What is DP/DR like for you? - Page 2 - New? Start Here - Depersonalization Community

Jump to content

Please Read the Community Forum Guidelines Before Posting.

What is DP/DR like for you?

969 replies to this topic

#13 Guest_SoulBrotha_*

  • Guests

Posted 28 August 2004 - 10:52 PM

i just want it to end, whatever it is

noone still has answered my question of what exactly i have or what is wrong with me. But it has to end!

i don't think people get it

#14 university girl

university girl

    Senior DPSelfhelp.com Member

  • DPSH Members
  • 783 posts
  • LocationCanada

Posted 28 August 2004 - 11:03 PM

[quote name="SoulBrotha"]
i just want it to end, whatever it is
noone still has answered my question of what exactly i have or what is wrong with me. But it has to end!

SB............I'm with ya on that one.

#15 Guest__*

  • Guests

Posted 29 August 2004 - 12:14 AM

This is good stuff. More more more.
What is 'broken record syndrome?" If you mean you get a thought stuck in your head that just keeps on going and going - I have that. I call it the "EverReady Bunny Syndrome". It happens with songs sometimes, yes, but it can just as easily be a simple thought.

#16 Snowy


    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 161 posts
  • LocationAustralia

Posted 29 August 2004 - 01:39 AM

I have so many symptoms, and they can vary from week to week. One week i will have a set of different symptoms to the week before. All anxiety/dp, just showing itself in different bloody ways. Here are some of my good fun to live with symptoms.

Feeling all jumbled up and inside out,
Feel as though i'm about to lose control and start screaming, frantically skipping naked down the street shaking my boobs with my hands and whistling and shrieking, with my eyes popping out of my head....or something along those lines.
Everything looks shimmery, like i am looking at the road on a hot summers day.
Feeling confused and disoriented in certain places, usually when there is alot of noise and a crowd.
Feel empty inside, have lost the spontaniety of life, like i can't get excited about anything.
Headaches, blurry eyes, stomach pains, chest pain, feeling like i can't breath, feel like ive had a heart attack or am going to experience one any minute. The same with a stroke, when my head goes numb and my face feels fucked and my hands get all tingly.
Waking up during the night all tensed up and confused. Waking up from dreaming and feeling like i am still in the dream. Waking up and not feeling like a human.. etc etc etc etc.....so many more....

#17 kenc127


    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 369 posts

Posted 29 August 2004 - 01:47 AM

Feel as though i'm about to lose control and start screaming, frantically skipping naked down the street shaking my boobs with my hands and whistling and shrieking, with my eyes popping out of my head....or something along those lines.

lmao. that is simply hilarious. I needed that, thank you snowy.

#18 Snowy


    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 161 posts
  • LocationAustralia

Posted 29 August 2004 - 02:25 AM

lol thats ok

#19 Guest__*

  • Guests

Posted 29 August 2004 - 04:38 AM

Feeling like Im on another planet and that Im the only one feeling that.
Feeling Im outside of this life, seeing people do their stuff, and me is an outsider looking at it, without feeling I take part in it (but realizing at the same time I do, which is very freaky, wanting desperately to go to the 'other side', but realizing it is not possible).
Feeling like Me is gone and the me who is there is not the real me, like someone else is looking through my eyes at the world, without me being in it.
Detached, shut off from myself.
Feeling very distant from everything happening.
Afraid that I may wake up in another reality from this one, in a whole different place from the place where I am at that moment.
In sum I guess you could say I feel totally estranged from me and my surroundings, although to others I look normal.
Feeling Im (going) crazy.
Feeling isolated which enhances when I try to explain how I feel to others and they dont get it, makes this feeling isolated/crazy even worse.
Feeling not understood by others.
Feeling I need to control my mind to not drift off into too much analysis/thoughts of my state of being, which enhances my anxiety if I do.
Being afraid there is another reality besides mine (another dimension?)
that I dont see but others do.
When having been some where or done something, then later it feels unreal I did that or was at a particular place.
Processing past events is almost impossible. I can bring things back, but I feel I wasnt in those events, that it was not me.
Memory is a problem, I have to do lots of thinking in order to recall past events. Memories are fragmented and not linear, all jumbled.

