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What is DP/DR like for you?


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#25 Guest__*

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 11:39 AM

Thanks all, this is helping me. If nothing else it is feeding my obsession.
Janine - and this is slightly off topic, though you have touched on it a couple of times in this thread: you seem to have a theory that explains these strange sensations. You even offer a "cure", here and elsewhere on the site.
Now, I am not trying to be argumentative. You know I am not like that.
:)
However - there are many of us seemingly stuck in this mess. What you offer as the way out suggests a choice is possible. That if we were to become less introspective, focus outwards more, become more involved in the outside world rather than our inside world, to stop trying to control everything..........that somehow, if we only made the choice to do these things - we would come out the other side of this nightmare.
While that is a gross simplification of what you try to say, I think it at least hits on some of the high points.
My question is: if we have this choice, this ability to to change - why don't we? Isn't it possible that, for some of us anyway, this is NOT a matter of choice? Because I can't help but think every person on this site would make the choice if it was possible. Would sit down and think, "mmm, today I think I will be less introspective, will become more involved in what's around me rather than in me, will try to be less controlling of those things I have no control over......"

Again, not trying to be a brat here or anything. Just pointing out what to me is very obvious - the inability to CHOOSE to be otherwise may in fact be a large part of the illness itself.
This is where the nature vs. nurture conflict arises for me. I seem no more able to choose not to be DP than I would be able to choose not to have cancer.

And more descriptions please. Thank you Wendy, Dalai and Snowy.

#26 Guest_SoulBrotha_*

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 12:11 PM

i have water stuck in my left ear & its extremely annoying, i feel like im gonna go insane at any second .

#27 dalailama15

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 12:55 PM

Jesus Janine,

I just read your first post in this thread (of course I was more concerned with my own impressions--and making an impression--than with anyone else)

I recently wrote this in another forum

I smoked pot probably 50 times or so over a three or four year period (and this before most of you were born). Not that much, compared to most of my peers. Towards the end, I believe I realized the absolute truth of my own existence, and from this I have never recovered.


This truth was that I didn't exist and that I never had. That all I had ever been was a self-containted construct.

I now believe that this is not all that I ever had been, that I was once alive. But since this has started, and I have tried to ignore it, every time I reflect on my self or my life. . . I see this same truth. It is always there and it is always true.

fuck this shit I just can't take it any more.

(of couse I can take it. I always have. Taking it is all I have ever been.)

.

#28 university girl

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 01:14 PM

What is 'broken record syndrome?" If you mean you get a thought stuck in your head that just keeps on going and going - I have that. I call it the "EverReady Bunny Syndrome". It happens with songs sometimes, yes, but it can just as easily be a simple thought.


Hehe...sorry i didn't explain this...

For me, "broken record syndrome" is that I am sick and tired of telling my story (to practitioners etc.). I too suffer from the "EverReady Bunny Syndrome". In addition, I find my thoughts are much louder than they used to be and often consist of me role-playing. By this I mean I hear myself having a conversation with a second party. No worries...this second party is in my own voice and I am in control of it. :D It's like I am practicing conversations that may come up later. I am often explaining something to someone and then I respond to myself, as if I am that person. Anyone else do this often?

-university girl

#29 Guest_Janinebaker_*

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 03:43 PM

Dear SC,
No, absolutely agree that none of us can just "choose" to not be dp. Of course not. I suffered with this horror for over 20 years. trust me, if there was a way to just not think about it, etc...I would have found it.

My suggestion about not obsessing over watching self, etc, is as a way to REDUCE the power. It makes it WORSE to focus directly on the experience as you're experiencing it. I just offer that tip to help people back out of the worst states. That is not going to make the dp vanish.

The only thing I know to change how we think is therapy. There are meds that work for some.

All I can tell you is that I thought I knew myself inside and out. I had done various therapies that never made a dent in me. Never touched me. I just walked out as sure I was right as when I walked in.

Once I managed much later to really explore my own thoughts,and the patterns in my life, and my unconscious motivations for many of my life choices, inside....intrinsically, I changed. What had been keeping me dp'd was a strong need to NOT change. The symptom fed the goal and vice versa.

I have no quick easy answers. But I KNOW that we all feel compelled to focus directly on how dp FEELS in the moment and to watch ourselves mercilessly. And I also know that makes the dp worse. While it's very hard to stop doing that, the first step is to TRY. Most of us don't want to try, because we secretly believe we're RIGHT, lol....and that there is a way to find answers, solutions, keys, INSIDE the dp experience.

Where we need to be looking is at OTHER aspects of ourselves, our lives, our thoughts. The moment by moment obsession with dp is keeping us distracted from where we need to be doing the work.

Peace,
Janine

#30 Guest__*

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 03:48 PM

Thank you Janine. You truly are a peach you know........

#31

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 07:48 PM

This sounds more like everbody is describing the details of their anxiety state.

#32 Guest__*

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 09:01 PM

Which makes sense, as I think it's generally accepted that anxiety and DP are closely related. Possibly just flip-sides of the same coin.
This thread is going well. More descriptions please..........

#33 dalailama15

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Posted 29 August 2004 - 09:24 PM

It is not insanity and it is not "truth"

But nobody IN that state can believe it isn't.
It is a hideous fantasy of self-annihilation.


God help me i hope this is true. I can imagine it is. I can imagine:

The hideous fantasy as the Ptolemaic universe--equants and epicycles, wheels within wheels.

Which is also not "truth."

And which simply disolved when it met the three laws buried within and then bursting out of Kepler's mystic harmonies the real truth--beautiful circles are homely ellipses.

I thank you as well.

#34 Guest__*

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Posted 30 August 2004 - 11:38 AM

bouncing this to to the top for two reasons: 1) this got lots of hit over the weekend, and I know many people aren't even around here then; and 2) as my brand new postscript says - new pics and stuff on my webpage. Now you have the opportunity to both click and see what a DP'ed wacko really looks like, AND add your description of how DP/DR feels for you to this thread.........

#35 lone wolf

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Posted 30 August 2004 - 12:15 PM

DP/DR for me feels like an invisible icy wall between me and and my surroundings, in other words described like being asleep while awake. I have experienced life like this since I was 14 years, and DP/DR has not gone away after that but only for two fleeting moments. Indeed if I hadn't experienced those two - about two seconds in length - moments, I probably would now think I have never been depersonalized but this is just a normal way of experiencing life. It is because I have had DP/DR for 15 years' time now - indeed I have become used to it, and thus it doesn't bother me much anymore. Still I wish that one magical day it would disappear in the future, though personally I do not think so. But yet hoping so - it surely would feel wondrous, if I someday could experience life without this invisible wall. Sometimes - indeed even now, when typing this - I also experience some rare moments, when the icy wall around me melts a bit, but that is very subtle. But also those moments are great, and I am happy cuz of them. :)

#36 whiterabbit

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Posted 30 August 2004 - 01:46 PM

Empty, blank, unable to engage, disconnected from what I am doing, sort of dead in my eyes, observer of others, separated, pane of glass, stupefied, have to force myself to do things, robot-like, no thoughts; no feelings; wordless, lack of emotional response to things, lack of connection, dead, can't remember anything very much; feeling distant or estranged from friends and people I know, empty, empty, empty, nothing there, no sense of self, preoccupied with state, wondering if this is dp. That kind of thing. the usual and on it goes. Sarah x



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