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Question for FEARLESS?

10K views 131 replies 20 participants last post by  ThystaBoy 
#1 ·
Hi, Fearless, Are you telling me every single person who gets dp has a poor child upbringing? Or has been abused in some way?

I am not sure about this, regardless of what happened int he past we cannot change, all we have is now..so how can we possiblly develope a secure base?

The only way I can see developing a secure base, is changing the now, and our belief systems through CBT, and doing things which help our self esteem, etc
 
#3 ·
From my own RESPONSIBLITY in life and incorrect thinking styles.

I am not saying dp is not caused by upbringing, But not every person who has dp has suffered child abuse or any attachment styles.

Some people have been spoon fed most of there life, some people are more sensitive, some peoples thinking styles are incorrect,

EXAMPLE How about a women who has a perfect upbringing, with the best parents, but she also indepedant, she has good thinking styles. she has been taught from a young age who to handle life etc...But then she gets raped? her whole sense of self is ruptured? and then develops dp? how is that related to childhood?

dp can be related to child problems, but not all of it.

To say all dp is related to child hood is ignorant, and there are a lot fo people on here who had great childhoods yet, fuck up along the way, either, jobs, money, stress, LIFE, work, relationships, constant stress is known to cause depression, constant depression= constant anxiety=dp
 
#4 ·
Hey, I am just asking, I am just ring to start a conversation with peoples views.

I mean everyone has there ideas, and I think in terms of child abuse or neglect, you are 100 on the button fearless.

But that does not mean everyone who has dp has had child hood issue's.

I consider my self to have had a stable upbringing other than the fact, I was spoilt only child
 
#5 · (Edited by Moderator)
ok, but how do you defined normal? normal can mean anything? its only rules we and our parents adopted from years of indoctrination from society, tv, people, goverments etc

There really is no such thing as normal, normal is what most people who have been indoctrinted into a belief system.

Of course, sexual abuse, and violence is not normal to a child and if the child has been through that, then dp and all sorts of things can occur.

Well I can think for my self, and I know by my own normal standard , what ever normal is, I consider my self to be brought up with best intentions, I never had fear in me. I can pretty much define normal in terms of how I was brought up though.

But regardless of the past however wonderful or bad, we have the pwer to change our now, what we do now. you cant rewrite over patterns that have been inbedded in all us..but you can be more aware and change unhelpful style of thinking in which our parents indoctrinted in to us..ie thinking for our selfs.

sorry about my shit spelling!
 
#7 ·
No matter how much people go back to the past, you cant change anything, what done is done..but people can learn unhelpful behaviours and be more aware of things.

every day, we have thing inbedded into us, but if we become more aware of these things, we can challenge them for the better.

Just my take anyway
 
#9 ·
The only way I can see developing a secure base, is changing the now, and our belief systems through CBT, and doing things which help our self esteem, etc
Like I've been saying, it's extraordinarily simple.

If you lack a "secure base", you are insecure. So how do you become secure?

Replace bad habits with good habits - as you said, "doing things which help your self esteem."

It's all extremely simple - you just have to be patient and consistent.

But there's a catch - you have to stop lying to yourself - only then will you dare to do what's necessary to help your self-esteem.

Because otherwise you'll just lie to yourself - "oh no, I can't do that!"

I guarantee everyone here can fully and permanently get rid of DPD within a year.

Most people just don't believe they can do the things that are needed for that to happen.

So make that leap. Take that risk.
 
#11 ·
I agree, my uncle had what I consider the worst child hood, he was sxually abused by his father, and friends of his father to sickening way.

he has never dad dp

but he did develop scizaphenia for some time and put in health care hospital

I consider my self to had a stable child hood, but I was given more than others as an only child., and not at all indepentant, mummy cuddled.

I consider my dp to be the cause of my thinking styles and the way I handled life.
 
G
#13 ·
That feeling of inadequacy had to come from somewhere, and you can fix it without understanding why it's broken, but then you run the risk of repeating the same mistakes that got you to that point in the first place. If you don't learn from history, you're doomed to repeat it.
 
#15 · (Edited by Moderator)
I just want to nip into this thread. I strongly believe my dysfunctionalism stems not from abuse or poor upbringing from others per se (in fact I loved my early childhood) but after about the age of 11 or so I consciously chose to disconnect from my peers and spend my youth in social isolation. Why did I do it? quiet simply I did not see the point, despite having a good humor and being very popular I was just so exceedingly introverted I thought I could do without, which was a big mistake, but it only dawned on me in retrospect. Now that I'm in my twenties I have noticed that the hermit lifestyle is not what I actually want from life, but at the same time I'm missing fundamental milestones that should have harbored me into social and emotional maturity, this turned me into a very volatile personality, along with inborn sensitivity. But there is nothing to blame but myself. I had the qualities and the doors for a 'healthy' adolescence (and hence, presumably, adulthood) but I did not take advantage of it.

I still retained my childhood ability to charm and some other positive social qualities but I still feel completely inadequate and cannot from lasting friendships or romantic partnerships, this frustrates me and others who start out liking me, because as soon as anything goes beyond acquaintanceship I erect a barrier and become cold and instinctively withdraw, simply because I never learned how adult relationships work. My hermit-like adolescence also started out the dissociative symptoms as a coping strategie, but now that I'm finally trying to re-integrate I just noticed so many deficits, another big one being stress coping strategies, which is further fueling my dissociation at the moment.

Just thought I'd list my story, which in a certain way is a poor upbringing, but it was self imposed.
 
G
#16 ·
Just gonna throw it out their; people act like fearless is saying everyone who's ever had childhood issues should have DP, but he's really saying that people with DP have childhood issues. These are two different statements.

