23 replies to this topic

[surf]

I am so pissed off at how DP makes me mentally unable to think clearly. Like I try to process something that I think is making me feel DP'd, but no matter what it is that I try to process I cannot process it. Ultimately everything I think of is of 0 importance. All my thoughts result in existentialism. Every single one. I try to just ignore it and not think about it, but still am left without emotions and connection to myself and the world. I have so many irrational fears it's ridiculous. I am always afraid something is wrong with me. I feel like my brain shut down 99% and all that's left is 1% of awareness of how pathetic I feel. Today I realized that it's been almost 4 years. I have no recollection or memory whatsoever left of the person I once was. That thought alone scares me shitless. I remember thinking when I first got DP, "What if I'm one of the people who has this long term and can't remember anything at all of what life is actually like?" Well here I am. I get vague memories of the past and all I feel is a distant disconnected pain, knowing damn well that one time many many moons ago there was a person in me who experienced and felt these memories. I really can't believe this has all happened. I don't even have a concrete reason for why all this happened to me. I always think I am making some progress just to find out it's all wishful thinking and I feel no different than day 1. I'm sorry for being so negative I just need to vent. I feel like giving up. I need a hug.

[outlaw]

I am so pissed off at how DP makes me mentally unable to think clearly. Like I try to process something that I think is making me feel DP'd, but no matter what it is that I try to process I cannot process it. Ultimately everything I think of is of 0 importance. All my thoughts result in existentialism. Every single one. I try to just ignore it and not think about it, but still am left without emotions and connection to myself and the world. I have so many irrational fears it's ridiculous. I am always afraid something is wrong with me. I feel like my brain shut down 99% and all that's left is 1% of awareness of how pathetic I feel. Today I realized that it's been almost 4 years. I have no recollection or memory whatsoever left of the person I once was. That thought alone scares me shitless. I remember thinking when I first got DP, "What if I'm one of the people who has this long term and can't remember anything at all of what life is actually like?" Well here I am. I get vague memories of the past and all I feel is a distant disconnected pain, knowing damn well that one time many many moons ago there was a person in me who experienced and felt these memories. I really can't believe this has all happened. I don't even have a concrete reason for why all this happened to me. I always think I am making some progress just to find out it's all wishful thinking and I feel no different than day 1. I'm sorry for being so negative I just need to vent. I feel like giving up. I need a hug.

It's only been around 6 months for me and I feel like I totally forgot who or how I was. *Hug* We'll get through it some how.

[EverDream]

*HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS* *HUGS*



My thoughts are killing me. I'm tired from thinking.
I'm not sure if it helps but at least you miss your old self. I don't.

[opie37060]

We all need to vent sometimes.. What i hate the most about this is how i can't seem to remember anything.. I could do something in the morning and completly forgot i ever did it.. I can't remember lyrics to songs that i used to know and it's hard for me to remember lyrics to new songs... Sometimes i feel like my brain is shut off...

[babybowrain]

*Hugs* Same here pretty much...felt horrible today...

[optimusrhyme]

Bro hug*

lifes a bitch and then we die thats why i get high!

[septimus]

So... you just summed up my life.

I need to vent too. I don't know what to do next. Often when I am outside taking a walk I will smell a campfire or pine needles and be momentarily taken away to an old, familiar, wonderful place where I belonged and there was balance. I hate these moments. They hurt and leave me feeling digusted and damaged. I don't know what giving up is really, I just know it's not an option. It's just impossible! I'm like a slave in Hell. I miss myself so much. If I were here I could get me out of this.

[voidvoid]

http://arigold.se/

This will seem infinately less gay if you have seen the show Entourage.

[Hoopesy]

*Hug*

I know its hard man. I have to deal with the existential thoughts too. I have to deal with the empty feelings I get everyday for no reason. And the head fog. And the detached emotional feelings that i used to have. And the screwed up memory. And I don't know when this will go away and sadly enough i sometimes think it never will. You gotta just take it one day at a time. Every little step is a personal triumph to me. Just remember you have an entire community of people on here who are dealing with the same things as you and are supporting you to keep on keeping on. We are all in this together.

[surf]

Bro hug*

lifes a bitch and then we die thats why i get high!

Well said.

[surf]

So... you just summed up my life.

I need to vent too. I don't know what to do next. Often when I am outside taking a walk I will smell a campfire or pine needles and be momentarily taken away to an old, familiar, wonderful place where I belonged and there was balance. I hate these moments. They hurt and leave me feeling digusted and damaged. I don't know what giving up is really, I just know it's not an option. It's just impossible! I'm like a slave in Hell. I miss myself so much. If I were here I could get me out of this.

I love you. I can relate.