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What were you like before DP?


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#1 GroupHug

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 01:03 AM

I'm expecting to hear about a lot of people go on about being outgoing, really happy, etc. and how depersonalization stifled that, but that really wasn't the case for me. I was always pretty detached from people and life in general, and I felt like a total outsider who was observing life instead of someone who's present in the situation and moment or part of it all. I was self-loathing, socially - pretty isolated, anxious, depressed and full of constant painful introspection. DP just intensified all that tenfold.

It's a double-edged sword though, without it I would probably float through life detached from it all and alone, thinking that's just how it is. With it, I can be even more detached and alone (though I am showing lots of improvement :)), but it was such an intense shock to the system that I knew things had to change and it gave me the motivation to. It's strange to say, but in a meaningful way I am better off having gotten DP. Though, I'm seriously not expecting this to be the case for everyone..

So, what kind of person were you in general before you were depersonalized?...and even though Marijuana (or another drug) was the trigger for many of us, I think there are certain negative factors in personality/behavior/thought patterns in our past that precipitates our shared troubles...if you had any, what were they?

[Warning - rambling]: I think it's telling that there's a certain "type" of individual who is more predisposed to getting DP. I actually feel a common bond, familiarity and connection with most of you despite feeling like a weird alien when trying to relate to most people, and even though of course our personalities differ, there's this eerie similarity going on.

#2 Guest_Delicate_*

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 05:36 AM

I was shy a lot as a child but I was always outgoing and funloving around my friends. I hung out with the people who got bullied or the dorky ones and I always seemed to try to inject some fun and mischief into people's lives lol. I was very flirtatious starting at 12. I did always however feel more of an understanding and respect for adults over people my age and I felt more mature than my peers in a way that disconnected me from them. When the popular kids were gossipping and talking about drugs and all the dirty shit they'd done with their boyfriends, I would want to talk about meaningful things and find out how my friends were feeling that day, be a shoulder to cry on, etc.
Basically, I was very emotional and observational, with a keen interest in picking others up and placing them on their feet again.
I had a lot of self esteem issues and would constantly criticise myself. The difference between then and now with DP is that I really couldn't give a crap about what people think of me. That's the only benefit I've found!
I sometimes forget that I care about others now, but then I remember that I wrote this or that optimistic post on the forums and gently remind myself that I'm not as bad as I think I am. Happiness and love is hard to feel now with DP, as well as a connection to people, but hope is always with me and thats what helps me remember who I was and who I really am deep down.

#3 thepreem

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 07:15 AM

I was really outgoing. I used to party every weekend,get f**ked up and hook up with girls.
I used to be quite popular at school, but now as I'm usually just sitting in class waiting to go home.

The disorder itself is really hard to handle, but seeing my friends getting drunk or high every weekend, having a great while i have to sit at home with a fucking dissociative disorder that nobody has EVER HEARD OF is slowly taking what's left of my teenage years.

#4 wellsiee

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 09:10 AM

I was always a super happy, hyper bubbly kid. I still am for the most part, but I also got it when I was 14 (22 now) so DP is pretty much the only life I know and remember now. With the right people, in a comforting situation I'm still the same person...just with a bit of a chunk missing from me. Being detached.

#5 PositiveThinking!

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 11:41 AM

I was really happy when I was a kid, after my parents divorce I started pushing people away, like a lot mainly because people kept getting attracted to me for some reason, pushed everyone away, so I'd say I was worse than I am at the moment, now I'm willing to accept people in my life, take care of myself and stop caring about what's wrong with me and focus on what I could be doing to move on with my life

#6 GroupHug

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 03:00 PM

I was always a super happy, hyper bubbly kid. I still am for the most part, but I also got it when I was 14 (22 now) so DP is pretty much the only life I know and remember now. With the right people, in a comforting situation I'm still the same person...just with a bit of a chunk missing from me. Being detached.

You know what, I really wasn't thinking back that far enough. As a kid I was very fun-loving and loved going to new places and playing with friends, getting involved in sports, wasn't too bad in school...I mean, I could be a little quiet and reserved if in a new situation, but overall I was energetic and happy. I was also around 14, in middle school, when things started to change for the worse (hooray for puberty!). Started to get depressed, isolate myself from past friends, be anxious and worried all the time. I can't even remember exactly when I got DP because my life is such a blur to me now, but my best guess would be somewhere around high school when I started to smoke, though that was just the straw that broke the camels back.

I'm curious...are you saying there was absolutely nothing unhealthy about the way you thought about or reacted to things, no depression or major anxiety, nothing going on that caused undue stress around that time, that the DP kinda just came out of nowhere?

#7 wellsiee

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Posted 04 October 2012 - 04:20 PM

You know what, I really wasn't thinking back that far enough. As a kid I was very fun-loving and loved going to new places and playing with friends, getting involved in sports, wasn't too bad in school...I mean, I could be a little quiet and reserved if in a new situation, but overall I was energetic and happy. I was also around 14, in middle school, when things started to change for the worse (hooray for puberty!). Started to get depressed, isolate myself from past friends, be anxious and worried all the time. I can't even remember exactly when I got DP because my life is such a blur to me now, but my best guess would be somewhere around high school when I started to smoke, though that was just the straw that broke the camels back.

I'm curious...are you saying there was absolutely nothing unhealthy about the way you thought about or reacted to things, no depression or major anxiety, nothing going on that caused undue stress around that time, that the DP kinda just came out of nowhere?


I got my DP when I was 14 so before that I was generally a happy kid. I mean don't get me wrong, shit was a mess in my life; my dad was abusive and I had a terrible relationship with my mom. constant fighting in my house growing up. Somehow I was happy but stressed out all the time. Before the DP I never had anxiety, or depression, I was sociable.. and then after the DP I became a royal train wreck. I was depressed, I was social phobic, scared all the time, and panicked all the time.. so it was my world turned upside down. but I think during the time of me getting DP I had alot going on, my parents split up, I moved in with my dad, I think I was probably fighting with my ex-boyfriend alot, highschool drama.. just overly stressed out. I'm sure with me being stressed out from everything that was going on in the present, and underlying issues from the past triggered my DP.

#8 Plur

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Posted 17 October 2012 - 02:40 PM

I was really outgoing. I used to party every weekend,get f**ked up and hook up with girls.
I used to be quite popular at school, but now as I'm usually just sitting in class waiting to go home.

The disorder itself is really hard to handle, but seeing my friends getting drunk or high every weekend, having a great while i have to sit at home with a fucking dissociative disorder that nobody has EVER HEARD OF is slowly taking what's left of my teenage years.


I'm sorry but your quote made me giggle not because it's funny but just how true it is for me. It Exactly how I feel all my friends out raving whilst i sit at home with some bizzare dissociative disorder no one ever heard of ...sad but true.

As for how I used to be yeah I was a social butterfly never really had any anxiety, went out all the time had lots of friends. Now I just watch my friends continue to live the life i used to live while I observe from the outside. Before this is also used to be a peaceful hippy like girl very spiritual. Now I have no peace.




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