What is DP/DR like for you?
Posted 30 August 2004 - 07:55 PM
Its really sad to say but this is the best I have felt in a long time.
My memory problem & the questions are the most frightening for me.
Posted 30 August 2004 - 09:08 PM
afraid that I exist as a consistent entity only within various imaginary environments
afraid I am existing in an imaginary environment while simultaneously existing in a real environment
experience the world as not really real.
experience my self as not really real.
experience everything as little spacy, a lot disconnected, all of the time.
experience any emotion as suspect
don't experience appropriate emotions for those i have loved in the past, and believe i should love now.
have thought that i have no emotions for people at all, only sentementality in the context of some story.
have thought of myself as different kinds of machines, one makes clever comments, one generates sympathy, one tries to generate affection, one tries to generate admiration, etc.
have thought that I simply am not living my life, that I am simply not alive as a human being, but as some kind of sub-human entity.
have thought that I was neurotic, then as having some personality disorder, then as having depersonalization disorder.
can experience every thing I think or say, simultaneously or at some later time, as suspect, including these very words
can see most of what I do as just momentum from some direction taken some time ago, as mechanistic, as driven by stimulus and response.
have thought that i am simply empty, am basically nothing
enough of this
is this really depersonalization or something else
Posted 31 August 2004 - 09:29 AM
1-Feeling like Im on another planet and that Im the only one feeling that.
2-Feeling Im outside of this life, seeing people do their stuff, and me is an outsider looking at it, without feeling I take part in it (but realizing at the same time I do, which is very freaky, wanting desperately to go to the 'other side', but realizing it is not possible).
3-Feeling like Me is gone and the me who is there is not the real me, like someone else is looking through my eyes at the world, without me being in it. (sometimes)
5-sadness at the thought of never seeing my environment the same way again. It looks so fake, like everyhting is made 2 dimensional
6-often feel extremely overstimulated/dissoriented in busy places
7-In sum I guess you could say I feel totally estranged from me and my surroundings, although to others I look normal.
8-Feeling Im (going) crazy. (fear, but it's better now)
9-When having been some where or done something, then later it feels unreal I did that or was at a particular place
10-Memory is a problem, I have to do lots of thinking in order to recall past events. Memories are fragmented and not linear, all jumbled.
Posted 31 August 2004 - 11:35 AM
Until they do, I'll add to the description of my experience:
Intense, nearly constant fear. Just, a free-floating sense of impending doom. As if something is about to happen - something very bad. I assume that's related to fear of going crazy...........running naked screaming down the street. And I won't even have any boobs to hold on to for security as would Snowy.
This fear of going (or already being) insane holds more terror for me than actual physical death. The thought of being crazy, locked up somewhere, but still alive.........that's what I'm most afraid of.
That, and the feeling that I have no "me" are my two main symptoms. Tossing around words like "I", "me" and "my" seems strange. It's as if MY very soul has vanished. And it scares ME almost to death.
Posted 31 August 2004 - 04:00 PM
A constant feeling of strangeness, like things are just not right for some reason and i don't know why.
Analyzing things & constantly wondering or worrying about things, on occasion these things are existential.
Feeling like i am spaced out, in a fog, still high, i guess at times detatched, kind of like i have this strange aura.
Heightened sensativity- Hypervigalance
Visual Disturbances/ Very sensative vision, i get floaters, sparks, once in a while trailers, sometimes things seem to shimmer, my eyes are more sensative to bright sunlight or bright lights in general
Anxiety, i still get physical anxiety on occasion & i guess obviously i have psychological anxiety as well.
Posted 01 September 2004 - 01:13 AM
Just popping back in to note that I am not the one who pinned this to the top. Maybe if we can get more descriptions of DP/DR experience I'll edit out some of the extraneous material.
Posted 01 September 2004 - 10:42 AM
- Constant feeling of being disconnected from my environment
- Problems with memory
- At times being unable to recognise common faces and associate names with those
- Problems with concentration and thought structure
- Desperatly wanting to be able to interact with people on a deep meaningful level, but feeling too "slow" to do so.
