I can't believe that anyone would deny that meditation could cause chronic constant depersonalization. I am living fucking proof!
I wasn't depersonalised.
Then I meditated deeply and had a panic attack
Now I am constantly depersonalised.
Barely anyone who meditates has had panic attacks like these because barely anyone who meditates actually DOES self-inquiry and goes into DEEP meditation.
If you were to actually do it, as the gurus and sages of history have instructed to do it, you would most likely experience exactly what I have experienced, depending on the kind of person you are and the kind of mind you have.
Midnight, I respect your view, and that it may have triggered some problems, but I'll speak frankly if you don't mind, without intention of causing offence:
Even just going into deep relaxation can trigger a panic attack in some people, when there is fear just below the surface. It maybe the fear of letting go. That if we relinquish control, bad things will happen -a kind of magical thinking. We have to keep a grip, a hold, or it all falls apart. A fear cycle can then begin or one we already had and touched on is reinforced. Letting go is very powerful, and can be intense when there is trapped levels of distress there, but just below those are deeper levels of peace and relief.
Doing this wasn't really any different to me, because I was so traumatised anyway, there wasn't a lot more fear could do, as I was living it anyway. I appreciate this may have given me an advantage because there wasn't often much contrast to affect me.
I do think that when you talk about self-inquiry and going deep you are confusing things. I suspect you meditated, started to hit a deeper state while still conscious enough to freak yourself out with conscious abstract philosophising, panicked and spent your time since trying to stay above that fear. Although not in meditation, that's kinda like what I did with reality itself. Self inquiry is a "doing" in conscious states that blocks going deep. When you go deep it's more like a happening. Things seem to unfold themselves, and I believe that's because the mind is designed to naturally unkink blocks and resolve problems, when it is allowed to do so. Deeper states, and I accept they are not always easy to access when we are troubled, it takes patience when we are doing it, can be freaky at first, like a dragon thrashing around off the chain (force of imagination/subconscious), but that is countered by the deeper state, that affects true physiological changes and protects you like a warm cocoon.
So you discern between what is real meditation and what isn't, but I say all paths lead to the same place: You. And that the difference is only on the scattered surface.
Confusion comes from ideas about emptiness and being nothing, but these are just ways of explaining something that a depressed mind will interpret badly. Trying to consciously force such concepts in meditation is not going to help, because another way of putting it is "clarity" "space" "peace" "awareness". The absence of disturbance not being "emptiness" but feeling completely and radiantly present.
So yeah, I've rambled on abit too long, but that's why I talked about meditations using imagination to deepen state and relax rather than trying to plough yourself crazy with "self-inquiry". It's an experience, not an idea.