It's like someone saying "Alcoholics we're likely abused as children." and then everyone else saying "but not everyone who suffered child abuse is an alcoholic!"

I see a lot more people say :"not everyone who was abused as a child has DP!" then the much more sensible "Not everyone with DP was abused as a child"
 
#17 ·
but at the same time I'm missing fundamental milestones that should have harbored me into social and emotional maturity, this turned me into a very volatile personality, along with inborn sensitivity. But there is nothing to blame but myself.
You're not missing anything you can't acquire now.

Just, you know, start doing it. What do you do if you're not a social person? Socialize. Start slow - listening to people is easy. Everyone wants someone to listen to them. It's a process like anything else, and you can start doing it at any age. You just have to want it.
 
#20 · (Edited by Moderator)
I just want to nip into this thread. I strongly believe my dysfunctionalism stems not from abuse or poor upbringing from others per se (in fact I loved my early childhood) but after about the age of 11 or so I consciously chose to disconnect from my peers and spend my youth in social isolation. Why did I do it? quiet simply I did not see the point, despite having a good humor and being very popular I was just so exceedingly introverted I thought I could do without, which was a big mistake, but it only dawned on me in retrospect. Now that I'm in my twenties I have noticed that the hermit lifestyle is not what I actually want from life, but at the same time I'm missing fundamental milestones that should have harbored me into social and emotional maturity, this turned me into a very volatile personality, along with inborn sensitivity. But there is nothing to blame but myself. I had the qualities and the doors for a 'healthy' adolescence (and hence, presumably, adulthood) but I did not take advantage of it.

I still retained my childhood ability to charm and some other positive social qualities but I still feel completely inadequate and cannot from lasting friendships or romantic partnerships, this frustrates me and others who start out liking me, because as soon as anything goes beyond acquaintanceship I erect a barrier and become cold and instinctively withdraw, simply because I never learned how adult relationships work. My hermit-like adolescence also started out the dissociative symptoms as a coping strategie, but now that I'm finally trying to re-integrate I just noticed so many deficits, another big one being stress coping strategies, which is further fueling my dissociation at the moment.

Just thought I'd list my story, which in a certain way is a poor upbringing, but it was self imposed.
Hello there,
I understand when you say that your isolation kept you from having the milestones that would have made you more 'personalized'. Is the key to beating this thing connecting with our fellow man because if that's the case it's going to be an uphill battle, for me personally at least. I find that the majority of people I meet have alot more dysfunction going on than I do and that's one of the many reasons I isolate myself. I have this underlying belief that people are way more damaged than I am (life experiences did this to me) and could potentially wreak more havoc in my life which only contributes to that 'world is unsafe' feeling that doesn't allow you to have the secure base that is desperately needed to thrive. At the same time though, I feel that those that have their lives together wouldn't give me the time of day if they got any hint that I was floundering. So there is no potential for any support network in my mind-apart from this site! Truly connecting to people can only be done when one is vulnerable such as in committed relationships but as I've said, those are hard to come by these days and so that secure base remains elusive.
 
#22 ·
But it isn't that simple. It is so complex, in many situations we may never determine "one specific cause" for a problem and hence there is no specific clear-cut treatment.
Actually, it is simple. It's extraordinary simple. What complicates things is that human beings are prone to denial and blind-spots, and frequently the smartest and most talented among them.

You don't even need a psychologist if you can be honest with yourself. Most people just can't, that's why they need a psychologist. The answers are always blindingly obvious. Every single person here knows what it would take for them to get rid of DP because every single person here knows which perceived inadequacy was going unaddressed before onset of DP.

They know it - they just have a massive fear barrier as far as dealing with that inadequacy. They've blown it up into something big and scary, and don't think they can handle it.

DP is just life's way of saying GET OVER YOUR FEARS. It's that simple.
 
#26 · (Edited by Moderator)
Actually, it is simple. It's extraordinary simple. What complicates things is that human beings are prone to denial and blind-spots, and frequently the smartest and most talented among them.

You don't even need a psychologist if you can be honest with yourself. Most people just can't, that's why they need a psychologist. The answers are always blindingly obvious. Every single person here knows what it would take for them to get rid of DP because every single person here knows which perceived inadequacy was going unaddressed before onset of DP.

They know it - they just have a massive fear barrier as far as dealing with that inadequacy. They've blown it up into something big and scary, and don't think they can handle it.

DP is just life's way of saying GET OVER YOUR FEARS. It's that simple.
I think that's the bottom line. The first part is about getting out of enmeshment so you can figure who you are and what you want. It's easier said than done because when you haven't had your needs met because you've been too focused on the needs of others, you'll have to work extra hard to find yourself and allow yourself to be yourself. The second part is just not letting your fears prevent you from accomplishing your goals. I have concluded that a big contributor to my dp was the fact that as a kid I wasn't allowed to be expressive or have opinions, I was seen but not heard. If a peep was heard out of me I was really berated in a humiliating fashion. And through it all I am still the first one to be there for them. I truly wish that I had this epiphany sooner that just because two dysfunctional people decided to bump uglies and have you doesn't mean you have to endure their dysfunction in the form of abuse towards you. Some people are wise enough to realize this and leave home ASAP. Others are too dependent that they remain enmeshed and allow their fears to not allow them to do what is needed-get away from the source of pain. That's the difference between those that get dp and those that don't. Some are innately driven to pack up and leave the second they are mistreated and others would rather stay and try to appease their abuser and again that's the difference. It seems like the brain in fear mode cannot think rationally and be cooperative to one's best interest.
 
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