- After ceasing Paxil, I'm now finding myself having to make a concerted effect to slow down and not to slur my words when speaking
- Can no longer think on as many levels as what I used to. I appear to take most things at face value
- Being unable to read and write with the same flowing ability that I once had
- Muted emmotions across the board
- Watching my cognitive ability de-generate on a month by month basis
Initially I did have all of the typical DP symptoms such as seeing structures and forgetting what context they had in the world; looking at my extremeties and wondering if they belonged to me; and not recognising myself in a mirror, but now I find myself only struck down the cognitive issues. Perhaps I've been living in a DP state for so long that I've given up trying to make sense of the distortions of reality.
In fact Im really not sure as to whether the symptoms I'm suffering from now are technically DP or an extreme anxiety state that perhaps doesnt feel like anxiety any more because of such a high baseline level. Then again I may have just fried my mind after 8 years of anti depressant use :?
Posted 06 September 2004 - 04:25 AM
"One metaphor for one aspect is a transparent, or translucent, barrier between me and the world. I can see through it, and I can remember what life was like on the other side, but I can't penatrate it." - dalailama15
"I spend much of my waking life, especially when I am alone, creating some internal monologue to some imagined listener, which seems always lucid and frequently elloquent." - dalailama15 (I do this constantly.)
"DP/DR for me feels like an invisible icy wall between me and and my surroundings, in other words described like being asleep while awake." -Ninnu
"Disconnected from reality, scared, confused & broken record thinking.", "Questioning reality - why are we here? what happens when we die, I'm afraid to die!" -Charger
"can experience every thing I think or say, simultaneously" - dalailama15
"Problems with concentration and thought structure", "Being unable to read and write with the same flowing ability that I once had " - nemesis
"excessive thoughts (almost a 24/7 vision) about existance, mortality, death, eternity, universe and being (these things are too weird for me) " -amlangela
Now for my own words... I asked my family once a year or two after my first DP experience, I was about 7 or 8, " Do you ever feel like you're here, but you're really not?". They just laughed. Of course, how could they understand.
I fear existence. I fear not existing. I fear dying, I fear living. I would kill myself if I knew I'd be better off wherever I went. I feel distant from everyone, including those I love most. I constantly wish I was 5 again, cuz that's before I ever experience DP, and I was happy then, I was real then. I have very early memories of childhood that go back to when I was one year old. Pleasant memories. And I want to go back, I was me then, I'm not me anymore. I don't know what I am. I sometimes think I was abducted by aliens and they're doing this experiment on me, this DP is the cruel experiment.
I'm scared, terrified, depressed, anxious... Bright lights make the DP worse. It's worse in the car, especially on expressways or other long neverending roads. I can't enjoy the beauty of things. If I look up at the sky I start to freak out, especially at night. I'm terrified of infinity. I'm terrified of God, of Hell, even Heaven. Sometimes I wonder if this is Hell.
- kitsune66 likes this
Posted 08 September 2004 - 05:51 PM
I am self-diagnosed with DP, though sometimes I still think I may just be plain 'ol wacko. I thought maybe a thread where people try to describe what DP/DR is like for them would be helpful for people like me. The ones who aren't sure what's wrong with them. Might make for good reference material if nothing else.
So, maybe just a brief description of the experience for you - what are the sensations, are they periodic or constant, that kind of thing. Thank you in advance for your thoughts..........
My feelings of dp involve sensations of physically merging into things around me like the chair I am sitting on or my legs are melting inot the sidewalk and I have to sort of pull my legs along as if they were sticking in mollasses or conrete. Also another prominent feature is a sense of loss of self orientation in regards to my position in space. For instance one of the times I get dp and dr worse is when I am stop at a busy intersection in my car and if feel as though if I look around I will loose my sense of balance and the world will become topsy turvy. So I generally focus my eyes on the dashboard and count until the light changes. I don't get dp that often anymore mostly only in wide open spaces when traveling across the desert or sometime while waiting in line in the super market. When I used to have it constantly years ago I had all kinds of bizarre thoughts aling with the sensations. I used to have what was called "ego dislocation" where you feel that your sense of a "body self" is across the room from where you are sitting. This would be accompanied with intense panic and veretigo. Also sometimes peoples faces and heads would seem to be merging into the wall behind them, or their upper body was growing out of the table they were sitting at. Sometime still when I have periods of dp I get the sensation that my sense of a physical self is not aligned, as though the parts don't fit together as a unit, or that sometime I have been turned inside out. I know this sounds really crazy but these are my experiences. And one last point. I have used the term sensation several times because my feelings of dp are more akin to sensations than thoughts if you know what I mean.
Hope this helps
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