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Apathy content numb

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#1 Disco



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Posted 18 July 2013 - 07:52 PM



My name is Disco (short for Disconnect)


I'm not really sure if this is the right place for me. As you see from this topic's tags, I would classify myself, in general, as "apathetic", "content", and sometimes "numb".


I went through the "Relate to these symptoms" threads and my relation to some of them:



-I spend most of my time lying on my bed; I could sleep due to general inactivity, laziness and fatigue, but I don't. Oddly enough, I, at times, use an exercise machine but my efforts are usually easy come, easy go.

-I don't usually feel anything concerning my body. I usually find any sort of discomfort or pain a peculiar experience not because I have a high pain threshold but because I don't feel much.

-I VERY MUCH startle easily, especially to loud noises or slight motions. I love dim-lit places and I have an air-purifier for lovely white noise. I cannot stand silence as then I come even more hypersensitive to sound. As for visuals, for example, I could not have a cat who creeps around the house.

-Even though I wear glasses my eyes are very bad. Things easily seem double and sorta translucent/see-through at the edges and my fairly bad lack of depth perception make things look rather flat and "edgy" and almost like a cartoon. (I could close one eye and little if anything changes) (This is more a physical thing than "thinking" things are wrong, I think?)



-This would be the reason why I considered joining. Most of the time I'm non-emotional and logical apathetic to most things. It's not so much that I feel my emotions are wrong; it's that I feel I should have more emotions.

-Emotionally, I'm usually blunted or numb, I suppose. However, this doesn't mean I don't enjoy my hobbies. I virtually always have a good laugh everyday and I have been known for my smiling but still, for the most part, I would characterise myself as apathetic and emotionally disconnected.

-I don't have any of those fears and, frankly, I would consider having those fears progress; at least I'd feel something. I do get anxious in open and social, and bright and loud places, but I would reason that more to my introversion and liking laid-back peaceful environments.



-My mind is basically like the Doldrums: low-pressure and calm/content. I would think of myself a content person and even "happy" but this is due to not really caring about things and being able to avoid things that would otherwise upset me.

-As for thoughts, I personally no reason to be change anything actually. Because, even in theory, if everything's alright and one has chosen that life and judges everything to be alright - then why change?... I do understand that things might be better given some changes, but, things are good the way they are.

-I'm not autistic or obsessive or anything but I can be extremely detail-oriented. For most things, if I wanted to, could analyse it "to death" and "ad nauseum"

-I'm very self-centred. I really don't care too much about other people for extended periods of time. I might comment on it but it doesn't effect on a personal level in particular. In that regard, I'm can be very callous and cold.



-"Feeling like things are unreal or dreamlike" That's sometimes true. As if my eyes are merely watching a movie and my actions are reflective or instinctive. No actual consciousness or passion. Cruise-control.

-However, such feelings of dreaminess or unrealness are not standard mood states. I probably feel them more than the "average person" but, again, my standard mood is that there is no mood.

-Actually, in that regard, I might have some frustration in trying to feel certain moods. I know that some things should make me sad, angry, happy, or scared but nothing happens.



-I am kinda insomniac, but I know this is due to my very bad sleeping patterns.

-I love to dream. I used to be somewhat addicted to sleeping because it would help me dream. In a way, I was living my life through my sleep. It wasn't lucid dreaming or any sort of recurring dream, but for about a few years, dreaming was more real to me than being awake.





Overall, emotionally, physically, mentally, etc., I am alone in solitude. I'm not lonely but there's usually the curiosity/annoyance that I should care/"feel more alive" than I normally do.... Oddly enough, and this might be self-importance, but some people might want to achieve my "f-ck it all" attitude of "not giving a sh-t" but I don't know? Ironically, the main thing I'm not content about is my own contentment.




Thanks for reading and hopefully from any of the responses I'll see if this is the place for me. (I would have joined an apathy forum, but the apathetics don't care enough to make one, lol)


#2 Disco



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Posted 28 July 2013 - 03:10 AM

Sorry about bumping, but is this the right place for me?


There are views so I know this has at least been partially read (I suppose?)... does anyone have any insight if I could relate to this place and its members?

#3 D'annie


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Posted 09 August 2013 - 01:40 PM

this is exactly how  i feel

Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: Apathy, content, numb

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