And still in all of this, I wonder if I have DP/DR for real.
I ask myself this question daily, its become an obsession.
Afraid that I made it all up or that there is something else going on, which is not Dp/Dr.
These are all feelings I encounter daily.
Good post Sc.

#20 Guest__*

  • Guests

Posted 29 August 2004 - 06:54 AM

While now rereading my post an hour or so later, I cant believe its me who wrote what I wrote. Its like Im reading something that someone else wrote.
I have problems connecting it to myself. Im sure thats DP! :(

#21 Guest_Janinebaker_*

  • Guests

Posted 29 August 2004 - 09:08 AM

Asking yourself constantly IF this is dp, and then thinking that NOBODY else on this earth could possibly be experiencing what we experience...it must NOT be dp, it's something else, I've convinced myself it's dp, but it's not....this is different, this is something more than dp, this is even something more than a mental symptom - this is some kind of inner experience that goes way beyond any symptom...or I've tried to think it's dp, but something else is happening to me, something nobody else can see or understand because they THINK it's dp....and I'm too sick to understand it, but I can see that it's more...

that is the CLASSIC kind of thinking that accompanies dp.


#22 Guest_SoulBrotha_*

  • Guests

Posted 29 August 2004 - 10:37 AM

i have a question

what is it when, you just feel spaced out, have visual distortions, things seem strange & occasional obsessional thoughts?

#23 Guest_Janinebaker_*

  • Guests

Posted 29 August 2004 - 10:45 AM

SoulBro, the best answer I can give you is that it's an anxiety response to the Trauma of your mental breakdown.

There are "traits" of different symptoms (like some things fall into the dp category, others fall into anxiety). But there are no clear cut "this is x" and "this is Y"

We got freaked out. That was the trauma. The first time we felt awful and thought something horrible was happening to our minds. From that moment on, the nervous (or mental) breakdown is the 'oh, my GOD, what is happening to me??" part.

We continue to feel terrible in all kinds of weird ways - all the anxiety, all the odd visual stuff, the obsessing, the worrying, the depression, the odd sensations, the panic moments..>ALL of it is anxiety based and it's the result of mental defenses breaking down. The healing involves strengthening ourselves again (and understanding more about ourselves).

Any good psychiatist would agree with that.

Don't torment yourself with "what is it I HAVE?" The kind of answer you want doesn't exist.


#24 dalailama15


    Regular Contributor

  • DPSH Members
  • 287 posts
  • LocationSi Quaeris Peninsulam Amoenam Circumspice

Posted 29 August 2004 - 11:25 AM

One metaphor for one aspect is a transparent, or translucent, barrier between me and the world. I can see through it, and I can remember what life was like on the other side, but I can't penatrate it.

However, there is some kind of machine, on the other side, which I can also observe, that pretends to be human, that interacts with the world, and that I can in some way communicate with (although not in real time).

jeeze how do you answer this question without these kinds of weird metaphors.

I feel as if I am, at least on the outside, a grotesque parody of a human being.
(jeeze, that doesn't sound very good)

Specifically: when I reflect on the day, I don't feel connected with the things I said and did, and usually have a lot of self-hatred because of this.

When I think about my past, after my childhood, I feel the same way, as if I have lived somebody else's life. And again, massive self contempt for throwing my life (so far) away for no discernable reason.

I switched from an over-achiever to a chronic underachiever in the space of a few years.

I have the sense that my life is and has been just shallow.

I have little emotional memory, or even emotional responses too remember, even though my memory of facts is fine

Although I have some short term confusion, and sometimes I have to concentrate to remember what I did yesterday, or the day before, or even this morning, (which can seem no different from a morning, say, twenty years ago.) I attribute this to the fact that it really doesn't matter where or when I exist since my mind is in the same place, seemingly outside of time, motionless and unchanging, as if. .

I were in some kind of video game, or VR environment, where the whole world moves around me, creating the illusion of motion while I remain stationary. . . an issue of relativity, and yes, figure and ground.

I spend much of my waking life, especially when I am alone, creating some internal monologue to some imagined listener, which seems always lucid and frequently elloquent.

A sense, a belief, actually an observation as real as any I have, that what I call "I" is just a mess of words. Just words.

and there's more, different analogies, different points of view, etc.

And what keeps me going is the sense that this barrier, the one in the first sentence, is not that strong. It seems, that with the right tool, I should be able to smash it.

Reply to this topic


0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users