/dr before with medication. You don't need to take anything if you don't want to, but you might find you want to also explore this route

[nuncle]

Great post. I first experienced EXTREME depersonalization/derealization caused by marijuana back in October. First time smoking, and I smoked way too much at once. It was such a quick, thoughtless action. I never would've thought something so horrible could happen from smoking weed....(Truncated Post)

 

 

Glassjawx,

 

After reading your post I feel that I am hearing my own story. All the symptoms from the most extreme phase to the in between 'limbo' phase as you eloquently described it. There were in a way stages to my own recovery. I remember when I was going through the limbo phase as you describe it and even had the strange dream sensation and when I closed my eyes strange thoughts and perceptions seemed to 'swirl.' During this phase for me, my dreams were panic ridden. I don't think I would remember the contents, but I would wake up in the middle of the night with sheer panic. When I was having trouble with my sleep and my weight (from not sleeping/eating) I took Remeron, which can help induce appetite and make you tired. Regarding thoughts of suicide - this is hard for me to admit, but I also had those thoughts. It's not that I hated my life, I was just suffering so extremely. I felt day after day like there was no escape from the pain. It wasn't until I decided that I was going to have to do everything that I could to become healthier to help my body heal that things slowly started to change.

 

You have come through the worst, but are still in a place that is, as I called it - "not sustainable." i.e. I couldn't live my life forever in this 'limbo phase'; it was still too painful. Commit yourself to a plan to treat the underlying symptoms of anxiety that perpetuate the cycle of symptoms associated with dp/dr. Nutrition and exercise are KEY. Moreover, Juicing (vegetables) is probably the best thing you can do to inject your body with the nutrients that it needs to heal. Regarding nutrition and its effect on the body, I classify 3 different types of eating. 1) Degenerative (i.e. standard american diet) 2) Maintenance (eating basically what your body needs) 3) Healing - giving your body an abundance of what it needs to maintain normal functions, heal, and increase its vibrancy. You want to operate in the healing category, which should involve juicing, lots of fruits and veggies, decreasing intake of refined/synthetic foods. Start incorporating these healthy activities into your life and I believe that you will start to recover. It will take time, but it is the best thing that you can do for yourself. Please let me know if you have any more questions and I will try to help.

[JJ123D]

Thanks nuncle. I'm definetely trying to lead a healthier life.

 

In summary what happening to me is this:

 

Feeling a deep feeling of joy inside of me (what they call the feeling of being in the NOW, free of ego - like right now Im feeling like that) - Then returning to my weak new reality that I tried to construct AFTER DP (after feeling joy for a long time then realizing that I emptied who I am) - Noticing that It's a fucked up reality, and that it's not MY REAL strong reality (It's a reality mixed with symptoms of dp/dr like you said) - Then returning to that joyful place (which I think is not the thing to do right now, but it's so tempting like forgetting about everything and feeling that deep joy "the now" again, but I know it's fucked up by now).

 

Every time I try to move forward, I notice that okay I'm no longer feeling DP/DR maybe, but ALSO I'm not feeling like myself, I feel like a person who barely remembers who he is, put in a new environment and learning things all over again, shaping a new memory and new experiences. Really this is the most important point or obstacle I'm facing: I feel that I'm no longer in like DP DR, but I feel that I have shaping a TOTALLY NEW PERSPECTIVE or personality, that I will be slowly stuck in, until I stop noticing that I changed or that I have any problems; dp dr will be gone but I will become this weak person (it's weak for me, but it's normal for other people, bcz a lot of people are not that confident socially and dont have a strong identity, but i wsnt like this..). I just wanted to make sure you got that point I'm facing. Thanks again.

[CorbinTalbot]

I hope i'm next man, well done though, live well <3

[s1ayer24]

Please help me i'm 14 i've had this since i was 12 ever since i smoked pot. Please help

[tikobird]

I have a book about DP where it specifies doing mindful meditation. It does work on anxiety, and depression. It also goes into acceptance therapy. I may never "get rid" of DP but by learning not to focus on symptoms I can lead a good life.

[ginni]

thanks for sharing

[Dillweed]

thanks, will take all this into account. Go on with your life and never look back <3

[Soul Of Coral]

I made an account here specifically so that I could tell you thank you so much for sharing.

I loved that you distracted yourself by playing Starcraft II! I actually started playing the first Starcraft when my DP/DR started

I've been dealing with my symptoms for a little over two years, and while I've had (and still have) my ups and downs, I'm in a much better place than I was when it first started. Just reading that you've recovered and that you feel yourself and that you didn't change into a totally different person (as I sometimes fear) gives me so much hope and comfort. I once came across a thread on some other website that claimed that DP/DR is for life and that accepting that fact was the only way to live. I spiraled pretty hard after reading that! But again, I'm in a better place and I look back at your post whenever I'm feeling a li'l down and it helps so much. Thanks so much again, you're really helping me out.

[Asha]

Hi wassup. I had seen ur article and most of  the symptoms of my disease match with yours. I am happy to hear about your recovery as i know it is very difficult to tolerate this situation. I want to know : do the symptoms of dp fade away with time. Please help me if u can. I hope you understand my problem. Thank you. Best of luck for the coming years.